Really Last Question

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Really Last Question
4
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 11:17pm

A few days ago I talked about how when I meet some one I am interested in, I would tell myself, "Perhaps I should not bother her," and discourages myself from approaching.

Yesterday I stumbled upon one of Stanley Milgrim's essay in which he discussed how, to protect himself or herself from over-stimulation, a city-dweller carries an unfriendly, impersonal appearance, and disregards what does not deserve his or her attention. Moreover, he mentioned that these norms of non-involvement are so powerful that people are unwilling to break them. As as New Yorker, every day I experience and practice these norms of non-involvement.

The essay made me think that, although I do have rejection-anxieties, perhaps I am less uncomfortable with approaching the woman than with doing it in front of other people. For example, once when we were alone, I told a girl that I had a crush on her with full knowledge that she would turn me down, but at other times, when we were in front of others, it felt so nerve-wrecking to even make small talks.

If it is the case that I am afraid of approaching a woman in front of others, why am I telling myself that she does not want to be bothered? Do you see how I can put those ideas together?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 11:42pm
I'm not sure. I don't quite understand what you are trying to say.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 11:47pm

You need to do less reading, less research, less analyzing.....and take some ACTION!

Everyone has fear of rejection! And guess what, if you're rejected, you won't die!

If you don't learn to ACT.....you'll never know if you'd have been rejected, or accepted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 7:38am

I agree with Sakura, stop reading, stop analyzing and just go for it.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 9:09pm
Although the answer is not what I expected, somehow I like it a lot. I have gotten to the point where I am so sick of thinking and analyzing. Thanks, ladies!