plss i need ur advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2004
plss i need ur advice
8
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 1:11am
thankss..well the problem is she says she does not get pleasure from intercouse just preasure (orgasm is far away from it).she says i am her first (i understand somewomen dont have the hymen present when the have intercouse for the fist time).its over 8months now and she still sayz thesame thing..i even had to beg her to tell me how she feels or i would stop having sex with her (even though we dont do it often--cause of her).she keeps saying its her fault and that she is just under sexed..i dont know how to talk her to be free with her body. when we make out..its great sometimes i think she has wat i call a breast orgasm.. her clitoris seems to be responding fine..just the penetration. (i hope i'm not been too explicit here but i'm just concerned).she even makes mee slide in and out between her tigh (guess for clitoral friction..not too good for mebut i know she gets pleasure from it.)
please wat do i do when it comes to penetration...looks like she as zeroed her mind that penetration is pleasurable or she does not know how to go about it.she does not even let me use my finger..
i'm kinda angry and unhappy at thesame time
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 12:00pm

Try adding or continuing manual clitoral stimulation during intercourse, and she might enjoy intercourse more.

The clitoris serves no other purpose but to provide pleasure so why stop stimulating it once there is penetration? It would be like having the shaft of your erection stimulated without ever touching the head! Makes no sense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 12:33pm

Did you read the replies to your other post? If not, then go read them. It was explained to you that many women don't have orgasms from intercourse, and she's probably one of them. That doesn't mean she doesn't enjoy it.

You need to STOP badgering her about what she feels. She was a virgin, and maybe she's not capable of expressing what she feels. All you need to worry about is whether or not you're giving her all the pleasure you know how to give her.

Do you think that getting angry, and THREATENING her will make it change? If a man told me that he would stop having sex with me unless I told him every time how wonderful it felt, I would tell him GOODBYE! You don't threaten a woman into having pleasure and talking about it!

A man who understands a woman's body, and knows HOW to make love to a woman doesn't have to be TOLD constantly how great he is. His pleasure comes from giving HER pleasure. When she's been satisfied, then you can move on to intercourse, you can get YOUR pleasure, and you both should be happy!

If she's not having orgasms from interecourse, then she's NOT, and nothing you can do will change it. Are you with her because you LOVE her, or because you want her to build your ego?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 3:44pm
Two words.....ORAL SEX! For most women intercourse is "nice" but it doesnt compare ,when it comes to giving her mind blowing orgasms, as using your tongue skillfully on and around her clit and entire vulva area.Someone also mentioned her masturbating her clit as you have intercourse, GREAT IDEA!! Or maybe even introduce a vibrator for her clit during intercourse. A real man knows ,when it comes to great sex, its time to leave the ego at the door and concentrate on HER pleasure..The more pleasure you help her get(in what ever form necessary) the more pleasure you will get in return. A good book to read is "She comes first" its at all major book stores.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2004
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 10:47pm

PLS DONT GET ME WRONG
hi...thanks every one.it seems somefolks are getting me wrong.... i am not putting preasure on her to have an orgasm (not even close..so it has nothing to do with ego).what i am saying is that she said she does not feel anything but pressure in her vagina.i think she is very scared about that part of her body.she wont even let me use my fingers.she seem to enjoy other things i do to her but penetration is out of it.no she says she as never touched herself.she wont even look at her V in the mirror (not like its that seriouse)..but the thing is..she is the kind of girl that dont tell u wat really pleasures them (mabe she thinks that makes her a wild girl).sometimes i see her making facial expressions when i'm doing things to her(u know!! like she is enjoying it..)but when she notices my eyes she stops (she says she is always shy).i think she as a different mind or expectation about penetration.thats whyi am asking HOW THE VAGInA FEELS ON AN AVERAGE DURING PENETRATION (any pleasure inside at all?).We have a great relationship so its not like she aint free with me.thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 12:52am

Again, I will explain it to you. MOST women do not have orgasms from vaginal penetration. That is because they have VERY LITTLE feeling inside the vagina. It is exactly as she said......she feels the "pressure"....she knows that your penis is inside her.....that is ALL she feels. She may enjoy it in a "mental" way, most women do. But physically, it's nothing special.

The vagina is more for the pleasure of the man in most cases. And, as a woman, she ENJOYS giving you that pleasure.

As far as her touching herself, and looking in a mirror, she is inexperienced sexually, and she's not comfortable with that part of sexuality. You can't force her to do these things, you will only get her upset. When she matures sexually, she might get curious about all that, but that will happen when SHE's ready, not when you want her to do it.

When a person learns to ski, in the beginning they go on the small hills, they don't start out on the highest mountain.....some people stay on the small hills for years, others get brave and go to the high mountain quickly......When she's ready, she'll do these things, and not until.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2004
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 6:29pm
THANKS DIRKEN001 .THATS JUST WHAT I WANTED TO KNOW ..KNOW I CAN EXPLAIN TO HER THAT SHE IS FINE AND THAT THE WAY HER FIRENDS EXPLAIN PENETRATION IS KIND OF OVERRATED.I HOPE U ALL STILL DONT GET ME WRONG. I AM NOT FORCING MY GIRL.. I AM SIMPLY TRYING TO GET INFORMATION SO WE CAN HAVE BETTER LOVE MAKING (SHE IS SHY AND RESERVED WHEN IT COMES TO SUCH TOPICS)..THANKS ONCE AGAIN.(SO ON THE AVERAGE THERE IS NO SIGNIFICANT PLEASURE FELT IN THE VAGINA).WE ALL KNOW THE CLITORIS IS THE BOOM
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 7:52pm

"(SO ON THE AVERAGE THERE IS NO SIGNIFICANT PLEASURE FELT IN THE VAGINA)."

Huh? Many women when **very aroused,** will feel an "urge" to be inserted. Dildos wouldn't exist if that were true. The clitoris is the "main" sexual organ in the female, yes, but that doesn't mean that it's the only one.

What you need to keep in mind, is that all women are different, and that sex isn't only the engagement of the physical, but also the mental. If you want to allow her to explore her own sexuality, then you need to embrace it....that's all. If she feels pressured, or insecure, or inhibited because of "you" (and yes, she will care what you think), then you have to just let her be with respect to getting to know her body. If she feels "broken" because you are questioning her, subsconsciously, she may hold back on her own pleasure for fear of feeling judged.

The point is, stop worrying about everything, and just let things progress naturally. No matter what she is capable of physicially, if her mind gets in the way, it will never surface.

To say that the vagina has no significant pleasurable feelings is not a true statement. It is just a different type of stimulation, one of which alone or combined together with other stimuli will give pleasure, and one which is different for "each" woman. For me, it all depends on the "type" of arousal. I can have a more local arousal and have very strong orgasms, and I can have a more pervasive arousal (where I feel that everything inside and out is very engorged), where I absolutely crave to be penetrated (where in this stated, the clitoris may even become too sensitive to the touch) and will orgasm from intercourse alone. Nothing is set in stone, is what I'm getting at. Just stop "expecting" this or that, and just let her "explore" her sexuality. It is likely that she is learning right along with you, what she likes and how her body reacts to this or that.

Try relaxing yourself, and stop making her feel as though she has to perform up to some standard. If she is reserved, then even the more the reason you should be gaining her trust by allowing her to go at her own pace. Given the fact that she is the way she is (her personality ) it could take a while...just be patient. Why is it that people feel so "rushed" when it comes to sex. Where's the fire? ;-) The best thing about sex, is exploring together....it's a journey you both partake in....however....it should be "free" and "fun" with no "goals." That's the *attitude* you need to take on yourself....and then spread the love.... ;-)

Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 8:12pm
What is important is what your GF says she feels, not a bunch of her friends or strangers on this board. She has already told you what she feels. THAT'S what's important. You can reassure her that she is totally normal.