question about anal sex...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
question about anal sex...
7
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 10:27pm
the other night when we me and my bf were making love, i was on top (something i dont do often) and while i was doing my thing he put his fingers in the anal area.

i was really weirded out at first, actually really freaked out and grossed out all in one..i thought that was something only for gay men? i have noticed to that more and more he has tried to have anal sex but of course i have refused because like i said, it freaks me out.

i dont know what caused him to do this and why he did it..it didnt feel at all pleasureable so i am questioning the point of anal sex also.

never tried it, but if he does it again i wouldnt mind giving it a try for him and for myself to see what its like, but how do it get over the intial shock of "is this right?"

do alot of guys do this while the women is on top?


thnx!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 10:44pm
I had a straight boyfriend once who loved to have me stick my finger up his butt. I didn't get much out of that. I've had other boyfriends who liked to stick their fingers up my butt or try to have anal sex with me. I didn't get much out of that either. I don't mind the fingers so much, but I think that anal sex really hurts, so I don't like to do that. I would suggest talking to him about it and telling him that you don't get much out of it or you don't enjoy it. In my experience, guys don't want to do things to you that you don't enjoy. I wish you all the best!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 11:53pm
I don't think that it's common for men to do this. You have to remember though that it feels good to a man to have that area played with. It all goes back to the prostate gland that sits at the base of the bladder in men. Pressure against it feels good. As it happens the most direct route to the prostate gland is via the anus so pressure against the anus feels good and a finger in the anus can feel good too. During medical exams for prostate cancer where a gloved finger is inserted into the anus it's quite common for men to get an erection - embarrassing for them! Of course, women don't have a prostate gland so anal stimulation doensn't do nearly as much for them. Having said that, anal sex can be very enjoyable for a woman.

There's another post here about anal sex; you should have a look at it. But briefly if you think that you will try it you need to consider a few things:

Relax and take charge. Get comfortable and if you decide to have him try to enter you from behind in a doggie style position talk about it before you try and make sure that he will follow any directions that you give him to the letter. You should be the one pushing back onto his penis as he stays still. That way you can control the penetration. You don't want him pushing in even a tiny bit if you have asked him to stop.

Get some lubricant too - buy a little bottle of it and use plenty. Get him to wear a condom. Finally, relax some more and take it very, very slowly and carefully. It'll feel very strange at first and your body will need time to relax and to get used to having him 'in there'.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 11:59pm
so i shouldnt be freaked out, disgusted or worried at all?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 12:15am
Anal sex, or anal play has NOTHING to do with being Gay, so take that right out of your mind. There are men and women who love it, and there are men and women who hate it. If it's not done right, it can be VERY painful, and it can be very messy (you know what's in there!). It's not for everyone. He probably thought it would feel good to you when he did it, and if you ever did it to him, he'd probably like it, as Westridge mentioned, it's got to do with the prostate.

You don't have to be weirded out or disgusted, but if the idea doesn't appeal to you, then just tell him not to do it. And if it doesn't sound appealing to you, don't try anal sex just to please him. If you're not really "into" it, you'll be too uptight, and it will be painful.

Just because he might want to do it, that doesn't mean you have to. You shouldn't do anything you don't enjoy doing, just to please him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 12:21am
>>so i shouldnt be freaked out, disgusted or worried at all?<<

No, I don't think so. If you don't like what he's doing with his fingers, just ask him to stop. It's not a big deal. He probably just thought that you'd like it. As jo said, it's got nothing to do with being gay either. If it was, you'd have to be worried about oral sex because that's something that lesbians do!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 10:52am
not to be redundant...but like everyone else is saying...there's nothig to be worried about at ALL! my bf likes to incorporate anal play a lot when we're making out...especially during oral sex, he usually let's a 'finger wander'. at first it was a little distracting, but now i'm really growing to like it...a lot!

i've never tried anal sex, but since some women LOVE it, i figure why not try- cuz it might blow me away...but i'm not ready yet, so right now we'll stick with the fingers from time to time until i'm ready!

but NO- nothing to worry about...if you are willing to keep exploring, just go with it relax and enjoy, you may find that you reallllllly like it!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 11:03am

Nothing to worry about at all. Lots of straight men and women love anal sex, and some people don't much enjoy it. Its just another variation, and if done correctly, poses no health risks. There are a number of posts here about anal, and many of them contain lots of great advice. Ultimately, the advice boils down to:


1) Use LOTS of lube. You really can't use too much.


2) Start with something small - like a finger. Don't go bigger until the

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