Physical attraction vrs sexual attractio
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Physical attraction vrs sexual attractio
| Fri, 03-23-2007 - 12:59am |
This is odd. I have been told by a guy that physically Im attractive to him and he likes me physically, Im pretty but sexually he is not attractive to me so he will never jhad sex with any lady(not just me of course) who does not know how to behave in bed, major turn off for him, much less he will sleep with a girl who is a virgin because they dont know anything about how to please a guy in bed and does not have any kind of initiative. That is what this guy told me, physically Im attractive and he likes me, but sexually, im not his type. That makes me feel so bad and sad. I dont understand. So how to have initiative and be more sexually attractive to a guy when the girl is not that experienced. ANy ideas?

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I have a very good idea for you! Don't listen to STUPID men with stupid ideas! I would say you're very lucky that he's not sexually attracted to you, because he sounds like an ignorant and selfish man, who has no respect for women. All he's looking for is someone to "please" him, and he should go hire a hooker. They know all about how to please a man!
Exactly how does he know which women know how to "behave" in bed until he's been to bed with them? He is a horses a$$! How could an ignoramus like this make you feel anything at all......except maybe pity for him?
You have nothing to feel bad OR sad about. This man did you a favor by blowing you off! Shame on you for allowing someone so disgusting to make you feel bad about yourself. He's so stupid he doesn't know that being attracted physically and being attracted sexually is the SAME THING!
You get "experience" by being with a loving and caring man, who cares about YOU, not about how you "behave" in bed. That's ridiculous! When you meet the right man, he will not insult you that way, he'll love you and be kind to you, and help you get experienced.
Forget about this jerk. YOu are SO LUCKY you didn't get tangled up with him, he would have done nothing but USE you and throw you aside, and hurt you.
I think he doesn't think you are his "type", because he likes guys.
I agree that it sounds odd. Frankly I think that he's rather conceited.
I also think that he's really saying that while he finds you attractive, he hasn't got an emotional connection with you. Calling it a "sexual" attraction is a little confusing because it's not really all about sex. It's that emotional connection that two people can have. He knows enough about you to know that what he wants and what you want would probably be two different things in the bedroom (and outside of it for that matter).
>>much less he will sleep with a girl who is a virgin<<
He's showing that he's selfish - perhaps even quite vain. I'm sure that his opinion would change if he fell in love with a woman who was a virgin. But that aside, he's clearly focused only on his pleasure with little or no concern for the woman that he is with. Would you really want to be with a man like that? A man that takes everything and gives nothing in return? There is nothing wrong with you. The problem is with him. He's too selfish and he knows it.
"So how to have initiative and be more sexually attractive to a guy when the girl is not that experienced. ANy ideas?"
Find a guy that isn't a LOSER -- that's all. Even though this guy is obviously a loser, he is actually doing you a favor. When you are with a person that you should be sharing a sexual experience with, he will not make you feel sad or questions what you can do to be more attractive to him!!!!
It sounds to me like he does not know how to satisfy a woman in bed, thus he seeks virgins and experienced women to so that it can make him feel like he is experienced. I feel bad for any virgins he has slept with because he is certainly doing them a disservice.
Chicle, a person is not born knowledgeable about the ways of sex. This guy has NO way of knowing how good or bad you might be in bed. You must have told him that you were inexperienced, and he took it from there to belittle you.
When I married, neither I nor my wife had experienced sexual intercourse (by her decision). So when we married, we learned together. I assure you, it does not take that long, and you keep learning new things all your life.
This guy is a blow-hard who enjoyed humiliating you, when the real problem is HIS insecurities. Don't give him another thought; he is not worth it.
It sounds to me like this guy is playing a little mental game with you. He tells you you look good, you're physically attractive, etc. but that he thinks you probably aren't "experienced" and knowledgeable enough to be attractive to him "sexually". So now he's challenged you and he's hoping you'll want to jump in bed with him to prove him wrong. Pretty slick little game.
taoist
...a long time ago, on another board, another poster (a man) made a comment about dumping a woman after having sex with her the first time if she didn't know how to perform fellatio like a pro. I asked him to clarify because I was shocked that anyone would make such a statement. Anyhow...
...answer me this riddle? Why do we give power to anyone, let alone a person who doesn't deserve it? Where did we ever get the idea that anything a man says is fact, is truth? It is no different than you saying to him: "Any man who makes less than $200,000 a year is a lazy bum and is not a 'real man' because 'real men' are providers. Any man who makes less than that would turn me off and I would not ever consider dating them." He's an arrogant, pompous, ....well you get the point. ;-)
You have to learn to read between the lines. You are listening to the words he is spewing, instead of thinking about the whole context of what he is saying and why he is saying it. What type person would out and out insult another person for no apparent reason? What type of person loves to make others who do nothing to them feel bad? He's a bully, plain and simple. You were easy prey, and so he attacked. Learn to recognize a spade for a spade and better yet, learn how to "deal" with them tactfully (do not compromise your integrity and stoop down to their level...as this "feeds" them and validates the beast ). If you do come back....make sure they can clearly see the sarcasm. Something like: "Yes, I know exactly how you feel, because I feel the same way about losers that make less than $200,000 a year--they are bums if you ask me. My standards are high, but I'm well worth it." Or you could just say: "I can relate to what you are saying about turnoffs....as my biggest turnoff is a man who who berates others to make himself feel 'big'...ya know?" (**and bat your eyes and smile innocently) ;-) tee hee
I'm not sure how old you are, but please (and this goes to anyone out there reading this)....hone your skills for reading people...you will save yourself a whole lot of grief. Imagine dating this man? You would never be good enough for him (in any aspect) because he doesn't feel good enough.....(which is why he constantly has to "degrade" everyone and everything around him.) People who are happy, secure, and kind do not berate others. They are not "arrogant" even if they have every right to be....because they "know" that nobody is perfect, that nobody could possibly know everything, and that scarily enough, you could lose it all in a millisecond. I've lived long enough to see very arrogant people become completely "humbled." Karma...."What goes around, comes around." You just never know.
...anyhow....you learned something about yourself in all of this... The opinions of others is just that....a bunch of hot air. Only consider the opinions of those whom you trust. Even then, they are just opinions....and we all know that everybody's got one... ;-)
Edited 3/25/2007 9:39 am ET by rain_dancer_iam
I never even thought about it that way, but you may be right! I reacted to it as though it had been said to me, and my reaction to HIM would have been "up yours", or probably smoething that I couldn't say here! Unfortunately, if that was his game, it backfired on him because SHE reacted by feeling bad and sad.
My feeling about her reaction to this man (and I use the term loosely) is also "sad" because I can't understand why so many young women are so easily made to feel inadequate. To me, that's the disturbing part of the post! Why would anyone allow a virtual stranger to put them down, and accept and agree with it? WHERE is the self confidence and pride of these females?
...actually, it's sort of both. Think about it...if she takes the bait (sleeps with him), she proves she is easily manipulated, lacks confidence and self-esteem and makes him feel "superior" to her. He will either "dump" her immediately because he lacks respect for her (and for all women most likely), and/or he'll keep her around and "use" her for the "worthless" person he sees her as. This type of man is quite scary as he views women as "meat" and nothing more. They are not "people" to him, they are vessels of pleasure (similar to how the goldigger views wealthy men)...which is why most everyone "viewed" him as a callous jerk.
Yes, it is sad, because if only people would take people at "face" value and not put the onus on themselves, these people would become extinct. If someone makes you "feel" a certain way, why wouldn't you analyze "why" they would do this? And better yet, would you treat someone that way? What would you think of yourself if you said or did that exact thing to someone else? It's really very simple....but for some reason, people are blind to the obvious....
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