Porn vs. Vibrator Follow Up

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2004
Porn vs. Vibrator Follow Up
6
Fri, 08-26-2005 - 5:07pm

A follow up question to this discussion. A couple people pointed out that women's fantasy while masturbating is comparable to porn while men masturbate. I thought most women usually fantasize about their DH/BF when masturbating, as opposed to another person or a faceless body.

Am I wrong about this assumption? If women do fantasize about another person or even a faceless body, then it definitely is comparable to the porn that men watch. The only problem is that only women know what they fantasize about, so they could easily lie when they argue with their DH/BF about porn.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Fri, 08-26-2005 - 5:20pm
I will admit that NOW(the past few years or so) I seem to MOSTLY fantasize about DH, but that's certainly not ALWAYS, and prior to that definitely not mostly. ;-)
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-26-2005 - 5:39pm

Gee, can't men also lie about what they fantasize about during masturbation or even during sex with the wife?

I know that many men claim NOT to continue thinking about the body they were just drooling over in the porno when they have sex with their partner! LOL! I think that's what most women who do have a problem with porn, have a problem with. They don't want to feel like a receptacle for someone else's fantasy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2004
Fri, 08-26-2005 - 6:24pm
Yes, you're right some men do fantasize about other women when having sex. I'm not sure porn has anything to do with it though. If they aren't fantasizing about a porn actress, they could be fantasizing about the hot chick at Starbucks.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 1:37pm

My point is that some women don't appreciate their partner using porn to become aroused in order to have sex with THEM.

And my DH and I both feel that if you're making love with your partner, you should make love with your partner....not someone else in your mind. Be in the moment.

When you're masturbating, it's all about you anyway.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 1:53pm

That is how it SHOULD be. Since my SO watches porn, I asked him if he fantasizes about them when we make love. Of course he said no.


"When he's with me, he's with me." I'd like to believe that...but it's that female insecurity getting to me.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 08-29-2005 - 5:05pm

I'd agree with kayla. Like her b/f I enjoy watching porn and I use it to help the little fantasies while masturbating too. But when I'm with my partner, I'm with her and I'm thinking about her. If you think that it's impossible to always totally concentrate on your partner, then you'd be right. Some days my mind can wander while I'm with her. Sex isn't ALWAYS mind-blowing waves of beautiful sensations. Things like it would have been nice if she'd gone down on me a little or her normally well-trimmed pubic hair is in my mouth, or I better remember to pay the powerbill later, or I might even think that it'd be cool to try that move that I saw in that porn movie, but what I'm not doing is trying to pretend that she's one of the girls in the porn. Other guys might do it, but that's not how my brain works.

As for the original question? Although not a woman, I'm quite sure that a lot of women fantasise about partners and situations other than their husbands. The trouble with porn is that it's a tangible thing - you can see it and know exactly what the guy has been fantasizing about. Whereas a female fantasy of another man, well, that only stays in her head. You'll never know exactly.