Physical Attraction???
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Physical Attraction???
| Mon, 12-26-2005 - 3:31pm |
I have been going out with a girl now for a number of months and have found her to be absolutely wonderful. The girl is laid back, intelligent, caring, giving, attractive, willing to try new things, etc. Basically I cant ask for much more for a person to be with; I am extremely fond of the girl ( : I value sex in a relationship and it is apparent that she does not mind. I also value physical attraction and trying to keep in good shape for my partner. I fear that my dear gf may not value maintaining herself physically (weight) nearly as much as I and this scares me. Yes I know that if you like someone enough it should not matter but to me IT DOES MATTER! I want to be with someone who I can be both mentally and physically attracted to throughout the years if we should stay together. I am not a physically large guy and seek someone who is of similar size so that we may be better compatible physically/ sexually. I want to remain active and in shape for her. How can I get her to do the same for me without seeming mean?

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"Lockdown?" Uh....you have heard of cheating and divorce, haven't you?
No one is locked into marriage. If they become unhappy with their spouse, for some reason, then they're free to leave.
And of course, it's just as likely to be the husband who stops taking care of himself as the wife.
Edited 1/3/2006 2:09 am ET by katmandoo2001
I just wanted to add that it very possibly could be that she doesn't realize how important her physical appearance is to you or what it means to you, tells others and you. I think for men, say the guys girlfriend or wife gains a lot of weight, other guys think less of the bf or dh. The way they perceive the woman in the guys life directly effects the way they perceive the guy himself and the way the guy himself sees himself and it effects his pride, selfimage, respect, perhaps even value, etc.
Everyone has their own tastes and things that are and aren't important to them. To some guys it doesn't matter that a woman is overweight, he prefers heavy women. He therefore has no problem with it and suffers no negative feelings or images. Other men know or find out he prefers his women heavy and they may not share his preference, but since it's his preference, he has what he wants and they perceive no negative image about this guy or pitty him etc.
But the guy who everyone knows takes steps and is disciplined to being fit and wants his mate that way too, not only is seen by others as lacking or even pittied, but he may feel that her lack of care shows him she doesn't care for his feelings, needs, etc., that he isn't important enough to her to keep in shape which can effect his own self image, show to him a lack of respect on her part toward him, and be made to feel like he is not valued, etc.
I may be way off here, but this is, to the best of my ability to explain it, how I see it.
I would have to talk to her, explain how important it is to me and if she doesn't want to do it, for herself too, then I'd have to say move on. If fit is your preference you aren't going to be happy with the best in every other field but fit.
Edited 1/4/2006 1:15 pm ET by flyguy2004
A person you care about should be encouraged to stay as healthy as possible....not just remain slim to be sexy to you. Wrong focus. Healthy does not equal "unchanged."
We all change as we age, there's nothing you can do about that. No one remains perpetually slim and youthful, no matter how well you take care of yourself. Our bodies and faces change regardless.
A man or woman could remain the same weight for their entire lives but because the weight shifts and distributes differently on the body, they look will still look different, perhaps heavier. A 60 yr. old man or woman can be very fit, trim and attractive, but they still don't look like they used to.
Of course physical attraction is important...particularly in the beginning when building a relationship but it has to be based on more than that. Maybe you should concentrate on seeing the beauty and sexuality within the person rather than worrying about losing your attraction to the always changing exterior. A few pounds either way should not have that much control over your attraction though.
In any case, if you attempt to box a person into an expectation that is so restrictive and stifling, then you will likely lose her before you lose your attraction anyway.
When you truly love someone, it's easy to forgive their faults, real or perceived, and forgive them for not being perfect...as if they ever were.
Edited 1/4/2006 5:50 pm ET by katmandoo2001
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