Please help me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
Please help me!
10
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 7:20pm
Hi evry1!

I've been sexually active with my bf for the past few months.

It's really painfull to begin with and then it gets slightly easier but I still don't enjoy it and feel I should be by now! I don't have any problems climaxing. It's just sex that seems to be the problem! Can anyone help me please as I feel like there's something wrong with me and it's really getting me down?! :o(

Look forward to hearing any of your suggestions.

Many thanx.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 8:03pm
Hon, you really haven't given us enough detail to make a guess.

What sort of pain do you experience? Are you having adeqeate foreplay? What do you do when it hurts? Do you climax before sex?

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2004
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 8:15am
Seems to me like you take a bit longer than your boyfriend to be ready for penetration, He needs to take his time and give you lots and lots of foreplay so you're really relaxed and wet.

Make time to be on your own where you wont be disturbed, maybe book a night in a hotel. Take some scented candles and some massage oil and some lubricant..........I'll leave the rest to your imagination!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 9:47am


Hey iv_aisha2004!!

Well, he was my first time it's still the same kinda pain that I had at the beginning with him.

Foreplay could probably be a bit more but he kinda gets carried away!

It happens when he's entering me, after a while it's easier but the other day it didn't really pass and in the end we had to stop coz he could see I wasn't enjoying it!

If I climaxed before sex then I wouldn't wana do it afterwards!!!!! :o)

I can climax, it's just a problem to when I'm having sex. I really don't enjoy it!!

Thanx for your help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 9:54am


Hey gnataliya

That sounds like my kinda night!

I have suggested that to him.

I still think there's something wrong with me though!

Thanx for your help :o)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 11:16am

Foreplay is a necessity for many women no matter how long they've been having sex.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 12:31pm


Hi cl-issytish

Thanks for that.

I know women can have multiple orgasms, I just haven't experienced it yet! Lucky u! :oP

Once I've had an orgasm I don't feel in the mood nemore but I'm gona take ur advice and go on the website.

My bf is good in evry other way and he can get me 2 climax.

Think I need to be a bit more experimental!

I'm sure that part of the problem is not enough foreplay.

Thanx 4 your help.

Honeybunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 12:50pm
If something is painful, then you need to stop. Sex should not be painful, particularly if you're grimmacing in pain. I wouldn't even worry about intercourse, until you feel ready...and if that's not for a few more weeks, then so be it. Just enjoy everything else, and you'll know when you're ready. You could also do the female-superior position, so that YOU can control the ease of penetration. This could also be accomplished in the spooning position.

As far as when you orgasm, eventually you will learn more about your body and you will learn what you want and enjoy most. I like if I orgasm during penetration, but I will often orgasm during foreplay and often will have a second during penetration. For me, the first orgasm is very different than all subsequent ones. That may not be the case for you or any other woman. Sex is about exploration and in partner sex, not only of your own body, but your partner's as well. Just relax and let whatever happens happen, there's nothing wrong with you, you're you, you're normal for you.




Edited 10/26/2004 1:00 pm ET ET by ismelltheroses

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 3:15pm
Yeah I know but I don't want to stop, I just want to make it easier.

I expect some pain as I'm new to it all.

Thank you so much for your help.

Everyone's been lovely!

Honeybunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2004
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 9:27am
Hi honeybunny,

It will get easier I promise! It was the same for me, sex was very painful the first time, and became gradually less painful the more we did it. It really doesnt have to painful though, if you take your time. I'll tell you about what happened to me.......


My first lover had been with several girls before me but was not 'experienced', if that makes any sense, but he thought he was. It wasnt really his fault, he was a confident, cocky (pardon the pun!) young guy. Not very sensitive.

The mistake I made was not speaking up, I didnt know what to expect and I didnt want to make a fool of myself or hurt his feelings, to be honest I shouldnt have been doing it all because I obviously wasn't ready, and I just didnt know him well enough to feel comfortable talking about my private parts!

He wanted to do it all the time, three or four times in a row sometimes and was he pretty clumsy. I would wake up the next day feeling sore and bruised. It was always rushed because we were both living with parents at the time, so we had to be sneaky and I could never really relax and enjoy it. In fact he didnt manage to make me come until we'd been sleeping together for months and months, which I'd never had a problem with when I was on my own ;-)

I think maybe he had that victorian attitude from 100 years ago at the beginning of our relationship, that sex was for men to enjoy, not women, and there's no such thing as the female orgasm!

We were together for two years. I loved him, but we broke up for a lot of reasons, partly because I started to feel resentful about the way I lost my virginity (i wanted it to be perfect, rose petals, candlelight etc - but in reality he shoved it in without even asking if I was ready, and he knew i was a virgin)

I know that virginity is something that some girls are ashamed of and cant wait to get rid of - but I had wanted it to be really special, a spiritual connection, not just physical, and of course its not something you get another shot at. It made me feel used.

What I'm trying to say is don't make the mistake I did. Talk to each other. Sex should be good for both of you. If you havn't got the time to make it good for YOU ( or at the very very least, comfortable, until your body gets used to it) than just make him wait, until YOU feel you can relax properly. Be selfish if you have to be, his sexual needs are NOT greater than yours - even if he tells you his balls ache and are going to explode(!)

Take care

Gnat xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 10:03am
Hi gnataliya

Thank you. I know it will get easier eventually! It's just really frustrating me.

I know him very well and it's got nothing to do with the fact that I don't feel comfortable with him, coz I do.

It might be coz, like you were, we're both still living with our parents so it can feel a bit awkward sometimes.

My bf is very undertsanding, unlike your ex. He feels bad coz he can see he's hurting me and most of the time it's him that says he wants to stop because of it! I just wana keep doin it until it feels more natural!!! :o)

I wanted the way I lost my virginity to be perfect too, exactly the way you described but it wasn't like that at all.

We talk about it a lot. I think he feels like he's no good at the moment and I don't want him to think that at all!

We're actually not on very good terms at the moment. I'm still young and he's very possesive and gets incredibly jealous. We're not actually together at the moment but we're still very close if you know what I mean ;o)

Everyone's been really helpfull on here :o)

I'm actually from the UK, the website for over here wasn't working but I'm really pleased I posted my problem on this site!

Thank you.

Honeybunny x x x