Parents finding out u started having sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Parents finding out u started having sex
36
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 1:51pm
I've got a question and I'd honestly like to hear what parents think because this is about parents.

Both my mom and my bf's parents don't know we're having sex. My mom knows I'm on bc but she thinks it's because my doctor recommended it so that my cycle becomes regular and all of that. The only time we really get to go at it is Fridays when nobody is home at his house. We were talking about them finding out one day and we both were like "OMGOSH".

Anyways, he had a dream that his parents found the condoms from his room and sprawled them out on the table and when he got home from work they confronted him.

When I think about that idea of them confronting him or even worse, us, it freaks me out. His parents are so amazing to me and I feel like I've corrupted their son lmao. I'm exaggerating. I just feel kind of weird on how to approach the situation if it ever came up that either of our parents found out.

Mind you, my mom is very "Sex is for marriage; anybody who has sex out of marriage is a SL*T" and his parents are very tight-lipped about the whole thing. The only thing his mother has ever said to him was "I know things happen. Just be careful." Those are our experiences with dealing with sex from our parents...

Anybody have experiences, when your parents or your SO's parents found out that you were having sex??

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 2:10pm
I think you're underestimating your parent's and forgetting that they were young once too! LOL!

If you two are adults and responsible, then what you do together is really none of their business anyway. But I'm quite sure that your mother and his parents are already aware that you're active. Believe me, sexually active people recognize the signs of sexual activity, however subtle and seemingly hidden from everyone else.

But if you aren't adults yet, then they may confront you to make sure that you're being smart and of course, to voice their opinions about your choice. After all, until you're 18, they're responsible for you.

I'm certain my 21 yr. old son is active with his GF. Not because of anything I've seen or heard, just because I know that it's difficult to remain celebate in a long term relationship. Possible but not likely. But he is an adult and he gets to make those choices for himself now, regardless of what his father or I think about them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 3:02pm

I will give you 2 view points, my first one from when I became sexually active at the age of 19, Dh was 22 (not married at the time we started having sex).


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 4:13pm
LOL!

Of course they know that you are having sex! :-)

If they confront you or him then just go with the flow. As weird as it seems your parents were both in your situation once. Really. Sex and sexual issues when they were teenagers weren't really any different. They had the same problems, concerns and issues that you two have - even right down to when they could find a private time and place to do it.

My advice to you is to listen to them. They have your best interests in mind and even if they seem overly tough about it they are just trying to pass on what they have learnt over the years. They might actually have some good advice. If nothing-else it's better to be able to talk to them about it than to have fight over it.

If they are worried about contraception just have a mature and adult conversation about it. Be prepared with some answers - tell them that you have taken and followed advice from a Doctor. Tell them that it's not a decision that you have taken lightly and that you are behaving responsibly and taken the proper precautions.

Until you are 18 and can leave home you will have to follow some of the rules while under their roof. But hopefully you can demonstrate that you are behaving maturely and responsibly and they will respond to that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 4:35pm
When I was 15, and in a long term relationship, I told my mother that I wanted to be on the Pill. She was shocked, but thankfully not angry. Thanks to her commonsense, I went on the pill and have never had an unwanted pregnancy in 20+ years of being sexually active.

I found out in later years that my younger sister also told mum that she needed the pill when she was about 15 or 16.

When I was 17, I moved out of home. Always had an independant streak! Naturally, my parents would have been aware that my bf was having sleepovers.


Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 9:42pm
Curious-how old are the two of you???
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 10:23pm
We're both 18..he's gonna be 19 in Jan., me in Aug.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Tue, 11-02-2004 - 10:33pm
your parents know

mothers know everything

i thought there's no way they'd find out either but somehow they have a hunch. my parents never talked to be about sex but mom would always through around comments and things...they know. they can tell i dont know how...i guess i'll learn when i'm a parent

 

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 9:50am
My boys used to say that I had eyes in the back of my head! LOL!

But seriously, if you spend 18+ years observing the behavior, etc. of your child, believe me, mothers, particularly, NOTICE even very subtle changes. Think about it. You spend thousands of hours just observing that child from birth so that he or she becomes imprinted on your brain.

And let's face it, becoming sexually active puts one on the road to adulthood so we will notice such a landmark time in our own child's life. We may not have the details but we WILL notice the change.




Edited 11/3/2004 3:11 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 10:23am

Us parents know all.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2004
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 12:36pm
Well my parents are the same way when it comes to sex you should wait until your married and everything and you know, I personally don't believe that and I have had sex, it's MY body, MY decision, and MY problem if I get pregnant or something NOT there's and they CAN'T control you, if your going to do it then you are, theres no if's, and's or but's about it...Now the reason I don't believe in waiting until your married is because, what If you don't find a soul mate and your sitting here waiting, and waiting becuz your curious as to what sex is like and would like to expericence it , well your not going to stay a virgin for ever, so you go out and do it with someone, I'm NOT saying just go out and have sex with anyone, but lets say you have a really good friend no strings attached, your there for each other, you both care about each other but wouldn't go any further than friends and were just horny one night and decided to do it with that friend or someone you trust, As long as your using protection, then I think that''s perfectly fine as long as your ready for it... I wouldn't just go out and have sex with someone to have sex, there has to be SOME meaning behind it I can't do that, I have to trust someone before I go and have sex with them and see even if there no strings attached and yes that's basically haveing sex to have sex but still it's with someone you can trust and if you have that then you shouldn't feel ashamed I know I didn't... we were just good friends, I was comfortable, and trusted him so we did it...end of story !!! Anyway, if your parents found out then so what they can't stop you and if you sleep with every Tom, Dick, and Harry then THAT makes you a slut, NOT having sex with your SO....and explain your using protection and BC and that should be fine, as long as you dont have any STDS or an Unwanted Pregnancy then it should be fine!!!!! I would just be honest and explain to them how YOU feel about sex, and if they don't agree then so what..if your fine with it then don't let it bother you!!!

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