pre-marital sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2003
pre-marital sex
23
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 12:21am
Why did people use to have a fit about women have children out of wedlock? Why was it considered morally wrong?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 12:34am
I think much the attitude was based on church's attitudes. However, like many church taboos, the basis is in practicality.

If a woman was to get pregnant at any time before women's lib, she would be unable to support the child. There was no such thing as a single mothers pension back then. Bringing a child into a life of poverty is morally wrong IMHO

As for the 1970's, after women's lib, you must remember that people's attitudes don't change overnight.

I personally find it abhorrent that these days, a woman can choose to have a child with no thought for giving the child an active father. I'm not so much talking about "accidents" here, but planned single parenthood. I believe that a child deserves to have an active mother and father.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-20-2004 - 12:11pm
We've always lived in a very patriarchial world, where men controlled just about everything, including the sexuality of women, to some degree. So, if a woman dared to publicly display her sexual activity by giving birth to a child out of wedlock, then she was punished socially and often the church was used to defend that judgement. Even though the very same participation by the man who impregnated her was just winked at.

Thankfully, things have changed somewhat, with the invention of the Pill and women are free to make choices about their own sexual lives. But I agree with Aisha that the best environment for a child is with a complete family.




Edited 10/20/2004 12:15 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 11:53am
This country, as many other countries, were built on the "family unit" A marriage between a man and a woman. Children were then,and now, supposed to come from that union.If you think differently from that, then you are in the minority. Im not as adamant about the marriage as I am a child coming from and being brought up in a loving relationship, married or not. The epidemic of single parents and divorced single parents, all symptoms of a lack of moral charater in this country. Some kids are better off with a single parent than to be exposed to the fighting and bitterness of a relationship gone bad. But at least it would be great if the kid started out with two parents in a stable relationship. Its about having role models,traditions, and ethics that can be passed on to other generations.

Just look at our inner cities if you want to see what happens without a strong family unit. Being poor is no excuse.

It comes down to moral ethics..(I didnt say religious) Most religions supply an intelligent, common sense method of conducting our lives and activities.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 6:55pm
Can you clarify? Is it that all children should grow up with an active mother and father, or two active parents? In other words, would gay parents do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 8:28pm
>>Can you clarify? Is it that all children should grow up with an active mother and father, or two active parents? In other words, would gay parents do?<<

This is not an easy question. My original comments were based on a "perfect world" - however, we don't live in a perfect world.

I believe that a child has a right to be raised in a comfortable environment where it's parents are loving and supportive of both the child and each other. Preferably male and female. I think that male and female is best case scenario because both sexes contribute different things to a child's development.

However, I also believe that a child is better off being in a loving, supportive same sex relationship than being a child of a dysfunctional male/female relationship. Same goes for single parenthood. Being a single mom is better than having a terrible male role model.




Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 9:58pm
I agree. A mother and father is preferable, IMO, but the more people who love and care for a child the better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 10:22pm
aisah said:

>>I believe that a child has a right to be raised in a comfortable environment where it's parents are loving and supportive of both the child and each other.<<

I'll second that. Very well worded post and I agree about the 'in a perfect world' part.

I've know on two occasions women that, when they hit thirty, heard the biological clock and went out and got themselves pregnant in one night stands so that they could each have a child. I feel that is an incredibly selfish thing to have done.

Ideally a child should have two loving and supportive parents of the opposite sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 10:30pm

<>


I think people were against children being born out of wedlock due to the children growing up without father figures. I personally agree that Dads are needed just as much as Moms. I don't think marriage is a must, but I do think a lot of women under estimate how much it will effect a child growing up without a good father figure. I stress good.... I poor father or mother can be worse than not haven't one at all. I think men are actually becoming apart of there children's everyday life more than years ago.


I know I complain about my d/h

Stuck on earth

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 11:21pm
Thank you.

My daughter's best friend and her brother are currently being raised by two gay women. The other woman also has a child. The children(boy and girl) are loved and well taken care of, and appear to be well adjusted. I agree it's not the ideal, but they're not without love, nor living in poverty...however, only time will tell if it was enough.


Edited 10/25/2004 11:22 pm ET ET by life_is_but_a_dream

Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 11:58pm
I am sure that the two loving women will do a great job in raising the two children.

Pages