Please First, Please 2nd, but not 3rd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Please First, Please 2nd, but not 3rd
5
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 12:34am

Ive had sex with only three women. All within a two year span and ive been able to pleasure the first two but not my current one. Ive been

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 2:10am
Look for number four!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 7:41am

Hi and welcome ivegotaquestion. Nice to meet you. Stick around and jump in anytime. The people here are wonderful. Will you please fill in your profile so we can know something about you? Thanks!


Maybe she just doesn't like sex. If that's the case, and you do, then maybe you need to find someone else....

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28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 9:53am

Welcome to the board, ivegotaquestion.

Sexual pleasure for women is very different than it is for men. Unfortunately, many women live their entire lives without ever experiencing an orgasm. That isn't to say they don't receive pleasure from sexual activity ...

It sounds like she is less experienced and perhaps not in tune with her own body. She may also be shy -- which is a reason why many women feel uncomfortable receiving pleasure from oral sex. She may feel it's dirty or wrong, she may feel her genitals are unattractive, she may feel that she can't relax enough to enjoy the experience -- any number of things could be keeping her from enjoying the event.

A great website you might want to share with her is www.the-clitoris.com. It will teach her about her own body and how it responds to sexual stimulation. Another thing would be for you to have patience with her, reassure her that you find her attractive, that you want to please her, and give her time to be comfortable with all that that entails.

Putting pressure on her will be counter-productive. As others said, she may not enjoy sex -- but it's my belief that everyone enjoys sex if they have the right encounter. It may be that she needs to learn to enjoy sex, that she needs to learn more about her own body, and she needs to have more confidence in herself and in you. Whether or not you want to make that investment is up to you.

If you know her well enough, and your relationship has the right kind of vestment, you could also try giving her a book about sexual pleasure or a vibrator as a gift. Ultimately, her sexual satisfaction is up to her. Her lack of sexual satisfaction is not necessarily a reflection on you -- so don't beat yourself up over it if you are doing the right things (having patience, being caring, being complementary, trying to be a good lover, etc.). Here are a few articles that you might also want to share with her ...

Know Thyself: The Female Form 101
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexsolo/0,,traceycox_b6vtmjv3,00.html

Masturbation 101: 6 Tips for Solo Pleasure
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexsolo/0,,drpatti_mskn,00.html

Why can’t I have an Orgasm?
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexorgasm/0,,drruth_qr4q,00.html

Help! I’ve never had an orgasm
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexorgasm/0,,drpatti_216,00.html

Be sure that you let her know that you want her to experience more pleasure. It has to be something she feels comfortable with and ready to experience -- it can't be about you or how it makes you feel. Ultimately, the more pleasure she experiences, the more into it she will be -- so it is a win-win situation for both of you.









... and ...




iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2007
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 1:32pm
I agree with some of the others, find the 4th one and maybe she will actually like sex and trying new things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2007
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 3:55pm
You might want to investigate the mismatched libidos board. You dont want to get serious and say I do with someone that is not pleasing you sexually and for alot of guys like mine he can feel pressured and is not happy if I am not equally pleased. If she cant talk about it this problem with you then I say find #4 also.