Random Q's...girl on top, orgasm & more

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Random Q's...girl on top, orgasm & more
4
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 9:52am

Okay, I have a new guy in my life. Kind of went through a period of time when I didn't have sex so I'm getting back to feeling sexual again...yay! I have a new guy so there's new things I want to work on so here are my questions. Please, someone help me out.

1-Last time we had sex, he asked me to get on top and ride him. I'm not shy about that but every time I get on top, my legs start hurting almost right away so I can barely go on for more than a couple of minutes and I have to take breaks. I'm not overweight or out of shape though I admit I don't work out. How to I keep the pain from coming so quicky so I can ride him longer?

2-He seems to prefer to get on his elbows while doing me missionary style, my favorite position by the way. But I love it when a guy gets on his hands so he could look into my eyes when he's making love. I have no qualms about asking him to do that next time but I just wanted to know do some men go on their elbows because it's less tiring or is it for some other reason?

3-He can't control himself around me. The first time we made love, he flung all of my clothes off and started making love to me without taking any of his clothes off first. I'm more into us undressing together and taking turns if you will...my top comes of, his shirt comes off. And lots of kissing. I don't want to suggest he change his technique without hurting his ego. The first time, the sex hurt for me partly because I didn't get enough foreplay beforehand and he said he felt bad about it. I'm also very tight naturally. But when I told him I needed more foreplay and that's most likely why it hurt, he wanted to know why I didn't tell him. I told him when he was undressing me to slow down but he just couldn't be able to control himself. Should I discuss it beforehand with him how I need to be made love to or wait until the act? Are some guys just set in their ways in the way they make love?

4-Last, he was upset when I told him I don't normally orgasm. Well, I do but it's usually not through vaginal intercourse. Is a man's ego hurt if his penis does not factor somewhere into the orgasm? I'm asking because I have very sensitive nipples and the way I orgasm most easily is through nipple stimulation combined with clitoral stimulation or oral sex, if done right. Sometimes, I just have to masturbate though I don't think he enjoys this as much since I'm doing most of the work. I'm not sure if I could do the same with vaginal sex since it never seemed to work though I'm willing to try again with him. I'd love to orgasm with him giving me oral sex but not sure how he'd feel about it. How do most men feel about this?

5-No guy I've ever made love to has seen me unshaved. I shave completely because I feel unattractive if I don't and I'm afraid the man won't want to give me oral sex. I also like the way it feels to be hairless. How do men feel about women who don't shave? At the most, I would just trim to see what it's like as it's terribly tiresome to shave every time you have sex if you have a regular lover. Do men find trimmed pubic hair sexy? I'm really insecure about letting mine grow.

If anyone has any answers to help me with my dilemma, please let me know!




Edited 4/15/2007 9:56 am ET by ivegotsauce
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 10:26am

1.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 12:59pm

I agree with everything Tish said, and I have a few other comments.

1. As Tish said, kneel, don't squat on your heels. No matter HOW good a shape you're in, your thighs will get tired. Also, don't think you have to "imitate" a man's movement (thrusting vigorously). HE may like that, but you're not getting the full benefit of WOT...meaning the clitoral stimulation (which is why women who LIKE being on top like it, and those who don't like it aren't doing it right!) The way for a woman to get pleasure out of being on top is to "grind", not thrust. Very little "in and out" motion, strictly rotating and grinding, with slight pelvic thrusts.

2. He prefers his elbows because probably his arms get tired in the same way that your legs get tired. Simple as that.

3. The first time ANYONE has sex is sometimes frantic, can't get to it fast enough, and sometimes bland and boring, because neither of you knows what the other one wants or likes. Don't judge what will happen in the future because of the "first time". He's right about needing more foreplay, you should have slowed him down and TOLD him. It's your body, and even if it SEEMED to you that he couldn't control himself, you should have just told him to SLOW DOWN, if you had to tell him 10 times. It's YOUR body, and you need to make sure he knows what's happening is NOT to your liking. Yes, some guys are set in the way they do it because no woman ever had the guts to say "WHOA there". They can't know they're doing something wrong if no one tells them! If women pretend to like what they do, and the WORST, fake orgasms....they're the one creating the problem, not the guy. Every woman is different, and every woman needs to tell the man what she wants and needs, and if she doesn't GET what she wants and needs because she doesn't ask, shame on HER, not him. He's not a mindreader.

5. His "ego" has no place in your orgasms, or lack of them. IF he's that egotistical, and I have a feeling you're reading that all wrong. If you aren't, then as Tish said, teach him the facts of life, including how and why women have orgasms....including having him read the web site she recommended, and you reading it as well. The fact that you don't have orgasms from intercourse alone makes you like 80+% of all women. Lots of guys don't know that, again, because of all the "fakers" out there.

6. To shave or not shave....it is up to YOU what you do, not a man. Some men love it, some men hate it, and probably most men are completely ambivalent about it. If they care about you, they'll accept whatever you do....and not worry about it.

All of this boils down to this is YOUR life. You do what YOU want. You ask for what YOU want (as well as asking what he wants). It's not about HIS ego, it's about both of you, and both of you understanding each other. If he does something that you don't like, it's up to YOU to tell him about it, or if he's not doing something you want him to, it's up to you to communicate that. When it's between his ego and your needs.....what do you think is more important? Being miserable so he can feel like "big man"? If you handle it right, there shouldn't be an "ego" problem, and if there IS...do you really want to be with someone who's more concerned about their ego than your pleasure?

There are two people in every relationship, and if they're not BOTH happy, whether it's in the bedroom or out of it, then it's not a good relationship. The answer to all of this is communication, and without that, one of you is going to be miserable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 7:02pm

Welcome to the board. I think in a new sexual relationship, it often takes each person a period of time to become comfortable with the other. A lot of your questions will probably work themselves out as the two of you develop your sexual relationship. For many people, they have to be comfortable before they can speak up, but there is nothing wrong with starting a relationship off on the right foot either.

I think Tish answered your questions well, and I encourage you to visit the link she gave you to the-clitoris.com. It's a great website; perhaps one that both of you should visit.

One thing to add about being on your knees to ride him, you may find it helpful to put a pillow beneath each leg. This raises you up a bit so that if you do want to bounce you don't have to extend your legs as far. When I'm on top, I like to mix the action up: some grinding, some rubbing and some bouncing. Sometimes, I like to ride backwards too (reverse cowgirl). In the other positions, to help you climax, either of you can stimulate your nipples or clitoris, or you could add use of a vibrator during intercourse.

Let us know if you have more questions, or if things are still not working out.



Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting





iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 8:11pm
Thank you for all your advice. I will be more proactive next time when we start getting intimate. I've never been a fan of woman on top so every time a guy asks me do it, I'm kind of lost as to what I'm doing but I'll definitely take those pointers. And to Sakura, I told him to slow down but repeating it ten times would have killed the moment I think and I didn't know it was going to hurt until we actually started doing it. I don't think anyone is to blame for anything but I'm just stating what happened. And I never fake orgasms either so I'm not sure how you jumped to that subject. I think you said it best misty_mae. We need time to get comfortable with each other physically and get to know each other that way. I plan to discuss with him how I want things done before we do the deed the next time so he can begin satisfying me the way I like to be satisfied.