Please Help! Should I do it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
Please Help! Should I do it?
18
Mon, 05-21-2007 - 1:02pm

Hi, this is my first time posting... Background: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now, we have known each other for almost two and we have a healthy and loving relationship. Sex of course is a large part of our relationship. We like to have fun with it and we have experimented with things such as bondage. The Crisis: Recently, my boyfriend and I were "having our fun" when I expressed to him that I wanted to fulfill his fantasies. Then I asked him what some of his fantasies were. In short, he said that he wanted to watch me "with" another man. I didn't know what to expect when I asked him, but this truly shocked me! He is a jealous person - as am I - and I would never expect that to be what would turn him on. He said that he imagines it sometimes. Ever since that night, the subject has been coming up quite often. He said that he wants to see me doing it; he wants to see me being naughty. He suggested his roommate/best friend because he trusts him and he is attractive. I have expressed some of my concerns to him. I worry that he would have that image embedded in his brain and that it would drive him crazy because of his jealousy. I worry that other people would find out. I spend a lot of time at there house of course and I am afraid that it would make things awkward. However, we both agreed that if it wasn't him we would have to find someone else that we didn't know as well or even at all, and that would make it more uncomfortable.

I love him and I only want to be with him, but he wants to watch me with someone else. I want to fulfill his desires, but I'm not sure how I could do this, or how I would act. I do admit that it has made me curious though. I think there is a chance that I might like it if he were watching me. It might be exciting. But I just don't understand how the want to see me having sex, being pleasured and giving pleasure could bypass his jealousy. I'm so confused. Please help!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 6:44am

Welcome to the board passionplus. I hope you'll visit May Roll Call and let us get to know you a little better.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2007
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 6:54am
Hi China:
That was my husband's fantasy also and we did discuss it for years. We finally proceeded to the next step. We belong to AFF (Misty mentioned) but have also gone to swinger clubs. I prefer the clubs because you can meet the person face to face, see if there is chemistry. Over the internet people can say whatever they want. We had been emailing with a guy, he sent lots of pictures, met him several times for drinks, then when we decided it was a go, he wasn't circumcised, his pictures were, huh? Did he think we wouldn't notice??? We also have ground rules. No friends, no work acquaintances, no married guys, never at our house, to name a few. Any way, contrary to what some may say, my husband and I have an awesome relationship. We have been married 17 years and are still madly in love. The one thing I would caution you on, my husband does not have a jealous bone in his body. If your boyfriend is really jealous, could he let that go? Well, just wanted to give you a little more info for your decision. Hugs, Bell
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 7:39am

Thank you!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 1:15pm

Chicago, thank you for your reply. As for your idea, we have done half that. I mean, he has uses a dildo on me sometimes and a few times he has asked me to use it in front of him. I did, but I still let him touch me. Maybe I should try not letting him touch me. Thanks for your advice.

China Doll

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 1:30pm

Thank you for your reply Passionplus. Yes, I agree. That is why I am leaning toward not doing it. I'm begining to wonder if he is truly serious or if he is just saying that because it is exciting to fantasize about. Or, he may think he wants to do it, when really he would not be able to handle actually going through with it. Besides, I don't want another man, and I would not want him to be with another girl - even if I was there.

China Doll

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2005
Tue, 05-22-2007 - 5:53pm
What is there to take offense to? It doesn't sound to me like he ambushed her with this and started pressuring her to do it. She asked him what his fantasies were and he answered truthfully. I'd say that the fact they feel liek they can trust each other enough to be honest about and share their fantasies suggests that they have a pretty healthy relationship. Things usually start to go south in a relationship when people feel that they need to pretend to be someone they aren't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2005
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 4:47am
DW uses a realistic dildo while she gives me a blowjob and we fantasize that we are having a MFM threesome. I will say things like the other guy might-like how good it is-how tight, etc. We watch group sex DVD'S while we fantasize. Much safer than the real thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 6:49am
I did say, “personally I would take offence”. It takes two to make a couple, three for a team…..“Personally“, in love and sex I don’t play team sports.
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