The pains of love
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The pains of love
| Mon, 11-29-2004 - 11:44pm |
I've read lots of discussions and I've seen how people give advice and stuff so I was hoping somebody can help me out?
Well you see i plan on loosing my virginity in the near future. There's only one problem. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of the pain. Like I know a lot of people say sometimes it doesn't hurt, but I'm afraid it might for me.
Does anybody know a way I could get around all the pain?
PLEASE HELP!!!

I'm afraid I can't help you - because it didn't hurt me one bit.
My main suggestion would be to make sure that you're very experienced with manual stimulation before you try intercourse. Are you comfortable when your b/f inserts two fingers into your vagina? Also, can you use tampons easily?
the biggest thing that makes sex painful is fear. if you're afraid of having sex (even the pain of it), then you're probably not ready to have sex. this will most likely lead to a more painful experience than necessary.
also, first time sex need not be painful, though it may be uncomfortable. it is often uncomfortable for these reasons:
1. breaking hymen (not very uncomfortable--short pop really, if that)
2. not enough lubricant (can be very uncomfortable because of excess friction. with enuogh stimulation, the vulva is full, lubricated, and open to recieve)
3. size differences (varies greatly and is related to 2. if the vagina is not used to having things in it, it's usually tighter and stranger to have something in it. women who use vibrators, their own fingers, tampons, and/or allow their partner to use his/her fingers are more likely to be more confortable with there is penetration by the penis).
when having sex, comfort, relaxation, a feeling of safety and security definately eases the process. these allow you to relax and enjoy yourself. any discomfort is lost in the feelings of joy, safety, and love. If you feel these things, then move on to the physical stuff.
make sure that you're pleasured enough to produce lubrication and consider having water-based lubrication on hand. masturbation (auto or by partner) and oral sex are great to begin the process. Then, when you feel comfortable or ready for it, have him use his fingers to open the vagina to having something in it. when my husband and i were first learning to have sex with each other, i was often very tight. he would start with one finger, then move to two. when i was comfortable with two, we would move to penetration with his penis (it was, of course, slightly larger).
Also, before you have sex, communicate extensively with your partner. YOu'll need to talk about all sorts of things: birth control and contingency plans in case it fails, preferences, cultural mores or traditions that may concern you, fears and dislikes, and perhaps even planning the "event" of offering your virginity. My husband and i mirrored an ancient egyptian ceremony of "womanhood" when i gave my virginity to him. Basicly, we had sex near a waterway in a fertile corn field on a new moon. we had a nice little ceremony and then had sex. it wasn't uncomfortable at all, except that i got really cold at one point--which was easily solved by cuddling in many blankets. :)
anyway, do your own thing and do what is best for you. there's no rush in giving away your virginity and there's nothing wrong with waiting until it's right for you. i was 22 before i was ready; my husband was 26. each person has their season, so don't worry about it. If you are ready, then be educated and prepared--remember, too, to just have some fun. it's a joyous experience!
be well and happy!
1. Not everyone has pain!
2. Those that do have pain, 95% of the time it's because they have no idea what they're supposed to be doing.
3. If you plan to have intercourse (just one part of "sex", it's ALL sex!) then you need to educate yourself about your body, and what it takes to make it a good experience.
4. You need to educate your b/f, too. He may have been with others before you, but that doesn't mean he has a clue about how a woman's body works. Some men bumble thru sex all their lives, and never learn how to truly "make love" to a woman.
Last but not least, if you're afraid, then you're not ready to do it. When you're doing it for the right reasons......you won't be afraid.
You also have more to fear than "pain". You have to be concerned about pregnancy and STD's. Make sure you understand both, and have taken precautions about both. You won't worry about pain if you find yourself pregnant, or with a life threatening STD!
Don't make plans to lose your virginity, as long as you have fears about it. The fears alone will make it a lousy experience.