Question for women?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Question for women?
20
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 3:11am
I was just wondering if women find masturbation a turn-on? What I mean is, does a woman enjoy watching a man masturbate, is it a turn on? One more question. I masturbate at least once a day, I'm married but theres no sex and has'nt been for 2 years, so I masturbate. Is this wrong? Is it a type of cheating? Thanks for the replys.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 11:11am

Some women do, some women don't. Women and men are all different. What turns one on might disgust another one, male or female. There is NOTHING that all women like.

There is nothing "wrong" with masturbation. Happily married men with fulfilling sex lives also masturbate occasionally.

My question to you is WHY is there no sex, and what have you done to try to fix the problem? Masturbation is a temporary "fix", but a marriage with no sex isn't much of a marriage. If it can't be fixed, maybe it should be ended.

Stop feeling guilty about masturbating, but try to find out how to fix your marriage, that's a better solution.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2007
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 11:17am
Everyone is different, but for me it is fun for me to watch and I love to be watched while I am doing it. I always have to join in. Makes for a great time.
I feel that mastrubation is not wrong and it is also not cheating. cheating is done with 2 people not just yourself. Do you mastrubate in front of your husband?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 11:53am
Personally, I enjoy masturbation and I also enjoy watching men masturbate. I don't consider masturbation to be a form of cheating, but I do think it is a problem if it interferes with the intimacy in a relationship. In some cases, masturbation could contribute to the cause of the lack of sex in a relationship, in your case you say that you masturbate because there is no sex. Either way, communication with your partner is needed. You should be concerned with trying to get your marriage back on track, and be sure not to use masturbation as a way to avoid that.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 11:56pm
Hello, I personally do not find a man masterbating sexy....Although my hubby has never done it in front of me, but I dont think I would find it attractive. Everyone is different though, I'm sure there are tons of women who do love watching a man do it.
Also masterbating not cheating in any way!!! My hubby and I have a great sex life and I maserbate sometimes...not alot but sometimes I'll get the urge!
Hope this helped.
P.S. Why has there not been any sex in 2 years??
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 2:22am
Thanks for the reply. As for why it's been 2 years, well she just dont like sex. I have ask her to go to counseling. But she's a nurse and she thinks she dont need help. Well, when she was in her 20's she partied alot and told me she had had her share of sex. Now what the hell am I suppose to say or do about that? To top it off she did'nt tell me this until she had my son.
You know kendenrayne, I know alot of women that thought just like you do about masturbation. Then they took the time to try masturbating with their husbands. It can be a very sexy and bonding time for a husband and wife. Not to mention you can learn alot about the other person. Anyway, thanks for the reply. Hope things go well for you.
Sincerely
liloklabear (Tracy)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 2:44am
It's my wife and no she thinks masturbation is disgusting. I've tried everything I know, she just dont like sex. It is what it is. My son is 15 now, so I figure 4 more years and then I can make a move to make myself happy. Thanks for the reply.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2006
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 11:24am

I think it goes back to the real question of communication... you say she does not like sex - what part of "sex" does she not like?

-- Does foreplay turn her off
-- Does oral sex giving or receiving turn her off
-- Was she abused prior to meeting you - from a prior relationship or father? Does she have brother/sister that might know something?
-- Does she seem to be focused on something you are not providing - are you supportive to her in the relationship - helping with house work w/o being asked
-- Do the two of you cuddle
-- Do you make time - not because of a specific day - like her b-day, anniversary or Valentine's Day to say - we're going to go out for a dinner - surprise her
-- Do you or have you thought of taking a mini-vacation to a hotel right in the same or neighboring city that has a whirlpool tub in the room for 2 to enjoy with champagne or wine and candles -- don't forget some nice smelling bath liquid... Surprise her.
-- Does intercourse hurt when she has sex?
-- Is she on the PILL? If so - I know from experience that my SO after 5 months on the pill basically was turned off to sex -- she KNEW that wasn't right... because when I first met her she had an INCREDIBLE sex drive like mine... so, I got fixed (between us we have 4 kids - that is enough) and she is off the pill and happy. Our relationship is tight again and INVIGORATING in MANY WAYS!!!
-- Is she having hot flashes?

The only way you can really determine what the problem is - is through COMMUNICATION. Are BOTH of you open with eachother about medical issues.... some couples, for what ever reason do not even know if the other is allergic to certain medications for instance...

Women enjoy the little surprises - it does not have to be the diamond ring or other jewels as much as KNOWING their man LOVES and RESPECTS them... Don't think - SHE KNOWS I LOVE HER -- TELL HER & SHOW HER!!! Just cuddling w/ my SO last night - I told her how much I am looking forward to our trip to FL - us walking barefoot on the beach - hand in hand -- even though the kids will be running around - it is US.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 4:32pm

You're married to a very selfish woman. It's bad enough she cut you off because she doesn't like it, but what an excuse! She had enough when she was young? That's nice, but what about you? She obviously doesn't CARE about you, or your needs. The fact that she's a nurse, she should KNOW men have their needs.....and she's lucky you stayed with her this long! Why do you have to wait for your son to be an adult? He's old enough now to understand that the marriage isn't working. There's no reason you can't move on right now! You might have a better relationship with your son if you were a happier man!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2006
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 4:58pm

I'm so sorry about your situation and I think that you've made the best of what you've been dealt. As far as your question, no blanket ansere on that but I find that my DH is extremely sexy when he MB's. Handling your own needs when sex isn't availible/possible is considerate in my opinion tho it shouldn't become your primary method of release when you are married . Granted, he was not comfortable doing it at 1st and I don't believe in proding and pressuring someone and didn't ask him to. So, I simply MB'ed in front of him so much that he eventually started doing so himself. This is the normal for us, we mutually MB during my period because anything penetrative hurts me during that time of the month. I guess in some peoples perfect world, this might be considered gross, but it works for us.
I do hope that your DW can come to some kind of understanding with you, realize that she's been unfair and that's she's fortunate to have such a faithfull DH. It's pretty clear that you love her, hopefully she will come around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 10:08am

Personally, I don't feel that men have more needs than women, but I do feel that she is being selfish. I agree with what another poster wrote about making sure that all of the needs in the relationship are being met. Of course, she has to want to work on things too for things to improve.

I also feel that showing a child marriage in this light is not going to help him (or her) grow into a well-balanced adult. Having healthy role models is the best gift a parent can give their children.



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