Playing with fire!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2005
Playing with fire!
4
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 8:07pm

I am new here but a girlfriend of mine told me she comes to a preganacy site on Ivillage so I thought I would check it out to see if there were other boards, sure enough, here I am! So a little about me... I am married, have been for many years to someone 15 years my senior, over the last year or so things have been pretty rocky. I started a company which has become very successful, along with my husbands income we are doing very well, so of course this is the time when things start to get complicated.

About three months ago I took on a huge client, it just so happens it is the same company my husband is the President of, now worries right? WRONG!

One of the senior executives there started flirting with me one day, nothing major but enough to catch my attention. Then we started having lunch together, still no big deal...

Then one day what supposed to be a working lunch took a turn. We were talking about work stuff and the next thing I know we are sharing detailed accounts of our lives, spouses (yes, he's married too) kids (yes, we both have kids too) everything. it was so great having someone take an interest in ME again.

I have never cheated on my husband and he says he has never cheated on his wife, I may have thought about it but I have never acted on it, and even now that remains true, nothing has happened. That being said, I can not remember ever wanting someone so badly, EVER!

Not to mention, and I know this sounds shallow, but my husband has gained a lot of weight and I am a very active, healthy, young woman, as is this new man in my life.

So I guess the question I am getting to is this, is it worth risking my family, my business, my marriage, everything for what feels like could be the love of my life? If not, how do I get past this? I think about him all the time, when I am not with him I am talking to him either on the phone or chat or email. How can I distance myself from someone I see everyday?

Please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2005
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 8:16pm
I'm almost in the same position as you (although I'm not married). Its a rough choice and soo hard to make, when your entire body is telling you that you want the other man...when your body aches for him.
I guess these feelings are normal... its all in how you deal with it.
Would you be able to face your husband after cheating on him?
I guess it all depends on how you are willing to deal with the aftermath...if you can handle living with your husband and yourself..go ahead.
Other wise, just keep the fantasy alive
:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 8:38pm

There is NO easy way of dealing with it. One thing to think about is what you will loose if it happens and how you would feel as your life is broken up around you as your husband leaves you. You simply can't guarantee that you could keep it a secret. There is always a good chance that it will come out in the end.

So....... limit the contact that you have with him. Avoid any situations where you have intimate dinners.

Try working on your relationship with your husband too. You say that he's gained weight? Have you talked to him about it? Maybe he's noticed too and lacks the time or the motivation to do something about it. Business is good apparently. Can the two of you take more time off together?

There were probably times when you were single or at high school that you "ached" for someone and lusted after them without success. You lived through that then, you can do it again here and now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 9:42pm

With regards to your last paragraph - you already know all the answers to those questions. You know you already know the answers and no one here can validate them for you. Nor can anyone here direct you to an action that you aren't already willing to do.

With regards to your second-to-last paragraphy: At 20-21, I met and married a man 17 years my senior. We were happily married for 12, not-so happily for 3, and I spent our last 2 years planning my escape. During our 12 happy years he suffered two heart-by-passes and severe back pain (nothing in his past would have predicted either issue) and through it all I loved him totally. I knew when I married him that he would age right before my eyes and I had to be prepared that physically, he would not be the man I walked down the aisle with, however his personality/soul was still the same and that is what I loved. I loved our "quickies" (at least 45 minutes), I loved our humorous outlook, I even loved our arguments (yes, he did make me think)! However, what drove me to leave him was three years of no teamwork; no intimacy; no closeness; no mutual dreams; no mutual desire to be together; no acknowledging the other's words, pleas or cries. Why do I write this? Because somewhere in your second-to-last paragraph is your answers to your last paragraph! Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 12:17pm

I had posted a message to you earlier but it seems to have gone into never never land so I'll have to do that later. Just wanted to say that I can relate to your situation (there are some differences) but certainly in terms of falling for someone and feeling torn. I too am fairly new to these boards (few days) and it's that situation that drew me here. I give you a lot of credit if you are still able to run your company and function through this. I too run my own company (more development stage) and it's hellish trying to focus and keep my mind from straying to him (and I'm not certain whether he's married yet). I'd rather just fall into his arms.... but things are rarely that simple in these circumstances. Sigh!

P.S. Wouldn't it be so much easier if we were chimps, then we could just give in to our primal feelings.