>>A woman can be a good mom but be a poor wife, or a poor mom and a good wife, the same goes for a man. <<
Sorry, I strongly disagree. Parenting is not just how we look after our kids - but in the way we role model our own relationships.
(I'm speaking generally here - not about your relationship.)
Children learn how to treat a future spouse by watching us. So, if a husband treats his wife with disrespect - the son will learn that it's OK to treat his wife that way, and a daughter will learn that it's OK to be treated that way. And of course, vice verca where a woman treats her husband badly.
What situations do I mean? A spouse that yells at the other infront of the kids. A spouse that gives the "silent treatment" infront of the kids. A spouse that ignores the input of the other. A spouse that cannot hold down a job. A spouse that has no idea how to handle money. A spouse that batters the other's self esteem. etc etc etc These are not appropriate behaviours for parents to teach their children.
We must teach our children by role modelling: problem solving strategies, listening to the input of our spouse, being responsible adults, supporting their spouses self esteem and so on.
Kids are very impressionable and they know what is going on. No matter how much adults try to hide their marital problems, the kids are perceptive enough to learn and copy our behaviour.
A poor husband is a poor father - and a poor wife is a poor mother.
We must teach our children by role modelling: problem solving strategies, listening to the input of our spouse, being responsible adults, supporting their spouses self esteem and so on.
>>Can you clarify? Is it that all children should grow up with an active mother and father, or two active parents? In other words, would gay parents do?<<
I know this isn't to me but nevertheless This isn't what I was referring to,
And two people could be the most family oriented, greatest parents, and be the town tyrants. I know of such a couple. They are heavily involved in the community, their church, and their children's school. The children are well taken care of, well loved(met the grandparents at several sporting events), very mannerly. Only one problem. The parents torment everyone around them. The mother has had several face to face confrontations, almost to the point of fist-fighting during several public events. They're both very judgmental of people and outrightly disrespectful. Their children are traumatized(they've cried during these episodes), and it's gone as far as their mother being forbidden to talk to two other children in the school because she's known to terrorize them in particular.
Children are also effected by the way that their parents treat everyone, not just them or each other.
Definitely. I wonder though, how these children will fare? I know that my daughter's friend(this couple's daughter), has lamented to her about how she wishes that her parents weren't the way they are. Hopefully, because they recognize that it's wrong, they'll learn a life's lesson and never want to be like them. So far, that seems to be the case(she's 16). It's amazing that with all that these parents do to provide a stable environment and sense(although distorted) of community(they are very involved in the school and church, and she's a Eucharistic Minister), that it's all for naught.
Yes, I'm sure, at 16, their daughter can see the hypocrisy of their behavior. Even very young children can recognize the difference between words and actions....that what one SAYS should match with what one DOES.
But tell me, why do people allow them to be rude and judgemental? Why doesn't anyone stand up to them?
Oh, people do....she simply feels that she's right no matter what. Her involvement in the school, church, sports programs, are what keeps her exposed. What prompted me to reply to this post, is I received a call this morning from one of my friends who is the mother of the children whom she's banned from. Apparently, this woman tried to bully her daughter, yet AGAIN, and she and her exchanged words, and ended up in the principal's office where they continued to argue with the presence of the the Monsignor(sp?) as well. With no resolution. She gets away with it, because as I said, she's very involved. For example, her husband and her had ran a committe to paint the two large lunchrooms in the school for free. Her husband is an electrician and volunteers his services. They are Good Samaritans, but the Monsignor and Principal know what she's really like. My friend said that as they were arguing, no one said a word, and eventually she just walked out as she usually does. Two years ago my friend wanted to meet with this other couple in front of Monsignor to talk it out, but she refused, so nothing was resolved. It's pretty much just brushed under the table. So she still continues to act without consequences. I told my friend to try and call the diocese to see if she can do something about it other than take her own child(one has graduated luckily) out of the school. Since leaving the school, my daughter only sees this couple's daughter during softball season--and I rarely see the parents otherwise. Since I'm usually with my other friend at the games, she avoids me. Apparently, it's much worse since my children have been out of the school. Hopefully, something will give.
Well, collectively, people have more power and influence. So, why don't all the parents and children who have been targets of her abuse go see the head of the school together, instead of individually, and demand that something be done? Maybe then, he'll feel compelled to act.
They tried that already(without the involvement of the children), to no avail(most of the parents were leaving the following year and apparently Monsignor and the Principal just waited it out, but my friend and a few others are still there(with younger children). I remember the year before I left the school, she ran for Home-School President. The turn-out at the meeting was the biggest I'd ever seen. Everyone wanted to make sure that she didn't get voted in! ;-) My friend is most likely going to go over Monsignor, and she'll gather those who she does know about to help her.
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Sorry, I strongly disagree. Parenting is not just how we look after our kids - but in the way we role model our own relationships.
(I'm speaking generally here - not about your relationship.)
Children learn how to treat a future spouse by watching us. So, if a husband treats his wife with disrespect - the son will learn that it's OK to treat his wife that way, and a daughter will learn that it's OK to be treated that way. And of course, vice verca where a woman treats her husband badly.
What situations do I mean? A spouse that yells at the other infront of the kids. A spouse that gives the "silent treatment" infront of the kids. A spouse that ignores the input of the other. A spouse that cannot hold down a job. A spouse that has no idea how to handle money. A spouse that batters the other's self esteem. etc etc etc These are not appropriate behaviours for parents to teach their children.
We must teach our children by role modelling: problem solving strategies, listening to the input of our spouse, being responsible adults, supporting their spouses self esteem and so on.
Kids are very impressionable and they know what is going on. No matter how much adults try to hide their marital problems, the kids are perceptive enough to learn and copy our behaviour.
A poor husband is a poor father - and a poor wife is a poor mother.
JMO
We must teach our children by role modelling: problem solving strategies, listening to the input of our spouse, being responsible adults, supporting their spouses self esteem and so on.
I agree with you on this... Showing your spouse
Stuck on earth
>>Can you clarify? Is it that all children should grow up with an active mother and father, or two active parents? In other words, would gay parents do?<<
I know this isn't to me but nevertheless This isn't what I was referring to,
Stuck on earth
Children are also effected by the way that their parents treat everyone, not just them or each other.
But tell me, why do people allow them to be rude and judgemental? Why doesn't anyone stand up to them?
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