question on a older lady

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
question on a older lady
8
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 9:48pm

Hello,

I am new to the forum. Hello. I hope I don't sound off about this but I just want to be open. Im 21 and have had the desire to have a sexual relationship with an older women(nothing more). There is this lady at work that is older and looks very attractive. She just got a divorce a while back. I've been talking to her a lot and trying to get to know her. How can I ask her if she would like to be in such a relationship with me? I mean I don't want to go over board and offend her or anything and I definately don't want to get in trouble or anything. What can I do and not do?

Thanks,
Nathan

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 12:05am

Just because a woman is divorced doesn't mean she's looking for a sex partner. And what do you mean by "older"? How do you know she's not in a relationship? If she was interested in you in that way, she'd let you know. Otherwise, be very careful. You could wind up being accused of sexual harassment.

Relationships with co-workers are bad news anyway. What happens when it ends badly, and you have to work together daily.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 12:15am
Your right. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 8:36am

Welcome to the board Nathan.

Does she spend time with you outside of work? Perhaps during lunch, happy hour, during the weekend? Does she show any signs of interest at all?

There are problems that can arise when becoming involved with a co-worker. Certainly during work hours, you have to be very careful about what you say or do to avoid sexual harassment issues. Your company probably has a printed policy on that, so you may want to review it.

Outside of work, if you have a friendship, then it can progress into something else. You could always ask her if she has an interest in seeing you outside of work, or to meet you for happy hour one day.

When you get involved with a co-worker of any age, it can make for difficult work conditions should the relationship go bad. That being said, you certainly wouldn't be the first person to fall into a relationship with a co-worker. Here's an article that you might find helpful:

The Dangers of Dating a Coworker
http://love.ivillage.com/snd/snddodonts/0,,askmen_bg0pppvp,00.html

I know that you mentioned you don't have an interest in "dating" so you can replace that with "having sex with" to suit your needs. Many people start off without intentions of building a relationship, yet the relationship can still develop. You may want to consider how you feel prior to entering any kind of relationship just for that reason. Also, if you do want a purely sexual relationship with her, you should be very up front about that -- and let her make her own decisions.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 9:17am
Hi Nathan. I would be a bit wary if she is newly divorced. Chances are, she needs some time to decompress and become adjusted to this new life. She would appreciate a friend more than a lover at this point in her life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 1:00pm

I apprisiate all your great advice. I really hope I did not sound off about my "fantisy". And to think Im complaining about older guys being with younger girls. But to me that is a totally different issue since in my view men are to protect women/teens and not to "bang" them.

Actaually at work I had a crush on a very nice girl. She is 18. Then they hired a guy that was 35 years old and he would keep hitting on her. Well, finally I stood up to him and told him to stop it and I did not want to see that ever again. Or else I'll get my cop brother on him.

Cheers,
Nathan

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2006
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 3:40pm

I just wanted to add to your question.

Just be careful about becoming the rebound!
If your fantasy does become more.

Kareese

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 4:09pm

"Actaually at work I had a crush on a very nice girl. She is 18. Then they hired a guy that was 35 years old and he would keep hitting on her. Well, finally I stood up to him and told him to stop it and I did not want to see that ever again. Or else I'll get my cop brother on him."

How did the 18 year old girl feel about the attentions of this older man? While it may feel noble to be chivalrous, it may not be what she wants. Making threats to co-workers is not always the best laid plan either. Obviously, you know the situation far better than I, but if you are going to warn men from women, you should first make sure that the lady wishes you do so.

While I may personally feel that most 18 year old women are still learning who they are, there are also 18 year old girls who have married their childhood sweethearts. Once she is of legal age, it's really her choice to make.

It sounds like you have some very good qualities, and one day the right woman will surely benefit from them. Worrying about what choices others make will likely cause you bitterness. As you have said here, you wonder what the girls see in older guys. There is just no way to answer that. Many could ask what you see in the older woman that you are interested in. You have stated that you have an interest in a sexual relationship with her -- for whatever reason that may be, many younger women will also feel attracted to older men for the same types of reasons.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 5:10pm

Did the girl want you to stand up to the guy?

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