re: found boyfriend's porn
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| Tue, 05-03-2005 - 1:33pm |
just thought someone might want to know how this issue was resolved, as it seems to be a common problem. (See my message on this board of April 26 for the original problem.) I talked to my boyfriend, told him I had found his mags in the magazine rack and that this hurt my feelings and made me feel like I'm not enough. He apologized and said that I am enough and that he would throw them out and cancel the subscription. He said it was a subscription he has had for many years and never has time to look at any more, anyway. I told he didn't have to do that, I just wanted him to know how I felt, and he said that he would never do anything that might hurt my feelings and would rather throw them away. And he did. (You know I checked!) The ones in the closet that he didn't know I had found were thrown away, too. So, he's a keeper. I did tell him then that I had found the ones in the closet, and he was a little irked that I had searched his apartment, but not too much. So, all is well now, and we make jokes about it. I am happy, and a happy girlfriend makes for a happy and sexually satisfied boyfriend. No magazines needed -- he's way too tired!
So, maybe this will help other people having the same issue. My advise to men whose girlfriends don't like their porn is to keep your girlfriend happy. Otherwise, your hand is going to be your only friend. And, my advise to women is to be honest with your boyfriend about your feelings and work something out that works for both of you. If nothing else, you'll find out who your boyfriend really is and how much your feelings matter to him and can make a better decision about whether this is who you want to spend your time and energy on. It worked out well for me!


Well, I'm glad that things have worked out for you and that the two of you have found a solution that works for both of you.
But I know that this wouldn't work in all situations. There are plenty of guys that would be a bit upset about having to clean all porn out of the house and stop using it entirely. I think that it's better in those situations to find some sort of compromise because a compromise is probably the better option than an ultimatum and the resulting bad feelings and resentment that ultimatums can cause.
Unfortunately porn stimulates what is probably the most basic instinct in guys and it's often very difficult for many to completely avoid the temptation. Especially when guys know, that for them, the porn is harmless and rarely a reflection of their feelings or desire for their partner.
I wasn't insinuating that you 'forced' him to get rid of the porn at all. I was just making an observation that while the two of you easily reached an amicable arrangement in your situation, that it may not work in other situations as simply.
I know that in my personal situation that if my partner told me that my porn hurt her feelings I would try to explain my desire and reasons for using porn and try to come to some arrangement that was satisfactory for both of us. I would definitely get upset with a g/f that did not want any porn in the household. However, I've never been in that situation so I can't say for sure what exactly I'd do or feel about it.