This is really dumb but...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
This is really dumb but...
12
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 1:13pm
I had my first "Ladies appointment" about a month ago and it was very uncomfortable and really hurt to the point where I was almost in tears... is that how sex is going to be??? Because after that awful, awful appointment I told my friends I would never have sex and I would never go back there, either! Why the freak did it hurt so bad? No one ever told me to expect that.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2005
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 1:23pm
I had my first gyno appt. when I was about 18 and it was awful too. My bum was off the table, it hurt... I vowed that nothing was ever going back in there. I lost my virginity a few years later, and I promise you- its much better than a going to the gynocologist. :) Dont worry!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 1:40pm

Hey soldiergrl! I'll let the ladies get into the super details of all this, but from what I know as a hubby anyway...

Sex IS different from paps or gyno checks. With sex, you actually CAN control what is happening with a partner you trust: angle, speed, depth, etc. If I'm not mistaken, don't appt. visits like that involve samples from within your cervix as well? Sex has nothing to do with pain like that if the two partners are careful enough to not bump that sensitive cervix area during thrusting.

With a caring and sensitive enough partner, THAT YOU TRUST, sex 'should not' be anywhere near the pain that you experienced with your appt. and sex may very likely be completely enjoyable.

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 2:55pm

Soldiergrl and Benny,


Don't refuse to get a yearly exam because of your bad experience with one exam.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 3:35pm

There is nothing that they do to you in an exam that is supposed to hurt you. I'm guessing that what hurt was the speculum when they did the pap smear. The reason it hurt was because you were scared, nervous and tense. The doctor SHOULD have stopped until you relaxed.

Guess what, if you try to have sex when you're scared, nervous and tense, it will be just as painful. The point is that you can't BE tense....that's what causes the pain. Hopefully, your next exam won't be so bad. It's "normal" to be nervous your first time at a gyno....specially if you're a virgin. Try to relax next time, and as Tish said, if they do hurt you, tell them to stop.

And hopefully, when you're ready for sex, you will be READY, and your partner will know how a woman's body works, and know how to get you aroused and ready. If he does that, it won't be painful.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 5:26pm

I had my first gyno exam at 16. It was embarrassing and uncomfortable, for sure, but painful? Not at all. My gynecologist did everything possible to put me at ease and tell me what he would be doing and why, step by step.

IF that wasn't your experience, or being examined by a male dr. was just too much, then you need to find another gynecologist...a female. But you NEED to be responsible for your own health.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2005
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 8:45pm

Hey there! I usually lurk more than I post here, but I just wanted to offer some moral support.

My first gyno exam was during a trip to the ER. I was VERY ill, but because I was in college, female, and assumed to be sexually active, a pregnancy test and a gyno exam were done. It was excruciating, given my illness and other symptoms. In fact, one of the nurses came in and gave me several Tylenol prior to the exam because SHE knew that I was in no shape for it. Eventually, several of the ER staff supported my story when I formally complained to the hospital.

For one, did you tell your physician that you were uncomfortable? Did your physician talk you through the exam? Did the physician seem to "forge on" even when you indicated signs of discomfort? It is imperative that you seek regular exams. I suggest that you find a physician with whom you are comfortable. I have a wonderful doctor and I dread the day that he retires or moves his practice. He is a true professional in every sense of the word.

Now, is intercourse the same? If it's against your will, if it is with someone you don't know or trust, or if your "heart" isn't in it. In both cases you need to relax and take your time.

d

Avatar for ariesgirl26
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 5:07pm

my first gyno exam was supposed to be at the young age of 15, because I was sexually active at that time, they did not go through with it because I was in a lot of pain! I had pain with most of my gyno exams up until I had first son. The doctor tried everything to make me feel comfortable, but i was so tight, and tense it still hurt, i told them just to do anyways, ebacsue I needed it done once a year for my birth control. Sex also hurt me until i had my second child, and this had to do with trauma from my past, and so on, i had this disorder, or so the doctor called it that whenever I had sex I would naturally tense up, and sometimes to the point where my husabdn was unable to enter me. So it depends on the situation, sex is now a little bit better it doesn't hurt anymore, unless I have an infection.

My advice to you, is the next time you have a visit do what I do, stare at a spot on the ceiling and really concentrate on it, before you know it, your relaxed, and remember to take deep breaths, and ask the nurse to hold your hand, or start talking to you, to sort of distract you, i request that myself, because I don't like getting pap smears, i find them very uncomfortable, and I just do it to get it over with! So remember next time to breath, and tell them when your ready, they will wait! Just try to relax!

hopefully your next appointment won't be as bad!

Jessica

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
Fri, 07-22-2005 - 5:02pm
Next time tell your gyne to use a small speculum and ask her to warm it a bit. If you had a woman do the exam they can be worse than a guy because they have to experience it every year also, guys are usually a little more gentle. It could also have been because it was your first time and you probably stiffened your muscles, try to relax. And, no sex is no supposed to be painful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2005
Fri, 07-22-2005 - 5:42pm
I also had my first "ladies appointment" not too long ago it was fine for me because she used the smallest ones, at the time I was a virgin so it was a little uncomfortable but it wasn't pain for me. My first time having sex was great I didn't have pain at all, everybody is different but don't worry too much about it.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-22-2005 - 5:53pm

"If you had a woman do the exam, they can be worse than a guy..."

I disagree with that because that hasn't been my experience at all. Why would a female gyno be more rough than a male simply because she goes through the same annual exam? That makes no sense.

I've had both over the years and generally, the female gynos tended to take more time with me and answer my questions more patiently than the males, precisely because they related more on a personal level.

And most gynos keep the speculums, and other exam instruments, on a heating pad in a drawer anyway.




Edited 7/22/2005 5:54 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001

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