pain for her during sex
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| Thu, 04-19-2007 - 8:55am |
Okay, for some reason, when me and my gf have sex it hurts her. I've never thought I was larger than usual but she says I am. We've both only had one other partner in our lives and the other partner she's had was smaller than me and she never felt any pain but she's always in pain with me. The other partner I had I had quite a bit of sex with within a week but never did she complain about it being painful. What I find odd, maybe it's not is that my gf seems to hurt not on the insertion point but inside and normally to the right but it seems like I should hit the left more often.
I keep thinking that maybe she has something going on internally. She hasn't been checked. She had a papsmear but I'm not really sure what they check with that. Of course I was her first and we only did it for about, really three months. That was a year ago. We broke up and now we're back together and it hurts again for her. I'm partially wondering if her body still needs to adjust.
Any ideas as to why it'd hurt for her. Is it fixable? Or is this something that may always be a problem? any help at all would be appreciated. Thanks.

There could be a lot of things going on....but from what you describe, maybe it's something as simply as you're hitting her cervix, which can be VERY painful.
Pap smears check for nothing except abnormal cells and or HPV on the cervix. If there was something "abnormal" about her anatomy, the doctor probably would have noticed.
Check out www.the-clitoris.com which has a lot of info about the female anatomy, and maybe that will help you understand what's going on. If your penis is long and her vagina is short, then you will hit the cervix. You can avoid that by not thrusting so deep or so hard, or finding a position that won't allow you to go so deep.
If you try to avoid the cervix, and that doesn't help, then she should go back to her gyno and tell him/her specifically what's going on.
More than likely, she needs additional time for arousal with foreplay. Also additional lubricant would be beneficial too. As others have said, keep yourself from penetrating too deeply and go slow and give her time to accomadate you more comfortably.
If she continues to have pain during IC she could have/develope dyspareunia or worse, vaginismus. Both are difficult to overcome as there is a significant psychological component if allowed to continue untreated. Largely because one starts to expect an anticipate pain which will set her up to experience more pain. Eventually she will avoid sex and you in order to avoid pain.
You seem like a very thoughtfull BF and I hope you two can work this out with lots of TLC but if pain continues, please incourage her to seek medical attention. She is just as entilted to enjoy sex as any other human being.
Welcome to the board jeepyjeep.
Since she is not experiencing pain during insertion, it does not sound like a lubrication problem. Is she experiencing pain each time you thrust or just early on in the act? If it is each time you thrust, it could be that you are hitting her cervix. I find that I do like my cervix being bumped, but I have to be highly aroused to enjoy it. It is painful if I am not aroused enough.
If you think it might be because you are hitting her cervix, then try positions that do not cause you to do that (spooning would be a good one to try), or try woman on top (WOT) so that she can control how deeply the penetration goes. If you think it might be from dryness (she should be able to offer some insight there too), then try adding lubrication.
Bottom line, sex shouldn't be painful. If you can't determine if you are hitting her cervix, or if it is a dryness issue, then she really needs to talk with her gyn to rule out any medical problems.
Does anyone have any suggestions on positions that may help it not hurt for her?
I believe someone suggested spooning and her on top. but she doesn't like either so I'm wondering if there are others.
Sorry that none of the recommended positions work for you. Here are a couple of articles that might help:
Arousing Alternatives to the Missionary Position
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextechnique/0,,drpatti_34s,00.html
Hot Tips for Woman On Top
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextechnique/0,,drpatti_72j6,00.html
7 Outrageous Sex Positions
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextechnique/0,,q7xm,00.html
Sexual Positions. Fun site, wooden models
http://www.sexualpositionsfree.com/casofchar.html
There are a ton of positions in the Kama Sutra too.