Question about dating and sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Question about dating and sex
6
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 11:46am
Hello everyone! Im just curious because Im new to the dating world all over again. When you are dating, is it right to date a bunch of guys at one time? Dating doesnt mean you are obligated to have sex with them right? I am 28 and I just got out of an 8 year relationship and Im confused. Please respond all! Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 12:20pm

It is fine to date as many people as you want to date as long as one partner is not confused and thinks there is an unspoken agreement that it's exclusive.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 2:34pm

You can date a different man every night of the week, if that's what you want to do. There's no right or wrong......it's what you're comfortable doing.

Dating doesn't mean having sex. You can have sex if you want to, or not if you don't want to. YOU are the one making the rules, and they can be whatever you want them to be.

With all the STD's out there, you don't want to be sleeping with every guy you go out with....because even condoms don't protect you from everything. Get to know someone well before you get involved sexually, and make sure you're both on the same page with exclusivity, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 4:11pm

It seems that the answer to your question depends on where you live

Where I come from, you only date one man at a time. Once you've gotten over the hurdle of the first date or two and decide to go back for more, then it's generally accepted that he is the only one you are seeing.

If you do wish to date others, it would need a specific conversation to make him aware of your intentions. And while me may jump at the chance to date other women (a player) he may well choose to leave you because of it.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 4:32pm
You by all means should date as many men as you want. I was a member of Match.com, which is where I met my DBF. I frequently had dates with more than one guy in a week, and was frequently "talking" to more than one man. There was no implication of exclusivity, but I did have to accept the fact that they could also be dating other women. As far as sex goes, go with whatever you are comfortable with and feel safe with. There was a point in my life where I was dating 2 men and had sexual relationships with both (with protection)--both were aware that they were not the only men in my life. I had been dating one of them for a little over a year when I met the other one, and I saw the both for about 10 months until I ended both because I found 1 man I wanted to be with. He didn't work out, so I started dating again. I used to have self confidence problems, but with working out and eating healthy, I developed a more positive attitude. I felt I deserved whatever I wanted, so I made a goal to have 4 dates in 1 week--the original goal was 7, but since I worked until 10 pm 4 nights a week, it wasn't an option. The week that I had my first date with my now DBF, I ended up having 5 dates from 1 Saturday to the next (8 days). It was a lot of fun and it made me realize how much I connected with my DBF. We became Dating a lot of people keeps you occupied so you don't have time to obsess about finding the 1 and gets you a lot closer to meeting him!-


 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 5:03pm

Read the 'about being exclusive' thread that aisha started. It should be just a bit lower on the list.

Personally I would be a bit wary of any woman that was dating several guys at the same time, or even going on a first date with me and admitting that she was dating someone-else. I'm not entirely sure why I'd feel uncomfortable, but I would. I'm very much a date-one-person-at-a-time kinda guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 8:10pm
Yea- I told the guy that wants to date me last night that Im not looking to get exclusive with anyone right now because I just broke up with a long term relationship. He knows that and I also told him that I would be dating other guys if the opportunity presented itself. I also told him that I will not be having sex with him. He was comfortable with it all- He told me hed just like to take me out on dates because he likes my company. I somehow feel uncomfortable with him always trying to spend money on me though. But I guess thats one of the perks of dating right? Thanks alot to everyone whos replied to my question, you all helped out alot!