Really Need Answers.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2004
Really Need Answers.....
10
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 12:40pm
I am now married and has been for 8 months now and before we got married she knew I mastrubates and I knew she did too.Here is the problem.Since we have been married I still mastrubates whenever I gets very horny after I have tried getting some loving from but not letting her know about it.Well one night I had tried making love to her because I had been very horny from thinking about her all day and thinking about what we did a couple days ago,But she told me that she didn't feel like it,so I told her ok because I respected her for that,then lay on back and tried going to sleep.I couldn't go to sleep,so I got up and went to the bathroom to releive myself and when I returned she asked me did I just go to do what I think you just did and I said yes.She then got mad and said that whenever she finds out that I have been doing that that it makes her feels like she isn't satifing me.I tried telling her it's not like that at all,That you satifies me all the time,I needed you tonight and you said that you didn't feel like it so I needed relief.She said that it still makes her feel that way and I had to promise that I would stop.She does it why can't I? We use to have sex alot before and alittle after we got married.Now it's maybe once a week if any.I have needs and feelings too.

My main question is: Are any you men going through this or Have you? Women? Do you feel that same way as she does about your husbands doing it solo when you aren't feeling up to making love to him?

PLEASE!! Help

Thanks

Howie_T

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 1:09pm
Well, it sounds like she is setting you up. She turned you down, you went to relieve yourself, and she was waiting when you were done to ask you if you did. You masturbatory habits are normal, and it sounds like something is going on with her. How has the relationship been? Have you twoo been fighting over little things more lately? I odn't see how she can be hurt by what you did after she turned you down. Perhaps sitting with a counselor might help her sort out what is going on with her, and find out why she is threatened by something so normal.


Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 2:33pm
I agree with what Leticia said. 110% She is setting you up and you are going to fail but yet, it seems like that is what she wants. She is giving herself a reason to be mad at you and then deny you sex. Her excuse? "You run off and please yourself anyways so why do you need me?" Of course this is all speculation but it is how I see it.

I also wanted to let you know that when I am flat out to tired for sex, I really don't care if JT goes and relieves himself. That way I know I can get a sound night's sleep without being woken up earlier than normal for a quikie before I hit the pool. LOL I also try (sometimes - if I am not totally exhausted) to get him off with a hand job or will watch some porn with him while he masturbates. I do that so he knows I am not totally rejecting him, just not up for intercourse.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 2:34pm

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 6:00pm
Well, she ISN'T satisfying you, at least at THAT moment, is she? So, if she you should stop masturbatiing now that you're married, then she's being unrealistic and unfair. You gave her the opportunity to make love, she opted out. So?

I think you need to tell her that what's fair for the GANDER is fair for the goose. So, she'll either also need to refrain from masturbating as well OR better yet, allow you to take care of your own needs when necessary. In other words, she really needs to grow up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 6:34pm
I'm always up to it, but, no, I know my DH masturbates, and I encourage it. I believe it does the body good. I agree with the others, she DENIES you sex, and then expects you to wait for her? I personally don't refuse sex of any kind because I KNOW how it feels when you're so hungry for your partner, you can taste them. She certainly can't expect you to refrain from self-pleasure, and I'd tell her that too. Tell her how you feel. Stand up for yourself. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 6:54pm
I don't do this everytime she turns me down.Just maybe once or twice.I just doesn't see why she can relieve herself whenever she needs to,But I can't.Yes we have been fighting some over little things,because she usually wants every thing her way and be the boss and tell me what I can and can not do.I don't try to do that to her.Which is another story.

Thanks for responding.

Howie_t

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 7:10pm
Tish, Yes she does as far as I know,Because she tells me do it when she be thinking about me when I am out working and is not home.Then sometimes we will endup having sex after she finish telling me what she had done.Here lately she has been telling me that she doesn't feel up to doing it maybe tomorrow night and I would say ok that's ok if you doesn't feel like doing anything.There are times when I will kiss her(which we do anyway)and turn over to go to sleep,then when the next night comes it would end up being the same thing,so that's when I will get up and go to the bathroom to mastrubate.I do communicate much as possible with her,even sometimes we will wakeup in the middle of the night and talk about things.If you want to you can email me and I will tell you more.

That if you would like to hear more about it.that way I can really go into the matter of the problem.

Howiet_2004@yahoo.com

Thanks

Howie_t

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 7:10pm

I don't think it matters if you do it once or 50 times.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 7:32pm
I don't see anything wrong with your situation at all. She turned you down, you needed relief, so you went and took care of it for yourself. Why should she be mad? I don't understand that AT ALL? !

I WISH my husband would go and do that once in awhile when I'm not up for it. To me, you are a very respectable and mannerly guy to respect her wishes like that. I mean, since she wasn't in the mood and you were, are you to just lay there the rest of the evening all horny because SHE is not in the mood? I don't get it. MAybe you should have lied and said no, honey, I didn't do that, I just used the restroom. I mean, sheesh! We all have our needs.

Sorry that happened. But I wouldn't feel badly about it at all if I were you. Not one bit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2004
Sat, 07-10-2004 - 10:02am
Thanks for your response.I am very glad that someone understands me.I always respect her wishes and NEVER have tried to force her into anything she didn't want to do or feel like doing.That have been that way every since we started dating before we got married and after too.tiana_rose Email me PLEASE!! at Howiet_2004@yahoo.com.

Thanks once again

Howie_t