Past boyfriend size
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Past boyfriend size
| Thu, 11-03-2005 - 10:09am |
At the steep cost of another size question, I would like to know if you think its normal/healthy for a woman to discuss, in some detail, the size of her past boyfriends with her current boyfriend. Do you discuss the size of past relationships with your current one? If so, is it because your current SO asked? or do you feel it is a normal topic of discussion?
I would really appreciate answers to these specific questions, not another ridiculous discussion about whether size matters or size vs. how you use it.

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Kazakhstan -
Communication should have some evolutionary purpose. In a relationship the purpose should always to become closer by learning about our partners and ourselves. My question to you would be: What would the purpose of a discussion concerning the size of a previous boyfriends body part be? In other words, what value would it have to the current relationship? Will this discussion make you closer, or will it create conflict?
If he is initiating this conversation, he is actually asking you a different question. What he really wants to know is, "Am I a good lover and do I make you happy?" And/or "Am I safe in this relationship? Can I fully trust that you are with me and not with someone else? Is it safe for me to love you?" and/or "
If you are interested in initiating this conversation you might be saying, "I am not fully satisfied with our sex life and would like to make it more satisfying for both of us."
I think it's always better to communicate what we want and need and negotiate for mutual satisfaction rather than subvert our language in an attempt (usually unsuccessfully)to get our needs met. Unfortunately most of us have been conditioned to believe that we need to "angle" in order to get our needs met. Usually angling ends up causing suffering.
Good luck,
Scott.
Would YOU appreciate hearing the gory anatomical details of your partner's past lover?? I sure wouldn't.
What's the purpose? What's the intent? I think you would have to examine what your motives are for bringing up such information with your current BF. If you want to make him feel bad, compared, judged, etc. than that's what you would likely accomplish by doing so.
Some men say they enjoy hearing about intimate details of their partner's past lovers, but I don't think most would appreciate it.
What purpose would it serve? If you initiate that subject, and the last b/f was large, then it's a subtle put down to the current partner. If the last b/f was small, then it's a silly ploy to build this partner's ego.
If he initiates that subject, then he's more than likely got a complex or hangup about his own size, and that would be a red flag to me.
Would you appreciate hearing about your b/f's xg/f's breasts?
What happened in the past should stay in the past. That goes for numbers, sizes, and/or what you did and how you did it. The only thing that's relevant to your current partner is whether or not you're a virgin.
I'm sure that conversations about past lovers are pretty common amongst couples. But are they are good idea? Probably not 90% of the time.
I wouldn't volunteer the information freely, but if asked directly I would answer the question, but I would be vague unless questioned more directly again. I consider myself to be pretty secure about my size and sex life, but even I would go "Ummmm. Ah ha." if a girl enthusiastically told me about her 10" ex-b/f and how great he was with it.
I don't think that it generally serves any good purpose knowing the details if the ex lovers were bigger or better. Of course, everyone likes to hear that they are the best that you have ever had. In that situation, tell all! LOL!
Well, HD, I think that size doesn't matter to most women, but I think it DOES matter to most men. Good for you that it doesn't matter to you. You found out about Mr.Big in a non-confrontational, and non-judgemental way, because you weren't in a sexual relationship with her. But the most important part is that you are a well grounded man, without that kind of hangup. Even in the situation that you learned about it, there are SOME men who would remember it when a real relationship started, and it would "bother" them.
The OP didn't say how or why the topic came up. I just don't see the need for her to tell him if he hasn't asked. It might not bother him, but depending on his self esteem and all that good stuff, it MIGHT bother him. And if HE initiated the conversation, I would be VERY suspicious of his reason for asking. I've known insecure men, and if they were to ask me that question, I would feel that it would just fuel their insecurities. My ex was an insecure man....and he couldn't ask me that because I was a virgin when I married him, BUT, he never even believed that I was a virgin.....and if I had ever said to him that someone was bigger, that would have been a sore spot for him forever. Even after all the years we've been divorced, I can just hear him......."Oh, was HE better?"
I believe that anyone's past affairs or lovers should stay in the past....like the Army....Don't ask, Don't tell!
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