Question about proactvitiy
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Question about proactvitiy
| Tue, 04-27-2004 - 11:09am |
Hi, everyone!
I'm a new poster on this board, but have been 'lurking' for some time. I enjoy the conversations here and prefer it over a male-dominated board because, well, I already know what men think. ;-) And altough there is a significant male presence here, topics are generally kept in a helpful and informative tone.
I am posting just now because I have a question. Forgive me if this goes on a bit.
How many of you women, if you never got any requests from your SO, would never (or at least rarely) try something new in the bedroom? I ask because it seems to me that if I left all "proactive innovation" up to my wife, then nothing new or different would ever happen. She and I had a discussion a few months ago concerning my desires to try different things. Her response was, "Concerning things to make you happy, I'm up for just about anything." Since then, I have really only tried some differnt things a few times (gotta give her some space between efforts), but she has been receptive each time. Now, when we had this conversation, I made it pretty clear to her that if there were things she desired, that she should let me know. She has, since then, conveyed nothing to me about any unfulfilled desires.
I'm trying to put this as concise as I can. Even though she is willing to do different things to please me, it is usually only on request; and if it were up to her and her alone, I think our sessions would be always in the bedroom, with little to no foreplay, and 1 of 2 positions.
So, I guess I'm looking for some insight before I talk to her again. Are there any women out there who personally care little about vareity in the bedroon, but at the same time have no problem conceeding to their partner's requests? If so, why is this?
Thanks!
Robert
I'm a new poster on this board, but have been 'lurking' for some time. I enjoy the conversations here and prefer it over a male-dominated board because, well, I already know what men think. ;-) And altough there is a significant male presence here, topics are generally kept in a helpful and informative tone.
I am posting just now because I have a question. Forgive me if this goes on a bit.
How many of you women, if you never got any requests from your SO, would never (or at least rarely) try something new in the bedroom? I ask because it seems to me that if I left all "proactive innovation" up to my wife, then nothing new or different would ever happen. She and I had a discussion a few months ago concerning my desires to try different things. Her response was, "Concerning things to make you happy, I'm up for just about anything." Since then, I have really only tried some differnt things a few times (gotta give her some space between efforts), but she has been receptive each time. Now, when we had this conversation, I made it pretty clear to her that if there were things she desired, that she should let me know. She has, since then, conveyed nothing to me about any unfulfilled desires.
I'm trying to put this as concise as I can. Even though she is willing to do different things to please me, it is usually only on request; and if it were up to her and her alone, I think our sessions would be always in the bedroom, with little to no foreplay, and 1 of 2 positions.
So, I guess I'm looking for some insight before I talk to her again. Are there any women out there who personally care little about vareity in the bedroon, but at the same time have no problem conceeding to their partner's requests? If so, why is this?
Thanks!
Robert

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I would be totally bored doing the same thing every time. My DH and I both enjoy variety and feel it's a mutual responsibility to keep things interesting in the bedroom. In fact, I'm usually the one who initiates new things, not my DH. Of course, I have the higher sex drive and interest in our marriage, too.
It SOUNDS like, from the description of your wife's behavior, that she isn't getting much from the activity you DO have. Maybe she is but isn't very expressive or she doesn't have much of a drive. Sounds like she's just "doing her duty" as a wife. I feel that because you said that there is usually little or no foreplay and that's VERY important for sexual pleasure and satisfaction to women.
BUT if she was having regular and satisfying orgasms, she would WANT sex and probably would be thinking about all those new possibilities and ideas much more. Just a thought.
Edited 4/27/2004 12:16 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
You might try visiting www.the-clitoris.com for more information and by all means, TALK with your wife. We can offer opinions and ideas, but the real information will come from the "horses' mouth!"
Maybe its just getting too intense for her, or maybe she wants to be filled while she orgasms. Both of these are true for me. If he concentrates on my Clit too much with oral it gets too intense (intense really isn't the word but less enjoyable, my dh describes this as a tickle if that helps). Also an orgasm is much more enjoyable for me if he is in me.
RSRosey
Thanks for your response, but I want to clarify something that perhaps I mis-stated, judging from what you said. When I said she claims it is too intense, I am speaking about when I am inside her, not when I am pleasuring her orally. She has never told me it was too intense orally. Thanks!
Robert
Thanks for your response, but I want to clarify something that perhaps I mis-stated, judging from what you said. When I said she claims it is too intense, I am speaking about when I am inside her, not when I am pleasuring her orally. She has never told me it was too intense orally. Thanks!
Robert~~
Oh I see, could still be the same kind of deal though...too much clitoral stimulation? I don't know.
RSRosey
It may be that she isn't ever allowed to orgasm, and she dries out when her arousal level falls during intercourse and she begins experiencing pain from the thrusting, hence the "intensity" she referred to.
Please understand, I'm not placing blame on you for her seeming lack of interest, since she IS a grown woman and you aren't a mind reader! She needs to be more open about her needs and desires but you also need to make her feel comfortable enough to DO that. And you really need to express concern about her pleasure.
And even though I am very open-minded and well aware of my own short-comings I still fear a negative response to the question, "Are you satisfied with our sex life?" But, it is a roadblock that must be overcome. Thanks for everyone's input!
Something else you said.....that you assumed she likes intercourse because that's what YOU like. That's something that many men take for granted. Young boys dream of getting into that vagina.....it's their main goal in life. But, the vagina isn't really the main sexual organ for a woman. It's the clitoris! The vagina has little or no feeling inside, except for the "g" spot. MOST women like intercourse, but it's more of an emotional thing, and the majority of women don't have orgasms from intercourse alone, they need clitoral stimulation at the same time, because the clitoris is where the feelings and sensations originate. The clitoris is basically the same as the man's penis, and possibly even MORE sensitive.
One last thing, you said perhaps you should continue oral until you cause her to have an orgasm. Unfortunately, that's something you can't do, cause her to have an orgasm. She has to learn how to have them, and learn how to allow them to happen. You can HELP her have them, and certainly for most of us, oral stimulation is what gets us there, but if she doesn't know how, you'll never MAKE it happen.
Katmandoo suggested www.the-clitoris.com and I think it would help if BOTH of you checked it out. It might give HER some ideas, too. In the meantime, don't complain about having to initiate new things, because you say she's perfectly willing to go along with whatever you suggest. There are plenty of women out there who wouldn't go along with anything new, much to their loss, but nevertheless, they won't try new things.
You said you don't mind "teaching", and she seems like a very willing pupil. Eventually, maybe she will learn to initiate, but in the meantime, enjoy her cooperation!
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