Is This Rape?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Is This Rape?
10
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 3:37pm
A friend of mine is going away with her husband, her husband's best friend, and one of her friends. Her friend is a desparate gal w/ no self-control and really wants to sleep with the other male. She has told my friend and another mutual acquaintance that she plans on getting herself and the other guy drunk so that he'll sleep with her b/c there's no chance that he will if he's not drunk.
Is this considered pre-meditated rape? Or this some girl being a moron to get laid? She has been quoted saying that she purposely plans on getting drunk so that he'll have sex with her..Its the only way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: jenniekg
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 5:29pm

<


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jenniekg
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 5:42pm

IMO, Jennie, it wouldn't be rape in this case. Pitiful, definitely! Guys do this type of thing all the time, don't they? It's not nice, but there still has to be a decision on his part to drink too much or at all. I guess the rule should be when in doubt, particularly around strangers, don't.

This guy would still have to get an erection to be able to perform. And IF he's not the least bit attracted to her OR the alcohol has it's usual depressive effects, then all her best laid plans won't matter much anyway.

But I have to say that this is one desperate girl, if she has to get a guy drunk to sleep with her! Pretty sad, if you ask me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: jenniekg
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 6:12pm
Reverse the sexes of the parties involved and see what you think. If it was a guy planning to get a girl drunk so that he could have sex with her, I think that most people would agree that it's dodgy territory. Kind of a gray area. But then no-one will be forcing this male friend of yours to get drunk or to have drunken sex with her. Unethical and desperate definitely, but rape? Not unless he's forced or is so drunk that he's incoherent and unaware of what's happening to him.


Edited 6/22/2005 6:15 pm ET ET by westridge2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
In reply to: jenniekg
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 9:52pm

To Tish, I sure hope somebody does tell him that she is this low. He deserves a heads-up. I'm sorry if I crossed territory and openned up any wounds for you. If I did, I offer my humblest apologies.

To Kat and West- She's desperate and I don't know why. She never was a good friend of mine. She's always hopped from bed to bed. She's wanted him for over a year, but he never showed interest. I guess she feels this is the only way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: jenniekg
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 10:11pm

Do any of you guys watch the British soap "Coronation Street"?

LOL! Is this life imitating art, or art imitating life?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
In reply to: jenniekg
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 9:21am
Sakes man!, RAOFL!, you are a thinker, aren't ya! ;D

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
In reply to: jenniekg
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 9:31am

GREAT discussion, Jennie!

Honestly, I'm very curious now what the different laws in differing states are regarding the degree of rape in relation to this situation. I think the pinch of the punch would actually be his reaction to the situation once he discovered what happened after he woke up !

Think about it. If he woke up and actually felt even a little violated because of this tactic, THEN would that be rape? I myself am kinda guilty of hinging my answer on what his reaction would be.

In fact, wouldn't that just be the kicks if you, or uh, someone juuuust happen to raise this idea to him in a casual group conversation, for instance of course, and mentioned that they knew a friend of a friend or whatever that had gone through this and, oh um, you know, LOL, just happened to wonder what the group's reaction would have been if it were as the victims.

LOL!, just a funny thought, not that I'm anything. (psst...how's that Tish?, lol)

Ahem...anyway, would he be an actual or a is the question. Why doesn't she just duct-tape his mouth and then claim he never said "no" or something, LOL! I don't know. Honestly though, had anyone but the Mrs. tried that on ME, I better never sober up, thats all I can say.

West is dead on though, reverse the roles...self-explanatory.

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
In reply to: jenniekg
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 3:56pm
This isn't my social circle. I know the parties through my friend Valerie. These are her friends, her issues. I think that Valerie's biggest problem is that though she's married, she's ALWAYS been attracted to the poor fellow in question. Her friend has always wanted to date this guy, but he won't do it because she's too "loose" and "not his type." And, he said he'd only want her for one night. Valerie asked him not to date her and he complied. Rightfully so. She'd be trapped in an awful situation if things didn't work out. I couldn't imagine what it'd be like to be caught between two friends, but I'd choose the guy. He's always been a pal to Val. The other girl, though Valerie has told SEVERAL times that he isn't worth her time and that he doesn't want her, does not listen. I think that if she were a good friend, a true friend, she wouldn't pursue. But, I digress. Not my disorganized mess to deal with. Its her's. I gave her my advice. If she takes it, she takes it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: jenniekg
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 6:39pm

Hey! I resent that! ;D

I'm forced against my will to watch it by my partner! Really! I have to watch it on pain of all sorts of nasty things if I don't!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: jenniekg
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 6:53pm

>>anyway, would he be an actual or a is the question.<<

I think that's the problem in a lot of these drunken date-rape cases. I'm talking about drunkeness, not drink-spiking in this case.

People can do strange things when they're tanked up. I've seen plenty of girls behaving in ways that absolutely mortify them the next day when they're sober. It's common joke that plenty of women (and men for that matter) wake up the next morning in bed with a stranger or friend and regret having had sex with the person.
Where do you draw the line between drunken and out-of-character behaviour yet consensual sex while drunk, and blatantly non-consensual sex while drunk?

It gets really murky when the woman in question is in that stage between drunk and unconcious, and the guy is drunk too. If you're a guy, obviously it might not be a good idea to have sex with a woman that is very drunk, but of course, your judgement is impaired too. Clearly if she is unconcious/asleep is non-consensual.