pls ease my mind :"(

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2006
pls ease my mind :"(
5
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 2:10pm
my fiance n i wud be getting married in a year but the thing is i can sense his insecurity of my past though i noe he tries to jus put them aside.when we were in the earlier stage of the relationship,he asked if i was a virgin n of cos i said yes cos as far as i knoe i've nvr let any of my ex to even come close to my vagina as i want2kip it for my husband in da future.even though sum tried2 persuade me into fingering me but it was still a straight 'NO' frm me.
However wen i had sex for the first time with my fiance,there was no sign of virginity blood.this greatly upsets me as i felt as though i've let my fiance down cos i knoe it was wad he was expecting,2prove wad i've claimed.i noe he was upset too which required me to swear in the name of god of my claim for him to eventually yet reluctantly try to believe in me.at the same time tis incident confuses me and makes me frustrated cos why the hell was there no blood,like my fiance said there shud if ure a virgin,since he's the first dick tat ever penetrated me.tis matter bothers me alot and i noe it bothers him too cos though he doesnt bring tis matter up again aft a few huge arguments we had,i heard him bringing it up the last time we had a misunderstanding wen he was practically shouting at me.tats how i noe tis matter still bothers him internally.
with tis matter weighing on my mind,on one of the days i sumhow recalled my relationship wit my last ex,the one before i met my fiance.
tis ex of mine did tried to poke his penis to my butt area,though i was naive then,i didnt felt rite wit him so within a few seconds tat i felt a hard thing poking to my butt area,i told him to stop which he did.i remembered i was having my menses on tat day n on the way home inside the cab tat day i recalled feeling funny cos the feeling of that hardened thingy poking at my butt area cud still sumhow b felt(probably bcos it was my first time to exprience sumtin like tat,i dunno)wen i got home tat day n was in the toilet with the intention to change my pad,i remembered seeing 2 very small lumps of blood clot look-alike which i previously tot it was my ex's sperm,but of cos tat was b4 i learn tat sperm is not visible to d naked eye.tis made me wonder cud tat be my virginity blood??please do explain to me more about virginity blood A-Z...cos i relly love my fiance and i jus cnt figure out how to convince him that he is the first guy i had sex n slept wit..n that i've NEVER gone tis far wit any other guy..i just dnt want him to doubt my truthfulness..the more insecure he is, makes ME insecure n confuse of my own past..at the same time tis matter is making me becoming like him(which i dnt wan to),make me insecure of HIS past...with his matched make ex fiance(who happened2be of arab descent so many said she was pretty n all)though he swear that he didnt hav any feelings for her n tat he got engaged due to parents' wants n their relationship it ended within a few months.
with him having insecurities abt me slowly makes me have insecurities abt him which i dnt wish to hav at all cos its not wad i want to hav in tis relationship with him..so please help me out...at least lessen my burden..and help me ease my mind n soul..
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 3:57pm

There is NO SUCH THING as "virginity blood". Most women don't bleed the first time they have sex! If this man doesn't believe you, there's nothing you can do to change him. If he loved you, he would believe you. If he understood sex and women's bodies, he wouldn't call you a liar because you didn't bleed.

You can explain to him all you want, but if he doesn't trust you, then he doesn't love you, and he will make your life a living hell forever. If he can't accept that you were a virgin till he took your virginity, there is nothing you can do to change him, and you should think twice about marrying him.

Again, the "attempt" at anal sex has nothing to do with virginity. Whatever happened then, didn't cause blood clots, and it wasn't virginity blood. That comes from tearing the woman's hymen, which covers her vagina, and has nothing to do with your anus. Most women don't have hymens anymore, and in some cultures, they take an animal's blood to the marriage bed with them, to leave stains, which will "prove" they were a virgin. That is a carry over from hundreds of years ago, when people were ignorant about women's bodies. Your fiance should know better, it's 2006! If he doesn't believe what you say, then he will never believe it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 6:22pm

As Dakine said, your fiance does not know much about the female body.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
Sat, 09-30-2006 - 9:21am
Wow, I couldn't even get through your post because of the horrible, uneducated way in which you speak, but I got the main drift and for God's sake your fiancee needs to grow up. I didnt bleed my first time, or any time. If he can't trust you, don't get married.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 09-30-2006 - 10:26am

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Sat, 09-30-2006 - 11:06am

Amen! And an "educated" person should be able to tell when English isn't a person's first language. I often wonder how well most of us would do in that person's language.

There are unfortunately a lot of "English speakers" that don't do so well, but again, we weren't all blessed with a good education.......and that moronic "text" messaging plays a big part in the lack of grammar and punctuation and spelling.