Quiet, Quiet, Quiet

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
Quiet, Quiet, Quiet
6
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 3:55am

Hey all,

I figured someone here could help because my friends are no help at all!

Here's my problem- my boyfriend and I have an awesome sex life. We're very in tune with each other, blah blah blah. However, I am completely quiet. I don't want to be-I want to let him know how much I'm enjoying everything- not that I lie there like a starfish, but I'd like to verbalize how it feels. But everytime I say something-or even think of saying something, I just feel stupid and shut it down. Now, I can't even think of something to say because I've shut myself down so many times. And my bf is really good about all the suggestions all the magazines say. You know, like asking me how it feels, and explain things to him and all that kind of stuff. But I still just can't!

Anyone have any suggestions how I can stop feeling so self-conscious and stupid, and start opening up verbally? Any hints or suggestions would be AMAZING! Thank you all just for listening!

Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 10:47am

There's no reason to feel stupid telling your b/f things during sex.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2005
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 10:57am
i think you're overthinking ... it's something i do too much of myself in some areas. it shouldn't need to be so planned out, lying there thinking what to say ... i know it can be hard to break out of, but you need to let yourself go, relax, be totally in the moment, concentrate on how it feels. you guys have a good relationship, trust in that, trust him, and be free. guys love, and heck girls, too, to know that they're pleasing their partner. just soft moans and saying his name can go a long way. when he does something you really like, just tell him so ... that feels so good, i love that ... direction like softer, harder, and right there. he wants to know what you want and how you like it. get more comfortable with expressing things like that and getting used to hearing your own voice and being more sexual. i'm to the point that i totally lose it sometimes, i know i'm making noise but i'm not even sure what i've said afterwards! i hope you're successful at this because it truly is amazing and contributes so much to the quality and intimacy of a sexual relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 11:06am

Hey Sarah!

VERY common issue thats not talked about so much anymore...glad you brought it up cause I think its a VERY good discussion.

Some of us couples really want to become more verbal, feeling that its too much a part of the communication part of sex. Others of us are very tuned into each other to need verbal communication. Nothing wrong with either.

My way is to not even try it if I have to work that hard at it. Being verbal is not something I personally enjoy, therefore I don't even try it. I don't like saying it, NOR do I like hearing it. Mrs. Para's hands and body will do all the talking I need to hear.

If you want to speak just so that he truly knows how much you're enjoying him, then you can either just let it out "honestly" without any fear of how cheesy you think it could sound, OR you could trust your body and actions to speak for themselves--trust HIM to feel your words.

Those are the only two realistic options I know of. I'm curious to hear the rest on this. GREAT topic you started! :)

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2005
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 12:01pm

Hi, sweet,

Probably a year or so ago, my gf expressed similar thoughts to yours to me. I told her that it wasn't a big deal to me but, if she wanted to work through (what she thought to be) the problem, I would be glad to be supportive. I suggested that she might just want to try letting some natural sounds come out when we are making love IF she was comfortable with that. No words, just moans, purrs, you get the drift. Within a few weeks natural sounds turned into single words that became phrases that became...It was just a slow, comfortable, natural thing.

Recently I asked her after love making if maybe she hadn't become "Chatty Cathy" in bed. We both got a good laugh from that.

David

Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 1:59pm
Sexiesweet, my wife has learned to verbalize exactly what I enjoy hearing while we are having sex. She herself would rather be quiet until she reaches her big "O", but she knows that I like her to be verbal, so she has learned what to say and when and does it very well and also gets enjoyment from adding to my excitement. Just don't scream out the name of any past boy friend by mistake. LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2005
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 3:33pm
I'm with you Sarah. I'm very quiet and it seems like sometimes my husband would give anything to make me scream or even say something. I too, can never think of things to say, or what "noises" to make without sounding (literally) stupid. Hopefully, someone out there can help us.
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