Porn observation / Q

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Porn observation / Q
8
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 6:16pm
Does it seem odd to anyone else that some women who come to a board entitled "Lets Talk About Sex" object to porn?

--


martinisnsushi - living the good life since 1963


CL Redbook "Get Inside His Head"

--


martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 6:21pm
I find it more odd that there are issues about porn since everyone does have a choice whether or not they want to watch it.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 8:32pm
No, I don't think that it's odd that some object to porn. Just because you feel like 'talking about sex' doesn't mean that you automatically approve of porn. There are plenty of sexual activities that don't involve or require the use of porn.

I'm not surprised that there are issues with porn usage either. Many of these women don't have a choice in whether they watch the porn or not. OK, maybe they do have a choice themselves, but their partners frequently use porn and encourage these women to use/view it too. I think that's where the issue lies. If it was up to the women there wouldn't be an issue - they wouldn't use it. But because the partners use it and they don't like it there's your issue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 9:04pm

I agree that just because someone likes to talk about sex, that does not mean they like porn.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 12:14am
You're comparing apples and oranges. Talking about sex is exactly that. Sex, sexual problems, looking for ways to make it better, needing to learn things that were never taught in school or at home.

Porn is exaggerated sex. It's not the guy and girl next door.....it's people with exaggerated bodies, performing acts that many people would never consider. It's erotica with a capital "E".

Unless it's causing a problem in a relationship, it shouldn't be a problem. I agree with Tish. It's a matter of respecting the other persons wishes. There are women who like porn, or at least don't object to their man looking at it. Those who have a problem with it are those who grew up with a repressed sexual background, an inhibiting religious background, or have an insecurity problem.

I've seen porn many times over the years. Years ago, it was sleazy plotless silent movies. I found them hilarious, and anything but arousing. The industry has upgraded over the years, and now they have reasonably sane plots, better film quality, and can be interesting, and maybe inspiring. I don't see it on a regular basis, but when I have, I've never compared myself to any woman in them, and if anything, they can create ideas of how to make things more interesting or different. I don't have an insecurity problem, and they don't bother me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 3:49pm
I guess my question would be this:

Where else would be more appropriate for them to object to something of a sexual nature?

;)

BTW, thanks for stopping by our humble little board here, LOL. I'll be checking your board out soon. Hope ya find the place interesting here. :)

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 6:30pm
Where else? Do you mean "Is there another board or forum to which they should direct their objections about porn?"

I think that here on the LTAS board is a fine place to object and to discuss it. Although you don't have to discuss porn to talk here, it's quite valid and appropriate to discuss porn issues here. Porn is a part of sex, but not all sex is about porn.

I just wanted to comment about what tish said with the smoking analogy. My partner is the same. I just started smoking again a short while ago. She hates me smoking, doesn't smoke herself, and I tend to not smoke around her. But that doesn't really make her feel any less annoyed at me for smoking. She can tell when I've been smoking, finds 'evidence' of it around the house, and feels that it affects our sex life.



The same could be said about using porn. Just because you don't use it in front of your partner doesn't mean that they aren't aware or affected by it or have negative feelings towards you for using it.

You can't just say to your wife or g/f. "Oh well. I will use my porn privately and you won't be affected by it." They are affected by it indirectly. So I can see why it can be difficult for many women that dislike porn to let their partners continue to use it even privately. Out-of-sight is not out-of-mind in this case. I'm not offering a solution. Just commenting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 8:32pm

<>


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 10:25pm
>>So, is there a solution?<<

Not specifically for porn in any case. I think that it comes down to what you've said, each couple has to come to some agreement that they can both live with, even if neither is completely satisfied. It's the same type of agreement or compromise that we make all the time with our partners. I think that many people take an all-or-nothing point of view with porn, when it's really just as much a part of someone's personal make-up as anythingelse.

There are usually no clear answers when you are trying to decide if something about a person is acceptable to you in the context of a relationship - for example, is their sense of humour the same as mine? Are their financial and family values the same as mine? Do I like the way they dress? Do they handle anger or stress in a way that I find acceptable or can cope with? Is the sex life with this person acceptable to me?

At the end of the day, the use of porn is just one of those things to be considered and weighed up. Sure, any behaviour can be altered to a degree, but like any old wife will tell you, don't expect marriage to change the person.