questions i should've asked years ago
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questions i should've asked years ago
| Tue, 09-27-2005 - 7:44pm |
Hello everyone, this is my first time here so im a little nervous....ok so i have a really stupid question...well stupid because i should've asked it like 7 years ago when we first started doin' it, and i dont know how to come out and ask him... ok so my question is...How do you know if your good in bed? Seriously...i don't know....i mean i think im pretty good, but does that mean he does too? we're married so of course he keeps coming back, hes the faithfull kind so where else is he gonna get it. Hes never told me one way or the other, which is why i come here asking for your words of wisdom. And how can i get him to be more assertive? Any suggestions?
thanks
thanks

Welcome to the board Skatergirl.
First of all, you can't ask him.....that's a loaded question, like "do I look fat in this dress?" Of course, he's going to say yes!
Is there even such a thing as "good in bed"? I don't really think so. If your partner loves you, and he enjoys the sex, then you're good in bed as far as he's concerned. I DO think there's such a thing as "bad in bed".....meaning inhibited, refusal to try anything different or new, not responding and not showing that YOU enjoy it.
As Tish said, even if he thinks you're good, it's possible you could be better. And the only way of accomplishing that is communication. I'm sure you talk about other things in your marriage.....so why not talk about sex? Ask him if there's anything he's been wanting to try, but hasn't asked for. Tell him you've read about this or that, and would love to try it. Suggest something new and different.....different place, different position, whatever. Of course, if he's the silent type, or inhibited himself, then it might be difficult, but you sure can and should try! Tell him you found this web site, and you've gotten some ideas from reading it. Let him read it with you! Open the discussion, and see where it goes. Have fun with it. Good Luck!
Hi skatergirl. Honestly, there is no way to know what your guy thinks unless you ask him. He may think you're perfectly adequate in bed, but not very exciting or you may be the best lover he's ever had. There's no reason why you can't ask your DH what he thinks though, now or 7 yrs. from now. Good communication is the key to good sex and there's no time limit on when it starts. Preferably, it starts from day one of the relationship but for most of us, it starts a little after that.
I have found the best way to suggest anything to my DH is to bring it up in a general conversation. You can avoid the occasional defensiveness, insecurity or unnecessary questions about your satisfaction that way. I will use situations I've read about in books or movies, or those of our friends, etc. You can ask HIM what he might like more or less of in the bedroom and then you can offer your own thoughts.