Recent problem during sex
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| Mon, 06-18-2007 - 10:54am |
Hi all...
I've been having a little problem the past two times I had sex. This has never happened to me before so I thought I'd get some other opinions.
First, let me tell you I am in a chemical menopausal state from going through chemotherapy for 8 months. I have been off the chemo for four months, but still no period (may take up to 2 years). I have recently thrown my back out and that still hurts (just got put into place twice). I have also recently had a CT scan that showed two spots have returned. THe day that I had my scan I was very nervous because that's when you start waiting for the results. My fiance and I tried to have sex and it felt like it just wasn't going in. It was pinching a lot and he wanted to stop so I wouldn't get hurt. We thought we'd try again in about a week or after I got my results.
Last night, I thought I was in the mood and ready (which is SO hard to get in the mood anymore), but it happened again only not as bad. He got in okay and all was good for a few thrusts, but then he said he felt like it was "closing" (that's the term we used to joke about it last week) again, although, it wasn't as bad as last week.
We laid there for a while and got started up again and he tried again and he went in just fine again, but it started to get pinchy again after about 7 thrusts, so I told him to hurry up if he wanted to get off. LOL And he did.
My question is, what is the problem? It's either one of two things or maybe both. Is it too dry or was it stress? The first time I thought maybe it was just stress from worrying about the test and last night I thought maybe it was me being afraid to hurt my back more. I didn't think it was because of this because I have had sex with a cyst on my ovary last year and a hernia and didn't get that "scared of penetration" tightness. So I'm thinking maybe it's just too dry from my menopausal state. I did put some KY around the opening of my vagina, but none on him, but I guess that didn't help.
Should I use a lot more on him and see what happens next time? I'm just confused since I never had problems before. Or, am I just tightening up? Hope to get some response from some of you who have had the same feeling.
Thanks to any who reply!
Mys

No matter how tight you are if there is enough lubrication it will feel good. Use a LOT more lube and try it. There are also some really good lubes that last longer than KY jelly out there if you need it. Personally I just use the ky jelly and reapply as needed.
Hope everything turns out well with your chemo. And that you can manage to have sex again. The stress-relief from having sex would probably be great for you!
Edited 6/18/2007 2:46 pm ET by tami-kins
How about "all of the above"? You are being given "chemicals" (more than likely hormones) which will throw off your sexual responses. You're stressed out because of a possible bad diagnosis, and you have a bad back. Any or all of these could have an effect on your "arousal" and "lubrication".....and you're dry!
LOTS of lubrication should help. Also, ask your doctor(s) about it and possibly they can recommend something that would help, or at least explain why it's happening. I'm sure they've heard the question before!
I think it does sound like a dryness issue. The stress, chemo, menopause, etc. could all contribute to that. I would recommend using enough lube until you feel comfortable. That should make a huge difference. I know that sometimes I get so dry that it seems to close DH out. Using lube always seems to help.
Good luck with everything, and feel free to keep us posted here.
my partner in the siggy exchange
lube might be the answer. Also I remember Dh saying that when I conrtract my vagina
muscles it hurts him. Have you ever noticed doing that? One other thing if your body
is tense it's tense all over. Ky works great. deffently use lots on each other.
kareeese
"Also I remember Dh saying that when I conrtract my vagina
muscles it hurts him."
So Kareese, what do you do? Do you make a conscious effort to not contract your muscles? I have never heard of a guy saying it hurt him, so just curious.
my partner in the siggy exchange
yes I try not to contract so tight. When I'm at my peek sometimes i jsut can't help
it!!! He hasn't said anything about it bothering him in awhile. So i'm glad about that!
I figure she's not so tight lol!