really need some advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
really need some advice
5
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 1:28am
My boyfriend and i have been dating for seven months and i have tried to pleasure him but never seems to finish the feeling builds but always goes away i kind of think maybe i'm doing something wrong but he says that i'm not is there something i could try or maybe i am doing something wrong please give me some advice. Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 2:00am
Does he get hard, then soft, then hard, then soft? Mine does too. What I do is KEEP ON DOING IT. Hard or soft, I continue on, if he is having a bad night it may take 40 minutes to get him off by my hands. Keep on and do not let him getting soft worry you. It will et hard again. Once you finally keep on for 45 minutes and he gets off, use combination hands and mouth, then you will feel more confident and can repeat the process. He will feel better too. Do not give up. Remmeber keep going for 45 minutes with hands and mouth.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 4:00am
You're talking about fellatio (oral sex) aren't you?

Some guys can't cum that way. Some take a long time. Some can't quite bring themselves to let go and relax enough to orgasm. I'm like that myself. I usually need to know that the girl is completely comfortable with me cumming in her mouth before I can relax enough to do it.

Sometimes the stimulation is really good but just doesn't QUITE hit the buttons. Or maybe everything is building up fine and then she changes her rhythm or something very slightly and that can be enough to delay my orgasm.

Main thing is, if he's saying that you're doing everything right he's enjoying it whether he cums or not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 8:28am
The BEST thing you can do for him is to leave him alone about it, and take the pressure to "perform" off of him. There are lots of guys who can't finish, for many reasons. It has nothing to do with you, or what you're doing, or not doing. It's his problem, and you can't fix it for him.

What you CAN do is continue to do whatever you do, until you or he is tired, then you stop. If he has to finish himself, then that's what he has to do. Whether or not he "finished", he's STILL enjoying what you do. You don't have to ask him what's wrong, that just makes him more nervous. In the meantime, what is he doing for YOU? By concentrating on you instead of his problem, he'll be able to relax and forget about it, and eventually, he'll be comfortable enough with you to "let go". Until he does, don't pressure him about it. The more you ask, the harder it becomes for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 8:36am
Ask HIM. "I don't know" is not an acceptable answer from him. If you can't communicate, you don't have much of a relationship.

Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 9:21am
From a guy who has been in his shoes I will tell you this first and foremost. You are not doing anything wrong. Second though, Leave it be. He is having issues with something, and the best thing you can do, is do exactly what the first responder said. Just don't stop. Go until you cannot do it anymore. If he doesn't have and orgasm, oh well, it felt great, he enjoyed himself, and you did please him. I had ED for a little while, and my SO made the mistake of taking all the blame for it onto herself. She agonized over it for a while. I figured out what it was, and once I told her to not ask me is she was doing it right, things got a lot better. I have been able to maintain all the way through to completion here lately, and she is much happier. But one night she asked me if she was doing something wrong, right in the middle of it, and I went soft shortly after her question. It is a mental pressure thing for me. If I feel like she is not enjoying herself, or she is worried, or she is having some sort of problem with what she is doing, I have a very hard time maintaining. Let your boyfriend know that you want to do it for him. Tell him if you want him to orgasm in your mouth. Or if you want him to pull out. Tell him you want to do this for him, and tell him how much you enjoy doing it for him. And be patient with him. It is his problem, and god knows he wants to get over it, or passed it. With time, love, and enthusiasm from you, He will be good to go before you realize it. The last thing I have to say is probably one of the most important. Guys want to see or feel like there women enjoy pleasing them. If you don't give him signs that you are enjoying what you are doing for him, he will not know, and therefore will feel less enjoyment from the situation. Make sure to give him lots of signs that you are having as much fun as he is pleasing him.