premature ejaculation-help

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
premature ejaculation-help
8
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 3:23pm

I was married to a man who ejaculated within a min. of entering me. Sex was horrible and he was resistant to talk on improving things. Since I had 2 boyfriends who were great lovers. I enjoyed a healthy sexual life since 97.

Last month I met a man and we waited a month to become intimate. He is wonderful in all regards, is a great lover but cums very quickly, often within 1-8 minutes. He said he has always been like this and is frustrated. I regret I brought it up once. Now it's out there. I also noticed he drinks red wine or beer every day. A typical day off features 5 beers during the day if we are at the beach (we live somewhere warm) and 2-6 glasses of red wine at night. He is always in control but..I wonder...

He works 5 nights a week as a chef so has a great job but after they all sit and talk and drink wine til 1 AM.

How much good alcohol play into this..what should I do..we have been intimate 1 week only..he is a wonderful man..in all regards..I am concerned though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 4:24pm

Alcohol doesn't usually play into it unless he's been drinking just before sex. And usually, if it affects him at all, it's with the erection, not PE.

If he's always been like this, according to him.....he CAN teach himself to last longer with the stop/start method. It's learning to "control" it rather than just "letting it happen". It takes time and practice, but lots of men have learned to last longer that way. It could also have been nervousness, which isn't unusual in a new relationship. Was he ever in a long lasting relationship before?

Also, if he'd give you more foreplay so that you're satisfied before the intercourse starts, it would help YOU. It wouldn't bother you so much if you're satisfied during oral and manual foreplay.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 6:01pm

You have to remember that men train themselves to orgasm quickly, from the moment they begin touching themselves, they're trying to get there as fast as possible. So, it's a learning process to learn to control that with a partner. Some men learn to do it easily and some don't. But all men can improve from retraining using the stop and start method of masturbation which is recommended by urologists and sex therapists.

It will require patience and persistance on both your parts but using this method can help. He would masturbate almost to the point of ejaculation, stop, gain some control and then restart stimulation slowly.

Doing this as many times as he can, over a period of time, until he begins to understand what triggers orgasm for him. Usually, there is a pattern. When he figures out his pattern, he can recognize the signs of imminent release, and stop what he's doing to control when he releases.

Suggest this to him. You said he's frustrated by this as much as you are.

And while I don't think that drinking THAT much on a daily basis is good for anyone, it would seem that the alcohol would actually have the opposite effect of depressing his ability to orgasm.

Talk with him and work on this together. He'll be happier and of course, you will!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2006
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 7:56pm

Wannaheal

Everyone is looking for a great sex life and wants the male to be able to go the mile, or in your case more than 1-10 minutes without ejeculation.
It sounds like you may be basing this self quoted "wonderful man" on his length of time
Is that fair, honestly. Does the purpose of mr Wonderful, the way he possably treats you come into concideration, does he treat you like you want to be treated do you have fun together and are you attracted to him.
Mens sexual needs very slightly the minds of men when anticipating intercourse not only cause the usual erection but also the uncontrolable excitement of having sex, thus causing early ejeculation
Anticipation unfortunetly will cause a male to ejaculate very quickly.
Some Women on the otherhand never really experience an orgasm, does this make them differant ?
Alchohol does play a part in what you are trying to identify and can work either by making the male last longer or sometimes cause the dreaded "quick release"
He will be frustrated I when changing lovers also experienced this and sometimes still do with my partner of 3 years.
I would try to assist him with this problem, If he truly could be your Mr Wonderful.
There are books that you can assist which involves both, as well as supplements and penis rings.

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2005
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 8:01pm
I seem to remember reading that men can do a form of Kegels as well and it help him to also learn to control himself. May be off on this but may be worth checking out. Oh, and you can help with the start/stop method too by forming a ring with your fingers and gently squeezing once you get to know his body better and can anticipate his orgasm, during sex or oral.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 8:55pm

I don't have any advice for this, just another viewpoint. I'm actually jealous of people who can have quickies, because you can do it frequently and casually... and although I can see why it would be frustrating to have it end so fast, it would also make me feel really hot to have someone so turned on by me that they would just lose control.

Long sessions have their issues too... my husband takes a really long time to finish, and although that gives me more than enough time to have several orgasms, it also gets sore and really tiring and makes me feel inadequate, like I don't turn him on enough. It would be awesome if we could all be in perfect sync with each other, but that's life. If anyone has tips on how to make things go Faster, please let me know :)

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 10:33pm
When my DH is taking a little too long and I'm getting sore, I just reach down and caress his scrotum or rub his perineum, that little space behind the scrotum, and within a few seconds, he will orgasm. We call it his "ejector button." LOL! The more stimulation you can add to his hot spots, like his nipples, perineum, or whatever, the better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 7:18am

Thanks SO much..I have decided NOT to discuss this anymore for awhile. We have been together 1 week and I am all too anxious. Just want this one to be wonderful. Have not had the best of luck in the male dept. and all else is FABULOUS. I appreciate everything said here.

For those whose partners take a long time..my ex was like that so what worked was I starting talking really dirty/sexy..always sent him over the edge..haa

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 3:15pm
Great advice Kat. Or, if he's premature gently pull his boys down. All guys have to pull them up to finish. If they're not up, he can't finish.