Past boyfriend size
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Past boyfriend size
| Thu, 11-03-2005 - 10:09am |
At the steep cost of another size question, I would like to know if you think its normal/healthy for a woman to discuss, in some detail, the size of her past boyfriends with her current boyfriend. Do you discuss the size of past relationships with your current one? If so, is it because your current SO asked? or do you feel it is a normal topic of discussion?
I would really appreciate answers to these specific questions, not another ridiculous discussion about whether size matters or size vs. how you use it.

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I think it has much less to do with insecurity and more to do with descretion and consideration for your present and past partners. Emotions aren't logical and bringing up pointless details like a past lover's physical attributes serve no good purpose in a present relationship.
And the info. could STILL be taken the wrong way even with the greatest of tact, even if one's partner ASKED for the information.
My DH and I are very secure in our relationship after almost 30 yrs. together, but neither of us understands why couples feel the need to discuss such personal and intimate details of a past relationship. Unless one hopes to get a vicarious thrill from the information. Just seems very disrespectful to us.
And I think it's nonsense to say it's to benefit the present relationship. It's apples and oranges. Each relationship is unique to the individuals in it.
No, I don't believe that one keeps a relationship honest by using a stream of consciousness approach in communication....it requires judgement, consideration and yes, TRUST. Just attempting to tell all won't accomplish those things. I trust my DH to tell me what I need to know for the benefit of our marriage, and visa versa.
And frankly, I've never met a completely secure person in my entire life. That's the very definition of a narcissist.
No, we ALL have our moments of self doubt. It's what makes us human and approachable.
Edited 11/8/2005 3:44 pm ET by katmandoo2001
How does sharing past intimate details bring a couple closer together or help you understand each other better?
Though I make no claims that everyone’s relationship should follow a stream of consciousness approach in communication, I do not believe it qualifies as “nonsense” to say it is beneficial to a present relationship. I simply raised the point that the overwhelming responses of “no” to kazakhstan’s question is not necessarily absolute.
The comment about each relationship being unique to its individuals is certainly true, but each previous relationship dramatically shapes the current individuals composing the current relationship. I believe there are pros and cons to divulging details of past relationships, and honesty is one of those benefits. I certainly do not claim to be a completely secure individual, though I am comfortable with whom I am. However, if my wife had a previous relationship with a stallion of an man, and his large penis was a central aspect to her sexual pleasure, that is something we should deal with in our current relationship to ensure the physical pleasure of sex can better keep up with the emotional aspect of sex. If my penis doesn’t match her previous experience, we should perhaps look for sex toys to compensate. Personally, I would rather have my wife tell me and solve the problem together than have her break out a new toy that obviously dwarfs my penis; that route has an air of dishonesty and perhaps furthers insecurity. Alternatively, if her previous partner was a bit diminutive, she may have picked up techniques along the way that can help the performance of the current relationship.
Going back to my previous post and my value of tact and timing, I think that if a couple has a discussion, preferably not immediately before, during, or after sex, that covers preferences and experiences, it can be beneficial. Discretion as to specifics is certainly important, but I do not believe it should absolutely be a non-topic of conversation.
Since most women explore their sexuality LONG before any penis comes into the picture, then it's not likely that a large one is going to be "central" to her sexual satisfaction. Partner sex is just another avenue of her sexuality to be explored, just as it is with men.
And I can't imagine that a woman would become so dependant on a certain size of penis--since most women don't orgasm through penetration anyway--that she couldn't adjust to her present partner.
But complete intimate disclosure of her past lovers size (and the possible hurt feelings and anger that can result)is simply not necessary to make any needed adjustments. A willingness to be open to discussion should be expected when going into any new relationship.
So, I just don't see why it's necessary to make comparisons with the past in order to make suggestions, explore new ideas, toys, etc. with your present partner. We should all be willing to do that, to a comfortable degree anyway, without having to ask each other 20, potentially damaging, questions.
If you and your wife are in agreement about this type of openness, that's great, but we've had many posters on the board who were struggling to deal with such hasty disclosures. IMO, it's just not wise if you are unsure of your partner's reaction. And frankly, I don't know how you can be.
Edited 11/9/2005 1:08 am ET by katmandoo2001
"Since most women explore their sexuality LONG before any penis comes into the picture, then it's not likely that a large one is going to be "central" to her sexual satisfaction. Partner sex is just another avenue of her sexuality to be explored, just as it is with men."
I used to agree w/ this statement, but sadly, after coming to this site I found that many women on this site seem to be concerned w/ size, hence all the size threads. I have seen posts on how women cant go from big to small. It is very unfortunate that size is the end all be all for some, but as people say, it is a preference. I have seen posts of women saying "I have met the greatest guy in the world, and he is a good lover, but I miss feeling filled". For these many women, size is central, sadly enough. I think that it is almost never important to talk about the intimate DETAILS of a previous relationship, but if there is no other way to resolve an issue, then it may be importnant. If the issue happens to be PURELY physical (penis size), then it has to be discussed.
How do you work on satifying a woman who needs more size w/o getting to the core of her sexual dissatifaction?
Of course a woman doenst have to say that her last lover was hung like a horse. All she has to say is that she is used to a larger size, and the man will know what that means.
This is one of the rare cases that I think bringing up the past might matter, and there might be other instances too. On a side note though, I think if one has to bring up intimate details such as penis size, then the relationhsip might be doomed anyways.
Anyhow, point is, in 99% of the cases, intimate details of past relaoitnships hurt and dont help, but there are times when it may help.
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