Please Assist - Female Orgasm Issue

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2004
Please Assist - Female Orgasm Issue
5
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 8:09pm

Hello all! I'm hoping someone here can shed some light on a situation I'm in.

I am dating this wonderful 26 year old woman, and she has a sexual hangup I've never run into or even heard about. Once she reaches a certain level of sexual pleasure / stimulation, she has this sudden urge to stop all sexual contact completely. I.E. we'll be in the middle of foreplay, and she's feeling really good, and better, and then WHUMP she just can't even stand to be touched for one more second, at least sexually.

She's never been molested, she's never been with a 'bad' or abusive lover, and she's got an amazing body that she's fairly comfortable with (being seen naked is no problem, doesn't seem to be self conscious about anything in particular). But she can only get so aroused before she 'shuts down' as she calls it.

She's had this problem forever. Needless to say, she's never had an orgasm. Of course at first this intrigued me, and being a generous/attentive lover with a history of being able to get the most 'frigid' (bad term, but you know what I mean) woman to reach climax, I thought I could help her with this. But the problem isn't that she hasn't been pleasured properly before; the problem is that once she reaches a certain level of pleasure, she shuts down.

I asked her how she managed to have sex with her other partners, and she told me that the only way to do it was to be sure to have intercourse before she was really aroused, and then stop if she actually got aroused during the sex. Can you believe that!?! The only way she can have sex is if she can do it in a way that is totally pleasure-less.

I really feel sorry for her and would like to help somehow. If any of you have any feedback, it'd be much appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 9:15pm

Hi Bdking:


You need to get her to a sex counselor or therapist.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2004
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 10:51pm
I agree, she needs to see a therapist. My parents told me if I had sex I'd go to hell, when I was only 6 years old. Not really "abusive", but there are other things that can affect your ability to enjoy sex. Only she can figure out what it is. Best of luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 1:40pm
I can see where the feelings of arousal can get so intense, if someone has never had an orgasm before, it can be a little scary for them to let go. I would recommend letting her be as much in control as possible, even trying masturbation at the point she "shuts down". But I agree it sounds like a difficult case that maybe needs professional guidance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2004
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 7:44pm

Hello, I have had the same problem as your girlfriend sometimes, although I don't make the sex stop, I kind restrain myself from having a major orgasm. I think I'm partly scared to have an orgrasm, especially when a guy is going down on me. I'm afraid I'll just "let loose" and go to the bathroom on him or something. It's fear of the reaction. I have been able to come to orgasm..but after like 7 years of having sex, it's only happened one or two times. I usually just don't get stimulated enough,..but when I'm getting close, I tense up and hold back for some odd reason.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2004
Sun, 12-26-2004 - 3:24pm
There are some good books like "sex for one". I am very comfortable and unhibited. But I think women have a harder time accepting their bodies and exploring. If she can get comfortable with her own body and explore it she may feel more comfortable sharing what she has.