Questions about porn usage….
Find a Conversation
Questions about porn usage….
| Tue, 03-27-2007 - 1:06pm |
Why does a man go to the internet for pics and vids to fantasize when he got a woman willing and able to do a lot of things in the vids? Especially when that woman has been asking him to be more aggressive or dominate in the bedroom anyways..
I am not against porn; it can be a healthy part of any sex life. However when the man is saving pics (non porn) of girls to fantasize with I am inclined to wonder what it is about me that not good enough to do those things with.
I need some clarity and advice here.

Pages
You're being a typical female....."What's wrong with me?" There's nothing wrong with you, HE has a problem.
If he's ignoring you completely to watch porn, then he's addicted, no different than addiction to drugs or alcohol. If he's not ignoring you, but he's also not as agressive as you'd like him to be, then maybe he has some hangups about sex, and can't overcome them. You could always try to be more agressive yourself, instead of waiting for him.
There's also the "madonna/whore" complex, where some guys think that their wife is a "saint" and can't or won't participate in any of that "dirty stuff", that's for the porn queens.
You need to start communicating with him, and let him KNOW how you feel, and what you want from him. Maybe he needs some professional help, marriage counselling. If you're ready, willing and able, and he's not interested, then he has a problem, and you can't fix it.....he needs help.
I understand that part of it..I really do..but in the same instance I am tired of vanilla sex all the time and would like some rocky road or anything else...That's where I have the problem...He only wants other flavors with other girls...
Well I take that back...I also have a problem with it being everyday potentially contactable girls...Porn stars and annonomous amatures are fine..
Oh I communicate all the time, and no he is not ignoring me in favor of it...We average sex about 5 times a week depending on time...but it is very plain, no matter what I have said or how many times I have said it...Sometimes he will make a small effort when I complain, but then promtly forgets the next time...
The whole agressive thing is not me...I am agressive everywhere else and to be the sub in sex gets me worked up...He is the dom in his fantasies and such, but he won't be in the bedroom with me..
Besides having "spank me" tattooed on my behind is pretty agressive...
DH and I don't...He doesn't want to see another mans parts and I don't want to watch just girls...I would some of the time, but not all and with me it's a sound thing not a visual..
I think you are missing the point...I have been agressive with him...What I can't live with is the fact that he can't/wont do with me what he wants to do with them...When I say he wants to do with them, he's made it clear that he wants to be the dom with them...his own words.
I just can't grasp why he can't be that way with his wife especially when his wife has made it clear that she wants that..
You have been asking him to be more agressive, but have you asked him what attracts him to the porn he likes? Having a fantasy or a masturbation style is not always parallel to IRL, and sometimes people don't want it to be.
Guys do look at porn for many reasons, and it rarely has anything to do with how they feel about their SO. Sometimes a guy will like to look at things and/or fantasize about them, but doesn't want their "woman" to do those things. While I understand that you don't want to have to be dominate in the bedroom, you may need to have a conversation with him and be very specific about what you are looking for. Let him know that you are willing to do more. That may not change his porn habits, but at least you will be having the type of relationship (or sexual experience) that you are interested in.
Here's a link to an article that might have some more insight for you.
The Truth About Men and Masturbation
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/0,,drpatti_23n7,00.html
Actually I have asked him...I get alot of different answers,in the end its just something he wants...To quote him "They don't tell me no" and neither would I in most cases..
Some of it is the whole 3some thing that he knows he will never get...But some of it is the whole Being dominate, woman being the slave that is attractive to him. Which is great I understand why that would be a turn on to him. But he collects the stuff like it is worth its weight in gold. There is more pictures and videos than he could possibly use. No exageration...Secrets and lies have happened and done some serious damage to our trust. A lot of it he hasn't looked at, and he frequently doesn't know what all he has...The final straw was random non porn girls..As often as we have sex, he can't possibly be taking care of himself as well.
I feel as if I have one foot out the door at this point, he needs to get a handle on this obsession and stop reserving his sexual agression for the girls in his head..There is a whole big part of his sexual life he refuses to share with me ( for no reason I can come up with)and that does nothing but damage my love for him.
I read the link and some of the others here and they all make sense...But his actions aren't necessarily like them. I almost feel if he is having an EA with the girls, because he will lie and go out of his way to get and KEEP these pictures..He himself has admitted he can't stop.
Pages