Really shy, and unsure-please help
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| Tue, 08-01-2006 - 1:03pm |
Hi Everyone.
I hope this isn't going to sound strange, but sometimes I am really embarrassed to have sex.
Reasons being because #1- I am verrrry shy, (my boyfriend is too, but not when it comes this)- #2 i don't know many things when it comes to sex- i am inexperienced. Right now he is really happy with me and even likes that i am shy. I wish I wasn't but i am. i am afraid he will get bored with me- he wants me to "suck" but I have never and I don't know what to do. i am really embarrassed.
Don't get me wrong, I like sex- but he just can't keep his hands off everytime i see him. it could be due to the fact that we only really see each other on the weekend because of both our work schedules. We do a lot of things- going out, have fun, dinner everything but the sex if any is only 1x a week. Is that too little for a guy? I am fine with it. i am really attracted to him (in every way), but i can control myself, why can't he? he respects if i don't want to do it- he's fine and we do other things-(we go out)but he said what's wrong if we do it every weekend? i told him i wish we could spend more time together so he wants me to stay the whole weekend with him many times, but i live at home (I am 26) and my mom is very protective of me and since it's only been only almost 2 months.- she says wait awhile until we spend the weekend together.
Since the time we spend is mainly on the weekend, and sometimes a half hour at most during the week do you feel that it's okay to have sex even though we don't see each other more? I feel unsure-i want to but, i dont also- What's wrong with me? Am i being "a prude?"

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why do you sound so anxious about this whole thing? it sounds like he likes you and you like him and everything is going well.
are you enjoying the sex? is he doing stuff to please you or do you even know what pleases you? it's ok even if you don't know because that's what intimate relationships are for, exploring and communicating...it brings you closer together. most people are not perfect from the get go.
i think it is ok to spend the weekend together since that's all the time you have, due to your schedules. that way the relationship can develop more. granted, i tend to be liberal on these things, so you should do whatever feels right to you.
as for once a week, everyone is different, if it's working for you guys, great. i would usually prefer it more often (i'm a female).
have you been in an intimate relationship before or is this your first? just curious as to why you are so anxious.
Hi, thanks for your advice.
Actually I have been in an intimate relationship before, but the relationship I am in now is so strong. I have loved before, but the feelings I have now are different.
I really feel much more emotion in this relationship. From both myself and him. The love is very strong...i am very nervous..i've never felt like this before and i want it to last so badly! you know the saying too much of a good thing?.....and so far everything is realllly good....almost too good...so i am worried.
Angels778
No need to be embarrassed with or by sex, sex is common in relationships and if you feel comfortable around him and him with you there should not really be anything to be shy about. You need to both learn to communicate if it is a new relationship.
You mention "SUCK" so I taking it as you mean oral (Fellation, correct term) and you are not sure what to do as you have never experienced it before.
FELLATIO - describes the oral stimulation of the penis. A common technique of fellatio is to take the erect penis in the mouth while rhythmically caressing the rest of the penis with the hands; the testes and the shaft of the penis can also be licked with the tongue. Suction is often used to increase the pressure and friction exerted on the penis.
While the use of the mouth to stimulate the penis, especially the glans, is a central feature of fellatio, often the partner simultaneously stimulates the shaft of the penis with his/her hand to provide the man with the feeling of the penis being enclosed this as the preferred and most satisfying method of providing oral sex to a man.
Another very efficient technique is to have the penis's head go in and out of the mouth very quickly (without going down to the shaft). This gives the receiver extreme stimulation and can lead to ejaculation in much less time, if you have not experience giving oral before the ejaculation may be another thing you will need to be aware of.
What everyone on these boards will tell you is take your time until you are ready, you say you enjoy sex,but honestly you are inexperienced,,,,practice makes perfect.
As for him always touching you, beleive me MEN are always thinking of sex, and if you do not see each other often it only makes it worse. It is great that he respects you for not wanting it but and is understanding to do it only 1X a week......
Angel I would do some research and when you are with him the 1X a week or you decide to spend the weekend together you will know more, the rest is just learning, if you learn together it makes the whole thing more enjoyable.
Has he gone down on you
Asoxs
I used to be soooo bashful about sex. In some ways I still am, but today, since I'm more in sync with my body and more confident in my love-making abilities, it comes across as coquettishness rather than shyness. I think you'll find that with time and confidence your shyness will transform into the sweetly vampy behavior that some guys find hot, hot, hot. I hope your guy is one of them.
Your story reminds me a little of the guy I lost my virginity to. If you see your guy in the following description, I hope you'll think twice about whether or not this guy is right for you. Not that there was anything "wrong" with this guy I, uh, married--huge-o mistake--but we had such differing sexual philosophies that we almost always clashed in the bedroom. He wanted one thing, I wanted another. It didn't work out in the long run because love can't make up for sexual incompatibility. That wasn't our only problem, but it was symptomatic of how incompatible we were overall. When we began dating he would push me to do fellatio, and his idea of "love making" was groping, grabbing, ramming the tongue down my throat. There was nothing sweet and tender about it. Everything was hurried and hard. That gets old before long if you're craving the sweet and tender kind of love making, believe me.
When I got a little older, and after I began thinking about the sorts of things I needed to have happen in the bedroom, and the things I definitely did not want to happen, I realized how important sexual compatibility is. It's been a top priority for me ever since. When you're with a guy whose love making is perfectly in tune with yours, wow. Discomfort melts away.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I would take discomfort in the bedroom as a sign that the two of you aren't clicking personality-wise. Personally, I was never able to be with another guy who suggested or hinted at or pressed me to have oral sex. To me it's the most intimate form of love making and it has to happen spontaneously. I have to be in the mood, I have to really want to do it at that moment, it has to be my idea. Maybe this is because my ex spoiled it for me with all his prodding and pressing, or maybe it's just because everyone is different and no two people approach sex the same way. I would advise anyone experiencing a conflict of sexual styles with their SO to be true to themselves. You'll resent it, and him, later on if you give in just to make him happy.
>>but he said what's wrong if we do it every weekend?<<
I don't know. What IS wrong with having sex every weekend? What would be wrong with doing it several times every weekend?
>>but i can control myself, why can't he?<<
Why should he control how he feels about you? He is in love with you, finds you very sexually attractive and it sounds like the two of you are enjoying the sex when you have it. Why should he have to control himself? Why do you feel that you have to "control" yourself?
>>do you feel that it's okay to have sex even though we don't see each other more?<<
What we feel isn't really the point. Its about what you feel. I don't see any problem with it if you both want to and you both feel comfortable with having sex. But really, you have to figure out what you want and what makes you comfortable.
>>Am i being "a prude?"<<
No, I don't think that you are. I think that you might be a bit pessimistic about the relationship and maybe you are listening too much to what your mother is saying, but I don't think that you are a prude. I don't know why you seem so anxious - yes, the relationship could end badly but at the moment it is going just fine. If you hold back too much because you are worried about things turning bad then it may become a self-fulfilling prophecy. He'll get upset with you and your overly reserved manner and things will start to fall apart.
I think that you should stay at his place if you want. you are a big girl now and you can do whatever you want. It also makes sense if the weekends are the only time you get to see him.
There are no right answers to what you ask. I think it's very important, however, that you not do anything that makes you uncomfortable since you could end up harboring resentments.
We're all different and it's usually best to listen to what our intuition is telling us.
If you're so perplexed by your situation that you don't know whether or not to trust your own feelings, you might want to discuss it with a counselor.
I think you should stay with him for the weekend, just so you can spend more time together. Even if your mom is protective of you, she can't do anything about it if you do spend the weekend with him. I'm not saying it like to be catty lol, I just mean don't worry about it you know? Tell her it's to spend more time together and that you're old enough to make your own decisions. And you'll get over your shyness about sex, don't worry. Hope that helped =]
Amy
**Amy**
no he has not gone down on me- He has wanted to but I wouldnt let him. He hasnt asked me again, but he asked me "why don't you suck". What do i say-All i said to him was that I don't know how! i feel really stupid. I feel I cannot do anything right. What if he doesn't like it?
Hi, thanks for your kind advice. i think my problem is that i do not have enough confidence when it comes to getting intimate. I feel comfortable with him, but at the same time i feel uneasy about what to do during sex. i feel i am very boring. he wants to try different postions but i am too shy. Why can't i just be free?
>>He'll get upset with you and your overly reserved manner and things will start to fall apart.<<
-regarding what you said there, he has already tried to tell me nicely to just relax, and not to worry about so many things, especially what my mother thinks also- like you had said, he also said I am a big girl now, that we are both adults and I should be able to make my own decisions. He said he wants me to have my own personality my own thoughts-. he does get annoyed sometimes because because he says everytime he asks me something i always have to ask my mother... but i seek her approval for everything and just want everyone to be in accord. i don't want her to disapprove of anything.
I am thankful he has been understanding but yes, i have to stop being so reserved and try to have fun and not worry too much. How can i do this? My nature is to worry.
Thanks again for your advice.
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