Plzz advice..

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
Plzz advice..
9
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 3:01am
Hello all...I hope I will get some help here...I am married for the past 1 year and when it comes to sex I find that my husband is not very interested..This was not happening initially but I can notice that for the past 7 months...There is no involvement while having sex and I feel that he just wants to have and finish off and he does not explore my body much while having sex...He is a very nice person otherwise and loves me a lot and is very caring but for this behaviuor of his..I have tried discussing about this to him but I dont think there has been any improvement and I feel ackward to tell him in detail..And most of the times I am the one who initiates for sex and I feel that it feels nice if your man initiates...And also sex has bcum like a commitment ie.meaning we are having sex for the heck of it...I want him to be attracted to me and I also cant express and I expect him to feel all these by himself and it cant happen by me forcing him..Also we are planning for 2 years from the time we got married but I don't think that has to be any reason for his behaviour...Please gimme some advice...How do I tackle this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
In reply to: dheeya
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 9:00am

You talk to him outside the bedroom and let him know what your wants, needs and desires are.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
In reply to: dheeya
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 9:06am

Welcome to the board dheeya.

It sounds like you and your hubby need to have a long talk, outside of the bedroom. Let him know what you need to be satisfied sexually and let him know that you want him to initiate more. Don't be afraid or shy about telling him, because it is something that he may just not know on his own.

There's a great website, www.the-clitoris.com, that goes into great detail describing female genitalia and stimulation. Both of you should read that and talk about what you discover there. If he still doesn't "get it", then try to have him join you for couples counseling.

Here are a couple of articles that you might find helpful:

30 Days of Great Sex
Step 4: Talk About Sex
http://love.ivillage.com/lnm/lnmgetcloser/0,,nr21,00.html

Speak Up! Ask Him for What You Want
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,7ffztdxn,00.html

How can I get my guy to listen?
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,guystellall_9nmljwsn,00.html

Get Through to Your Man: 5 Tips for Better Communication
http://love.ivillage.com/lnm/lnmgetcloser/0,,84s,00.html



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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
In reply to: dheeya
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 10:14am
Thanks a ton for the advice...But I had mentioned that I've spoken to him about it and there is an age difference of 7 between us and when there is an arguement between us he is the one who wins...Frankly I don't know how to express this and I feel bad to actually tell this coz I feel things should not happen by force and he should know naturally(given the knowledge that he has abt everything...he is very smart)...But one thing I know for sure is he loves me a lot but I feel the lack in our sex life...I am feeling very helpless...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
In reply to: dheeya
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 10:19am
Thanks a ton for the advice...But I had mentioned that I've spoken to him about it and there is an age difference of 7 between us and when there is an arguement between us he is the one who wins...Frankly I don't know how to express this and I feel bad to actually tell this coz I feel things should not happen by force and he should know naturally(given the knowledge that he has abt everything...he is very smart)...But one thing I know for sure is he loves me a lot but I feel the lack in our sex life...I am feeling very helpless..7 months back was our initial stages of marriage and the enthusiasm was there but after that it is lost....There has been lot of arguements between us but our relationship other than sex life is superb...I am scared that it should not cum in he way of our happiness....The planning I meant is for our baby(family planning)...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
In reply to: dheeya
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 10:47am

Hi, I read your message and you said, "he is a very nice preson ,loves me alot, otherwise is caring but for this behaviour of his..." I don't know you or your husband but i ope i can help you in some small way. you've got some great advice here from the other messages so I hope you hear them.

Sex and love between to people who care about each other should be filled with passion and pleasure and hope and desire. You should never feel like sex with the one you cherish has become a chore nor should your partner. Because relationships involve more than one person both people should be happy. If you are unhappy do something about it.

Remeber marriages aren't perfect, they take lots of work. To many people are to willing to give up a dream that so many wish that they had because of the hard work. You sond like you are not ready to give up your dream, so don't. Take the advice that's offered here, deffinatley talk to your husband and t's okay if you have to romance him. Men aren't that diffrent from women when it comes to self-esteem issues in the bed room. Maybe he's afraid to iniate fearing that he 's going to offend you in some way.

I would suggest buying some sexy lengerie, some scented candles, put on some mood music, spice it up. Sometimes men just get bored and lazy, show him what he's missing. Check out a good intimate store for women that sells everything your looking for from lengerie, to lotions, to "marital aids", whatever. If your the shy type there's a great store geared towards females(for the comfort level, believe me some of the "Adult stores" are a little more risque). check out www.sassysensations.com maybe it will give you a few ideas.

And like every one else said talk to your DH, he needs to hear you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
In reply to: dheeya
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 10:48am

I don't know what the age difference has to do with anything and you shouldn't argue over it, just have a talk about it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
In reply to: dheeya
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 12:24am
Not to scare you, but when a man isn't into sex at all-there is usually a lack of care and respect he has for you. If he is juts caring about himself in bed and not worried about you, that says a lot about him and you may need to evaluate the rest of the relationship.
I went through what you are going through in a relationship one time, it turns out he was just done with me and his feelings showed through our sex life.
I hope this is not the case with you, but you need to think about it.
Sex is about showing ones feelings through a physical manner, if he isn't sharing sex...he may not have many feelings to share anymore.
Good luck girl. You will be fine no matter what happens.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
In reply to: dheeya
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 8:36am
Welcome to the board baileyandrea. Thanks for joining in.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
In reply to: dheeya
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 2:00am
Thx a ton for all those replies...Wiil take and follow your advice for sure..I hope something works...Thanks again..Thx for your time for me...