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| Fri, 08-10-2007 - 7:33pm |
I'm sure this a dumb question coming from an adult woman, but I would like anyones input that might know the answer to this question or have some advice without any type of ridicule.
I had been seeing a man for about 6 months up until June when we ended things due to him getting ready to be deployed to Iraq, but was going to remain in the states for about 6 weeks and will leave later this month. We did it basically for the reason of him being gone until next Spring. Thinking things were done with us and the need to move on, I met someone else and we went out a couple of times and ended up having incredible sex. He has incredible stamina, nicely endowed being a bit longer and a little bit thicker than what I have ever had before. Early July rolls around and I started getting emails and calls from the guy I had quit seeing-it was like things never ended. He ended up surprising me 1 day in advance of him coming home for a week and wanted to know if I would pick him up at the airport-I said sure-It was like waiting for Christmas as a small child-I was so absolutely excited to see him. When I pulled up and saw him standing there waiting for me it was like we hadn't been apart. I had the worst feeling of remorse for doing what I did, but I didn't let it show. We went for dinner and back to his place for the night since we were both without kids and needed the time just to ourselves. We made love that night and I could tell something was wrong afterwards and I asked him if he was ok and he became rather quiet and distant. The next morning, sex again and he was the same way. A few days later we were together before he went back and had very intense, passionate love making like we have never had before and he was fine afterwards.
To bring the story up to this week, he is having some issues with leaving and he knows I'm struggling with it as well and also that I'm alone now every other week when my girls are with their father-I finally got out of him what was wrong and he told me that I had felt different when we had sex in terms of not being as tight/looser... Another thing that has occurred is I recently quit taking the Provera Shot and with doing so I appear to be even more lubricated than I have been in the past. He also had underwent a vasectomy and had hernia surgery within 6 weeks of each other and the last time we were together before ending things we were a little more cautious in terms of various postions and such not to cause further injury before being cleared by the Dr. to even have sex.
I don't have the heart to tell him I was with somebody else while we had taken a break. I don't feel I cheated because we had ended things prior to me being with this other guy. I have told him that I want to be here for him when he comes back next spring and I will wait for him regardless of how he comes back.
My question is: do women adjust to the size of a man's penis and then essentially shrink back to the normal size of their vagina? Can a man tell when things feel different with a woman if she has been with another man?
Any help you can provide is greatly appreciated.
Thanks!

Welcome to the board rn2bin08.
I don't think being with a larger guy would have made that much difference, for him to tell. I suspect that he was testing you more than anything else. Since the two of you had broken up, he either heard or thought you had been with someone else. It could also be that he thought he was different since he had a vasectomy.
I think if you were with the bigger guy having a weekend long sexcapade and then hooked up with this guy on Monday, he might be able to tell. Otherwise, I don't think so. I've had lovers of many different sizes, and none of them has made such comments.
As Steve said, if you do feel you are a bit looser now (age can do that too), then try exercising your PC muscles. You can get ben-wa balls or smart balls -- which will make the exercises more pleasurable for you.
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The vagina is very elastic and expands when aroused and adjusts to fit what goes in.
There is absolutely NO way a man can tell if you've been with a bigger man. If you were better lubricated, it might give him less friction than he was used to from you.
What he might have "sensed" was your guilty attitude.....and he made a lucky guess.
And what difference does it make anyway? You ended it before he left....which means you were/are a free agent, and he is too.
I agree with Sakura.
It really doesn't matter sense yall weren't together.
I bet he was testing you like Misty said. If you can't
get past it then maybe you should speak up. He really
shouldn't have a bad reaction sense you let each other
go to explore. But that's up to you. Kegels really do
work and all women should do them in my opinion.
Don't see how he could tell if you'd been with another man
ether.
Kareese.
Welcome to the board pandorasbox2001.
I'm not sure how old you or your baby are, but kegels will and DO help to keep your muscle tone. During delivery, lots of things get stressed out in your nether regions. Not only the size of the baby, but all of the pushing, straining and stretching you do during childbirth can not really be prepared for. This can cause damage, and it might take longer to get your muscles toned, but kegels definitely do help. Aging also causes changes that kegels are very helpful with.
I tore muscles from pushing alone (ended up with an emergency c-section) for nearly 2 1/2 hours. I thought I would never get them toned back up, and it certainly didn't happen over night, but it did happen. I know it was very helpful to use the ben-wa or smart balls to help with exercising. Having something to grasp made it much easier for me to do the exercises, and to do them for a longer period of time. I was amazed when everything did turn around because, like you, I thought kegels were never going to do the trick.
If you still want to try and tone your PC muscles, you might want to consider getting a set of the exercise balls. I don't have the Smart Balls from Fun Factory, but I know others on the board prefer them. They are attached and easier to insert and remove.
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Thanks for making this clear Misty (about being able to get back to mostly normal with diligent exercise after childbirth). I have had three children, the last one over nine lbs and born without an episiotimy (sp?) since he came so fast. It took a while but with regular kegels and pelvic exercises I got back to my tight little self. Now the skin (inside and outside the vagina) does stretch and it will never go entirely back to normal but most of the 'tight' feeling comes from muscles that are in the pelvic floor.
I can tell you another thing also. The more you have sex and actually orgasm the tighter you will get too. Orgasm is a great way to exercise those pelvic floor muscles!
"I can tell you another thing also. The more you have sex and actually orgasm the tighter you will get too. Orgasm is a great way to exercise those pelvic floor muscles!"
Amen Sista!
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