Question for women?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Question for women?
20
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 3:11am
I was just wondering if women find masturbation a turn-on? What I mean is, does a woman enjoy watching a man masturbate, is it a turn on? One more question. I masturbate at least once a day, I'm married but theres no sex and has'nt been for 2 years, so I masturbate. Is this wrong? Is it a type of cheating? Thanks for the replys.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 11:26am

I didn't say that men have MORE needs, I said they have needs, as do most women. His wife's excuse is pathetic.....she did a lot of partying when she was young, and she's no longer interested? So, that's supposed to satisfy him? No, that's selfish, pure and simple.

She'd probably be the first one to cry "foul" if she caught him cheating on her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 3:01pm
bear... I feel for you. I was in a similar situation in my first marriage that lasted 24 years.Once a month if I was lucky. Sometimes two or three months would go by. I totally understand why people stay for the kids...Just because there is no sex going on doesnt mean we set a bad example for the kids. My ex and I never fought, never raised voices, and were seemingly close to each other (to other people). My daughter was a promising fast pitch softball pitcher, so I knew I needed to be there on a daily basis as there is a lot of practice involved (someone has to catch, take her to her instructor, etc)When she got her scholarship I filed and left. We had exhausted counseling, and most other avenue`s. She just had lost all libido, and really didnt care if I was in need or not...To me that meant she really didnt care.
My new wife is a little younger than me, has a healthy libido, and understands the value of sex within a marriage. Some might say I went thru a mid-life crisis, maybe I did. I think I came to the realization that I wasnt happy, I love sex and the closeness that comes in a loving, sexual relationship, and that I would never have that with my (then) wife. It was the toughest thing I EVER did! But I am much happier now, so all the pain of breaking an old habit was worth it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 5:07am
I want to thank all the folks the replied. Ok, this is for you longtime. I am very sexual, always have been and always will be. She knew this when we got married, the 1st 6 months was ok, 2,3 times aweek. then it went to once a month, 1 time every 3months and then 1 or 2 times a year. As of today it's been 2 1/2 years. 6 months ago we set down to try a talk this out again. She proceeded to go down the list of guys she has slept with from the age of 16 until she met me. Ok, I set my ass in that chair and didnt say a word. My mind was spinning at this point. She finshed with the list and told me that she has had all the sex she needs or wants, but she'll do her job as a wife. I laughed at her, did'nt mean too, but could'nt help it. I want a woman that likes 1 or 2 hours of oral and playing around before the main event. I dont want someone that's going to just lay there and tell me to hurry up. Yes, she has said that before.We were split up for 4 or 5 years, in that time I had my fun. I was always told that I'm very good at what I do. That's just because I get off by getting the woman off. It's just that once is'nt good enough, I want her too have the best sexual encounter she has ever had when were done. That's my goal with every woman I've ever been with and will continue to be the same. She dont like sex,it's not my fault and it's time I found someone that's discreet and want's to take a ride with me on my magic carpet. Thanks for all the help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 9:30am

I very much enjoy watching a man masturbate, and yes, it is a huge turn on for me.

"I masturbate at least once a day, I'm married but theres no sex and has'nt been for 2 years, so I masturbate. Is this wrong? Is it a type of cheating?"

Each marriage has it's own rules about what is cheating, right, wrong, etc. Personally, I think masturbation is healthy, but if you are masturbating instead of having sex with your partner, then that is an indication that their is a problem in the relationship. I don't think of the act of masturbation as "cheating", but if you are masturbating in place of having sex with your partner, you may well be "cheating" her out of something that belongs in your relationship. As far as being wrong, I think that all depends on why you are masturbating instead of having sex. I don't think the masturbation is wrong, but I do think it is wrong to not try to have a healthy relationship.

My DH and I went through a period of about 2 years where we rarely had sex. There were a lot of things that contributed to that -- none of which had anything to do with how we felt about each other. My libido was nearly non-existent at that time, but I did masturbate sometimes in the shower, mainly as a stress reliever. My DH felt he could not handle being rejected anymore, and took matters into his own hands as well. Not having partnered sex in our relationship did put our relationship in jeopardy, and we were both cheating each other out of something that we both needed, but neither of us thought that we were cheating "on" each other, KWIM?





iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 9:45am

"She finshed with the list and told me that she has had all the sex she needs or wants, but she'll do her job as a wife."

Obviously this attitude isn't going to benefit your relationship in anyway, nor is it healthy. Have you asked her to see a therapist, as a couple or alone?

You don't run out of sex -- it's not like you use it all up, or even the desire. I think she is struggling with some libido and/or depression issues. There are ways to get your relationship back on a healthy foot, but you both have to want that for it to happen.

There is a book called "The Language of Love" that many people have referred to, and have said it helped them tremendously within their own relationships. Perhaps a copy of that would be a good investment. You can both read it, and then discuss that.

I know it must have been upsetting to sit and have her present her "list". I'm not sure why you would want to stay in the relationship, but I do think if you are going to seek sexual attention outside of the relationship, then you should ask her how she feels about that as well. You mention that you were split up for 4-5 years, what drew you back together in the first place? I just think both of you would benefit from (and deserve) a healthy relationship.





iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2007
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 2:28am
I think it's a big turn to watch my husband masterbate. I usually end up joining in. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with masterbating. Exploring yourself helps you understand your body and what you like. But you do need to get to the root of the problem as to why you and your husband are not having sex. A marriage without sex most likely with end in a divorce. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 9:09am
Welcome to the board alainus.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2007
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 5:32pm
Thank You but my husband and I have sex at least 4x a week. We also have a great marriage, but I do think that even if we didn't have sex we would still have a strong marriage. Marriage does not survive on sex alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 11:40pm
I agree with you about "sex does not make it on sex alone". But I think it should be atleast 50 percent. That's just my thoughts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2007
Sat, 04-07-2007 - 2:58pm
Yes I agree that sex is a good part of a marriage, as a matter it makes a marriage exciting, but if a husband and wife are not friends, honest, care about each other and share interests there can't be a marriage. If the situation arose and my husband and I couldn't have sex we would still be very happily married.

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