Past boyfriend size

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Past boyfriend size
63
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 10:09am

At the steep cost of another size question, I would like to know if you think its normal/healthy for a woman to discuss, in some detail, the size of her past boyfriends with her current boyfriend. Do you discuss the size of past relationships with your current one? If so, is it because your current SO asked? or do you feel it is a normal topic of discussion?

I would really appreciate answers to these specific questions, not another ridiculous discussion about whether size matters or size vs. how you use it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 2:06pm
Hump, what if a prior lover was bigger than your current lover and therefore better as a result? What if a past lover was better period just because they were a different person whom you had different experiences with? What if? What then? Should you confess that to your current SO? I've read on this and some of the other sex boards where men will say that a past partner's vagina was the best one they ever had. Is that the kind of info you should "confess," and if so, what exactly does it accomplish?


Edited 11/22/2005 2:56 pm ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 4:22pm

Hump, it's obvious that you AND ked are completely missing my point.

Since I never said, at any point, that my DH and I have never discussed our past relationships, you both seem to be making assumptions. OF course we have. I SAID that we don't discuss intimate, physical details of our past partners. Big difference.

Those intimate, physical details have no place in our relationship and are of no value to either of us. How big my former fiance's penis was is of no importance or interest to my DH. He could care less. He's secure enough to let me have my past memories, and visa versa. And the physical details of his former GF's are not important to me either. Why on earth would they be?

But you posed the question...what IF he HAD asked me about intimate physical details of my former fiance'. I would have said "that's none of your business." Because it isn't. Talking about the relationship is one thing, revealing the size, etc. of body parts, is NOT. And THAT kind of question would have been a BIG red flag for me!

I would say that if those details ARE so very important to you, ked and others, then maybe you should examine why. Total brutal disclosure doesn't guarentee a better relationship, on the contrary, sometimes, it can actually do harm, as we've seen on this board.

My DH and I have no secrets from one another, we just choose to keep intimate details of past partners private. After all, they have absolutely no bearing on OUR relationship, which is the here and now. And that's all either of us care about.




Edited 11/22/2005 4:44 pm ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 4:29pm
Agree Kat. I see no purpose in knowing how his ex's breast felt and responded or looked, or how different her vagina was(wetter, tighter, looser, tastier, etc.), or what acts they did and how they did it. I know nothing about those details. My husband's first lived on his block where his parents live. I see her all of the time. It's only fair that I know nothing personal about her, other than he had sex with her. Anything else would be TMI if you ask me.
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 4:36pm

Where you been, GF? Missed you lately.

You know, it would be a MAJOR red flag for me if my DH, or any past BF, had begun the 20 size questions routine when we met. Asking me about sizes, etc. would have been a huge turnoff!

Maybe what fuels this need to know and compare with the past is the insecurity that you aren't measuring up. This certainly seems to be case with some men. They need to know that they are better, in some way, than their partner's past lovers. But my DH KNOWS that he is since I loved him enough to marry him. Our past is irrelevant in that regard.

I just cannot see the need or value in revealing these types of intimate details if you're both secure with your relationship. But what's most important is that you both feel the same way about it.

To each his own though.




Edited 11/22/2005 4:52 pm ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 4:54pm

I miss you too Kat..I'm really busy these days. Thanks for the sentiment.

Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Thu, 11-24-2005 - 5:53pm
rain, kat I guess Im the one misunderstood here. I agree that the gory details dont have to be shared, but if one asked who was the biggest,( breasts penis etc) out of curiosity, I dont see a lot of harm there. I dont need to know they were swinging from the chandelier, or who was the best lover.. Thats not important to me or really, should it be to anyone....My point is IF I was asked a general question about someone from my past , I have nothing to hid....Concerning my wife and I, neither want to know the details... But we both know there were others for "US". It would be totally insensitive to tell your spouse/ S.O. that you had a better lover in your past because they were bigger, tighter, better technique..etc..Hopfully people have more common sense than that.
Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-26-2005 - 8:24pm

This has been an interesting thread and I have read all the posts. I am in a different situation. My wife knows that she was my first and having known her since she was a very young lady, I know that I was her first and only lover. So we have fun once in a while when she tells me that she is the best I ever had and then she brags that she KNOWS that I have never had anyone better than she. My wife is the light of my life and I waited 5 1/2 years to have sex with her on our wedding night. That is what she wanted and that is what she got. It WAS difficult for me, but I have made up for what I missed during the courtship years many times over during our 50 year marriage.

With that said, I know that if I DID have a sexually active past, she would be devastated if I EVER mentioned another lover and what we did. I agree with Kat. Those discussions should be left in the past

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-29-2005 - 9:57am

But that's what this thread is about, Hump! Gory details and whatever consequences telling them will have, not about general details of past sexual experiences or relationships.

And not telling who had the biggest, tightest, etc. in your past, simply because you're asked, isn't hiding anything from your partner either...IMO, it's just choosing to be judicious with the details. Particularly, when there is no guarentee how your partner may react to those details.

We have to make those kinds of judgements all the time in our lives.

And it's obvious that common sense isn't always a given, because many are offering up those gory details very freely with no forethought to the effect.




Edited 11/29/2005 10:14 am ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 11:13am
Kat the OP only mentioned if discussing the past boyfriends size (in some detail) was ok.
I still dont see anything wrong with it. But women should know what level of security their man has concerning his penis size first. If he is small and is really concerned about it, it probably wouldnt be a good idea to tell him a past lover was 9"..lol It doesnt bother me at all to know that my wife had previous lovers ,and that one was a 9"er. I know im not small, I also know that our fit is perfect, and that is what really counts. Imho. Size matters to some women and not to others..I happen to be married to one who thinks it doesnt matter unless its too big or too small.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 4:51pm

Yes, as I said, this thread is about sharing gory details and certainly, revealing a past lover's penis, breast or vagina size would constitute "gory details" for most couples!

But my DH is not insecure about his own size because he's not interested in knowing details of my past fiance's body! And neither am I. Why SHOULD we be after all these years?! We just simply don't see the point of sharing that type of information nor do we believe that there's anything to be gained from it.

Discussing a past relationship and what you learned from it is one thing....giving sizes, descriptions, etc. is something else entirely.




Edited 11/30/2005 5:11 pm ET by katmandoo2001

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