Past Experience Talk with Hubby
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| Sun, 03-11-2007 - 12:53am |
First let me say I have been a long time reader and enjoyed the information. It's stuff I can't talk to my girlfriends about. I've learned alot.
But now I really need your help. The title tells you my problem but first some background.
Every since my first real car date at 16 I found out I like giving HJ's and BJ's. On my first real date we went to the movies and then parking. After some kissing and petting my date unzipped his pants. It was the first penis I have ever seen and touched in person. He told me what he wanted me to do and I did it. And I found out I really liked it. I liked the size and shape and I liked watching his reaction as he climaxed.
After that if I liked the guy I was out with he was pretty assured of getting a HJ or BJ that night. I think I enjoyed it more than they did. And I earned a little reputation in HS for it.
Then I went to college and did the same thing, however it was with the upper class guys. The senior and Junior guys seemed to seek out the Freshman women. My freshman year I slept over alot with guys, giving HJ's and BJ's but seldom having sex. I kept my virginity until I was 18.
I don't know why, but I really enjoyed it. I would wonder what the guy would look like hard or how he would react when he came.
Then my Sophomore year I met the man who is now my husband. When I met him I knew he was the one I wanted to marry, don't ask me why. The only problem was he was really conservative and had heard some stories about me and didn't want to date me. To make a very long story short, through mutual friends we started dating, dated through college got married a year after we graduated. We now have been married over 7 years, have two great kids, my hubby is a great father, a great husband and a great provider. I am really lucky, I love him alot.
Well the other night after the kids were in bed we got talking about college friends and stuff. Out of no where he asked me, Were all those stories about you true in college? How many guys have you been with? I was shocked, we never discussed any of that before. I finally laughed and said what does it matter, I'm with the man I love and the luckiest lady in the world. Then he said he really wanted to know. I told him it's not important and it's not the best time to talk about it.
But he won't let it go. He has asked me several times since and I have put him off but he's not giving up. What do I do? Do I not tell him anything? I don't think that's going to work. Do I talk to him and tell him the truth? Do I talk to him and tell him a little white lie that the stories are not true and play down my experience?
I need help because this situation is getting worse every day. If anyone out there has had "the talk" I really, really want to know how it went. I need to get your opinions in a hurry.
Sorry this got so long but I need you help. PLEASE!

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Comming from someone whom was insecure with girls. Up until 32 I was a virgin every time I wnet out with a girl I could not get past a second date, I think they could see how insecure I was. I hated girls but still wanted a girlfriend.
I met my wife through a co-worker we went out for a few months and she acctually had to put my hands on her breast then our relationship progressed when she sucked my p..... anyway she went back to where she was from and hooked back up with her ex and then a week later I went to visit her and she got pregnant and we got married.
I knew she was not a virgin and I accepeted it as much as I did not want to accept it . We got married and she gave me bits and pieces at differn't times. sometimes like she was ashamed or sometimes like we would be watching tv a date show and she would say i have done better than that and say what she did.
I pretty much know evrything and I have differn't feelings. I love my wife very much and would never want to divorce her. But on the other hand if I knew everything I would have not married her.
Some thoughts I have is also I missed out on the past and I wish I could experince some of those things, but my wife tells me she is not interested. Even though she tells me I am boring even the sex.
I think I would go with anather girl given the chance but I will not go looking so I do not think it will ever happen. Somtimes my wife wishes I would have an affair to make her feel better anyway I am glad I know the truth about everything.
The improtant thing is the love you have for each other and to keep that love alive then it does not matter why he is asking for the information, the love can overshadow any thing else
Still, learning Male
First and foremost, where were you when I was in HS and college?
But seriously, you have to tread a thin line here. If you don't tell him anything, or only give vague information, he may obsess and create a problem between you. On the other hand, it sounds like he's going to struggle a little bit with accepting that the woman he fell in love with had a fair amount of experience.
I think you should perhaps change the question a little bit. Tell him "You know there were others before you, but there have been no others since. We have such a wonderful relationship - why would you want to dredge up the past and talk about things that might embarrass me or hurt you? Aren't we happy? What difference would it make?" etc etc.
If you consistently acknowledge that yes, there were others, but that its an insignificant part of your past while simultaneously emphasizing how in love with him you are now and how strong your relationship is, you might avoid the obsessive details no one wants to recite.
If you can't do that, there are two other options. One would be to employ humor and hyperbole to show him he's being silly: "Oh, I don't know honey, when I did the fifth fleet, I lost count. Why do you ask?" or "well, lessee, there was the basketball team, the football team, the baseball team, the chess team, and that busload of alumni who got lost on campus that one time...".
On a more serious note, if he really can't let go of this or give you some reassurance that its purely an idle curiosity, then it might be time to involve a counselor to help figure out why this is coming up now.
Good luck!
(FWIW, neither my wife or I have ever given the other a specific number. In my case, I played music during the 1970s (pre-AIDS), and any count would have an error rate of plus or minus a few. Similarly, she was a Disco Queen for a while, and while she wasn't a party girl per se, she certainly didn't save herself for marriage, and had her share of adventures. The simple fact is that other than idle curiosity or safety (i.e. disease or angry ax murderer exes) there's simply no reason that its relevant. It'd be like asking how many restaurants she'd eaten at before she met me. Doesn't impact where we're going for dinner tonight.
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martinisnsushi - living the good life since 1963
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martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!
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