Question about BJ's

Avatar for smoothone2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Question about BJ's
18
Sun, 06-26-2005 - 7:39pm
I am new to this board but have been lurking for awhile now. My Finace' tells me that I am not good at giving BJ's I was just wondering if you had any good techniques on how i can make it better for him. He tells me that when i am strokeing him that i need to go faster. OK so any tips will help and i can't believe I have just asked my question. I thought hey better here then asking my Best Friend or something. Thanks in advance for any tips :-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 06-26-2005 - 9:26pm

Well a friend or anyone else would not know what your b/f enjoys.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 1:20am

How rude of him to complain like that.....that's sure not a very good way to make your g/f feel good about herself! Wonder how he'd feel if you told him he was lousy at giving YOU oral?

He could have just as easily said......"honey, could you go faster?"

Anyway, as Tish said, you'll have to ask him for further instructions. Just tell him that if he's NOT happy, he can tell you what will MAKE him happy. He said faster, so go faster......and let him tell you what else he wants from you.

Every guy is different, and even if he finally tells you that you're the best.....if and when you're with another partner, you'll have to find out what HE likes, too. Some guys like it SLOW.......some like you to squeeze them tight, other's like it looser. MOST guys are happy to get it at all, and will nicely tell you what they like.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 2:04am
Complaining about how one performs orally is probably the best way to discourage most women from giving BJ's! There is certainly a better, more diplomatic, way to teach someone to please you and the only one who can tell you how your fiance' likes it, is him.
Avatar for smoothone2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 10:07pm
Thank you all so much for your responses. When he complained about it I totally lost the mood to even do it. So everytime it comes up that he would like a blow job I kind of cringe to it. Oh well I will check out the website you suggested. thanks for all your help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2001
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 10:58pm
I'm curious how he could have handled it better. My wife was very bad at performing oral sex and, since I didn't want to hurt her feelings, I didn't say anything and just stopped asking for them, which pretty much meant an end to BJs. I'm sure there are women who have the same problem with a husband who is inept at cunnilingus. Is that the only choice in these situations, risk hurting them or doing without?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 11:04pm
Every guy is different just like every woman is different. He needs to tell you what he likes....and he should do it in a nice way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 11:29pm

>>Is that the only choice in these situations, risk hurting them or doing without?<<

Hopefully your partner isn't super-sensitive. Most people can handle being told "You're great but there IS something that I _really_ like..."

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 1:27am

You've heard of diplomacy, haven't you? Without THAT, my DH and I would have been divorced LONG ago! LOL!

There IS a way to get what you want without hurting anyone's feelings. And that is by making it a suggestion, not a complaint. As in...."licking my clitoris feels much better for me, rather than sticking your tongue in my vagina, can we try more of that?" I can't imagine that a loving partner would be offended by being guided. After all, no one knows it all and no one wants to waste time and energy when trying to give pleasure.

But the way to go about that sure isn't by saying "you're lousy at this....IMPROVE!"




Edited 6/28/2005 1:48 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 8:25am

I can't even believe you asked that question! You've been posting around here for a while now, and always have kind & sensible replies. Did you read my reply to the OP?

This guy said to her "you're lousy at this. Why don't you go faster?" How much sense would it have taken for him to say, "OH, that feels so good! Please go a little faster, and it will feel even BETTER!"

Did you read her second post. As a result of what he said to her, NOW she cringes at the thought of it, and won't do it. His stupidity cost him a lot!

BJ's are simple and easy, but any woman who has had any experience, knows that every guy likes it a little different. If he's saying nothing, then SHE should ask if it's ok, or would he like something a little different? This is a young girl, with little or no experience, and she hasn't learned that yet. However, this guy's insensitive criticism has not only ruined it for himself, he's probably ruined HER for a long time, maybe forever. He made her feel stupid. My ex said insensitive things like that to me, and it took MANY years for me to get over some of the things he said.

This is no different than any other kind of "criticism". If your wife serves you a bowl of spaghetti, and you think the sauce is awful........would you SAY that? Of course not, because you'd probably get the bowl over your head, or at the least, never get spaghetti again. How much easier, and how much more sensible would it be to say "this sauce is really good, but I bet just a little more basil would make it even better".

It's called diplomacy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 9:36am

Telling your partner what you want and what feels good to you is a lot different than telling your partner you're lousy at giving.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

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