Past boyfriend size

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Past boyfriend size
63
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 10:09am

At the steep cost of another size question, I would like to know if you think its normal/healthy for a woman to discuss, in some detail, the size of her past boyfriends with her current boyfriend. Do you discuss the size of past relationships with your current one? If so, is it because your current SO asked? or do you feel it is a normal topic of discussion?

I would really appreciate answers to these specific questions, not another ridiculous discussion about whether size matters or size vs. how you use it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 10:18am

>>I'm sure that conversations about past lovers are pretty common amongst couples...<<

I think the Mrs. & I and the friends and family we have are in the minority regarding that statement, lol. Not common practice around here at all. Yet to discuss that in my marriage, in regards to sex or physioligical details anyway.

When it comes to discussing things like , I agree, why bother doing it?

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 10:26am

>>It is very unfortunate that size is the end all be all for some, but as people say, it is a preference.<<

Hey curiousgeorge.

Whenever I read posters referring to someone else's preference as or something similar, what makes it "unfortunate" exactly? If it is indeed that one person's preference, then why is that person not able to enjoy with an equally willing partner without it being or something?

Thanks in advance for any clarification. :)

 

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 10:36am

I think if you go back and check the archives, you'll find that many, if not most, of the size threads you were referring to are actually started by men, not women. So, your belief that more women care about size, based on that, is misleading.

However, there have always been and will always be size queens, just as there have always been men who prefer certain types of female body parts.

And IF you're only talking about finding a specific body part to provide a specific type of pleasure, for the individual woman, then those types of preferences will always be more evident, obviously.

I still say that it's unnecessary to say anything about a past lover's size though. She can pull out "Big Bob" and he'll assume she's talking about her toy, not another man. There is more than one way to skin a cat. Yes, it may take more tact and thought, but it's worth it when you care for your partner and aren't just looking to meet your own needs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2004
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 1:16pm

Interensting point katmandoo.

Perception is a funny thing, so I am not sure if you are right or wrong about size threads. I think a year ago, I saw nothing but men posting that, but I think over the past year, in my opinoin it has been 50/50 maybe 70/30, but that is an aside. In my opinion it "seemed" as if more size queens or borderline size quenns were coming out of the woodwork then i initially estimated, but I admit, my judgement may be a bit off.

"And IF you're only talking about finding a specific body part to provide a specific type of pleasure, for the individual woman, then those types of preferences will always be more evident, obviously."

Well, maybe maybe not. You may be true, a woman doesnt have to be "explicit" for the man to know that it was likely that her former lovers were larger. As long as she KNOWS to use toys and says "I just like using big toys" then it is fine. But if she just wants to get the filled feeling from a real man, then there is no other way for her to express her dissatisfactoin w/o at least hinting to the fact that she is accustomed to larger. Maybe this is a size queen, I dont know?

As an example, say that the foreplay is really good, sex can last a long time, but becasue of her "inadvertant" preference, she just needs someone larger. In that case she HAS to elude to the size issue and then the man and the woman have to work together to get around it. The more she keeps quiet the more stressed she will become over her dilemma (I think). This case might be rare as you say, I dont know, but I think it is valid.

For women like you and many others, this would be a non-issue because you could get filled using fingers and toys and you know there is much more to sex.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 4:43pm

Once again, I think a woman CAN get her needs met without resorting to comparisons, which is essentially what we're talking about here. I mean, your average or small man can't change his size anyway, so the only thing to do is to become more creative in getting those needs met. He never needs to hear that she loved her ex's huge erection either. What would be the point? He's still going to be average or small but now, with possibly hurt feelings and bruised ego! Just too potentially damaging, IMO.

Even the perfectly-sized man, according to his partner, will likely have to make adjustments to his lovemaking skills. Is the best way to approach THAT problem to mention that your past lover was more adept at oral sex or other types of stimulation? I don't think that's necessary.




Edited 11/9/2005 5:45 pm ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2004
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 6:22pm

>>Whenever I read posters referring to someone else's preference as or something similar, what makes it "unfortunate" exactly?>>
Your point is taken!

You are right, the word unforunate is an interesting but deliberate choice of words that I used. I dont thnink it is unfortunate, but i used to word none the less to contrast what was said before.

I think before someone said that my point was a non issue because the size of a penis is not all there is, and thus should not be an issue (Maybe I misinterpreted). On the contrary i said that some people focus almost soley on it. I dont think it is unfortunate. I think it is reality. But for those people that say that there are other aspects of sex, i agree, but to others, they feel a larger size is very important. So, I guess I should remove the word unfortunate. It was my way of saying there are people who do focus centrally on it, and thus they need to tell their current partner about their expectations and to do that, they need to imply that they have had bigger.

My apologies. i should never use unfortunate and preference in the same sentence.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2004
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 6:31pm

>>Once again, I think a woman CAN get her needs met without resorting to comparisons, which is essentially what we're talking about here. >>

I guess this is where we differ. I think that a woman CAN get her needs met but in some cases, they CHOOSE not to get their needs met becuase their current partner is initially too far from their preference. I am saying that in that case, for the couple to move on they need to know exactly what her preference is and why it is causing issues.

But alas, this argument is getting convoluted because I agree w/ you 98%. In ALMOST all circumstanecs communicating about the past doenst help, but i think there are very very few chances that "may" help. But to tell you the truth, if a relatoinship needs this additoinal information, it probably wont work anyway.

>>Even the perfectly-sized man, according to his partner, will likely have to make adjustments to his lovemaking skills. >>

Couldnt agree w/ you more!

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 8:26pm
I can only speak personally from experience of course, but in almost 30 yrs. together, I've never had to bring up a past partner in order to solve a problem with my sex life with my DH. I've always managed to find a way to preserve HIS ego and feelings and still make the suggestions needed. And visa versa, I'm sure.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 4:17pm

Getting back to kazakhstan's OP, which was whether it was useful to discuss past BF's size , I'm going to agree with alex in being surprised at all the negative responses. My wife and I have discussed our past experiences in detail. Right from the beginning she told me that she had quite a few partners ( 25 total) due to some wild college years and I told her my number as well (18). She knows that I have an interest in sexual issues we have discussed our past partners. Since "size" threads are so common on these boards, I asked about her experiences. By the time we had any of these discussions our lovemaking had evolved to the point that she had orgasms from IC regularly (which she had never had before) , and so I had NO insecurities whatsoever from any comparison with past men's size. She explained to me that other than one "very small" (index finger sized) man who had been totally inadequate, all of her men had been in the average range (including me) except for two "large" and one "very large". The two "large" guys had been uncomfortable and the "very large" guy almost impossible. When my wife tells me I'm "the perfect size" , I believe her and know that she speaks from experience. So when I read the endless "size" threads where it seems to me to be mostly the women who focus on it, I just smile quietly. Incidentally, she didn't reveal to me for over a year that one of the "large" guys was her ex-husband of 10 years. I had previously known that she never orgasmed with him and considered sex something of a chore. This is why I regard all these "Can I go back to average when I've had big?" threads as pretty inane.

A note on the "comparison with past partners" issue. I am SO glad ( and DW agrees) that we both had considerable experience with others and have shared those experiences with each other because we both know that there is NO ONE who can even begin to compare. I also might add that reading this and other boards also makes me realize how fantastically compatible we are sexually and gives us zero interest in anybody else.

taoist

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 5:26pm

Have read previous postings and I am new to this site and I wasn't quite sure what to expect. I have been pleasantly surprised.

As for the original posting? I would say it was a big no no!

I cannot see any benefit to discussing the size of a previous partner. My partner has never asked the question and I have never had any inclination to volunteer that sort of information. However, we are very open about sex and have talked about past relationships but without having to go into a great deal of intimate detail. I find sex a fascinating subject and do not see any reason why it should not be talked about. However, as much as I enjoy talking about it I have no desire to delve too deeply into the intimate sexual details of his past relationships.

If you want to ask question then the one thing you should think about beforehand is whether or not you are prepared to hear their answer and what effect it will have if you do not get the answer you were expecting?

Med

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