Problems staying hard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2014
Problems staying hard.
2
Sun, 01-12-2014 - 6:32am

So I recently lost my virginity, and i know the first time isn't supposed to be great, but it started off fine and for a while it was good. Then my girlfriend switched positions so that she was on top. Eventually i slipped out and we found out i wasn't that hard. It ruined the mood completely and now she's scared that I'm not attracted to her when i really am.

I'm young so it shouldn't be hard for me to stay excited. Also i was using a condom, (and with a condom I could barely feel anything at all, i didn't even know i slipped out at first) and i dont know if masturbation has any effects but i had masterbated 3 days before.

Please help, could it be i was too nervous to enjoy it? or something else?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Tue, 01-14-2014 - 11:44pm

This was your first time!  Unfortunately, your girlfriend is probably young, and she's so misinformed about male sexuality, like most young women, the first thing they think of is that it's because they're not attractive, and you're not attracted to them.  Losing an erection isn't unusual, even in more mature men.  But as a virgin, you were nervous about your performance I'm sure, and nervousness can cause it to happen.  Masturbation three days ago has nothing to do with it, but if you're used to masturbation, then it IS a different sensation.  Many men have problems with condoms.  Is she really your girlfriend, or just a casual partner.  If she's your g/f and you intend to have sex regularly, then she should look into birth control for herself, so you wouldn't NEED a condom.  If it's a random girl, then you need a condom to protect yourself unfortunately.  You can get diseases from sexually active girls and never know it, but you'll spread them to other girls.  Last but not least, give yourself a break, this happens to all men occasionally, and if you worry about it, it will happen again.  It's called a self fulfilling prophecy......expect it to happen and it will.  And if it does, there are plenty of other ways to satisfy her, so concentrate on that instead of intercourse.  It will all work out for you, just be patient.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2014
Mon, 03-10-2014 - 9:13am

Firstly you should need feel down about this problem, this is a very common problem in young men, your body is still always changing, your mood alters irrationally and one moment you could be as sexually stimulated and next nothing and it is hard to understand but the more you worry about these situations the more this will play on your mind.

If this girl in which you lost your virginity to is your girlfriend, you need to discuss this with her and make her understand that it is not that you find her unattractive, praise her and make her feel more at ease about the situation, this will also help you. Maybe try foreplay before sex and find out exactly what eachother likes? This can help keep both of you stimulated. Sadly yes condoms have the downfall of men not quite being able to feel everything, there are other alternatives such a feather-thin condoms or condoms with tingle sensation for both you and your partner, I personally would not tell your partner about the birthcontrol pill or other forms of contreception, that is her say and whether she personally wants to do that or not, if you are young, stick to condoms and experiment with other things than the potential to make a baby :/... the younger generation today feel the need to grow up too soon, enjoy your younger years and stick to condoms until in a loving relationship where you both trust and love one another...

If the condition progresses and you find this is truly affecting you mentally and physically, there is nothing wrong with consulting your doctor/GP or even going to an open Sexual Health clinic in your local area who can give advice and guidence professionally.

At the end of the day you need to understand that this is quite normal, the more pressure you put on yourself the worse the sitation will become, relax, talk it over with your gf, and discuss the next steps ... hope this helps :) x