rejection in bed

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
rejection in bed
25
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 5:59pm
I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half. Near the beginning of the relationship I noticed that he had only given me oral sex 1 time. When I questioned him about it he said that I had an odor. Upon further questioning he assured me that it was only the one time that he smelled it and that it was probably due to my period or something of that nature. Over the past months he has assured me that he has not noticed any bad smells etc., however, he still never goes down on me and is even reluctant to touch my vagina with his hand. I asked him about this again last night and once again it seems as though I smell. Although he can't seem to tell me what I smell like or what he thinks I should smell like. Let me be clear that he still has sex with me and receives oral sex on a very regular basis. He does not even ask for it, he just gets it. I have had my fair share of sexual partners and never received this complaint before. In fact it has always been quite the opposite, they can't seem to get enough. In all my years of sexual activity there have been no obvious or lasting changes in my hygeine techniques, discharge patterns or smell. Sure I go through normal monthly cycles like any woman but I am confident that I have a normal, healthy smelling vagina. Does anyone have any input? I just find it strange that I only seem to "smell" when I question him about his sexual generosity.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 6:32pm
thats weird. i could understand if it was like right after your period that he would say this but since he only says it when you ask him i think its quite odd.
i kind of have the same problem tho...my guy has never mentioned an odor but he too seems to be a little, uh, selfish. i ALWAYS give him what he wants, 95% of the time he never even has to ask, but he is very hesitant to go down on me.
im assuming you arent the problem here! maybe he just doesnt like doing it?! i wish i could be of more help but i found it interesting that we are in almost the same boat.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 6:42pm
well, the first time i brought the subject up I asked him if he liked doing it and he said yes, that he loved it. I can't seem to get him to talk to me or tell me anything that would be helpful to my broken heart. i find that i am unusually shy and self concious with him when in the past i haven't been. in every other respect he is an amazing boyfriend. i just don't know what to do, i am so sad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 8:10pm
Have you tried explaining it like that to him? Telling him how you feel and how much it bothers you...



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 10:30pm
Perhaps he is masking his own reasons for not wanting to do it by blaming the problem on you. If this is the case, he is being very cowardice and shallow in my opinion because it is affecting your own self confidence with him.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2007
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 10:58pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 11:25pm

Welcome to the board lonely_violet.

I agree with nhgal -- you really need to let him know how this makes you feel. There is a reason that he is skipping this, and it most likely has everything to do with him and very little to do with you. There are guys that don't like to give oral, and sometimes it's because they don't know how to do it properly. If you let him know how you feel, perhaps he will offer a better explanation of what's going on with him.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2004
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 11:32pm

Hi Lonely violet :)

No worries, all the other posters are right. It's not you. You are doing everything right and are still the sexy woman you always were and always will be.

My previous partner also didn't give much oral. He also always commented on the smell as well. He would comment that my smell would be on his hands all day long and that he couldn't get rid of it (or in his nose, which ever). Unlike some guys, it didn't excite him or drive him wild. It didn't exactly disgust him either (well the nose part did), but he found it annoying. He still gave me plenty of finger action, but not so much mouth. I thought there was something wrong with me at first also (and the first time he gave me oral was around my period, so it made sense), but it became clear it was my smell in general. I did this and that and worried (for years). But then one day I thought, wait, isn't a girl's smell supposed to be a good thing? Just like the smell of a guy is a good thing (sometimes) for a girl? So I stopped worrying about it. So when my guy gave me a lecture about how he heard how diet affected how you smelled down there, I didn't listen (plus a lot of it was bogus anyway and I don't appreciate people putting the blame on me). I decided that I'm going to eat what I want and if oral doesn't work out that night, that's ok with me. I was just fine and sexy. And if he didn't like, another guy would, so there ;) hehe.

Now, my current wonderful boyfriend loves the way I smell and taste every time, and gives me oral all the time. I can't get enough and I feel confident and sexy. The problem before wasn't me. It was me + the previous guy. I didn't change anything. And I don't know if the previous guy likes giving oral to other girls (my guess is not). But I do know my bf has always loved how all kinds of girls smell and taste and loves giving oral more than almost anything.

You know how you just like how some people smell and how others don't? I think it's just the same thing for guys and girls down there. Or maybe some guys just don't like smells or tastes. I dunno. That's just my guess. But I certainly wouldn't take it personally. You aren't doing anything wrong. But I will caution that it might be something he can't change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 12:05am

Despite the guy who says he loves it, and many do.....there are lots of guys who hate doing it. It's a "mental" block that they have. Yes, you DO "smell" there......that's called pheremones, and it's supposed to be a sexual attractant......obvious not for all men. As long as you've washed or showered recently, that's ALL the smell there is. (or if you have an infection, which you would KNOW if you did!)

He doesn't like to do it. It's easier to blame you than to admit he doesn't like it. Tell him he smells bad, and stop giving it to him.....see how HE feels about it. (Just kidding, don't be as selfish as he is!)

Talk to him and tell him you aren't going to live without it (and you shouldn't have to) and you're clean, and there's no reason he can't give you some pleasure, unless he's just plain lazy or selfish.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 10:26am

Welcome to the board toothoughtful. Thanks for joining in!



I hope you'll visit June Roll Call and let us get to know you a little better.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 11:01am

I agree with most of the other posters. Tell him how you feel about it! But I also have a personal note to add.

I am well aware of pheromones since I am a sense oriented lover. The smell of most men, clean, hot sweaty, whatever, turns me on. Until my last boyfriend. In my last relationship, he had a very unique odor that even shaving in his pubic area didn't completely get rid of. It was assuredly just the way his pheromones reacted to his skin but I didn't like it. Lived with him for 3 years though and even though I did have oral sex with him regularly it was never as enjoyable as I knew it could be because of the way he smelled even when he was clean. So ... it could be that even though you are clean and you don't mind the way you smell, it could have an effect on your boyfriend's pleasure in doing that. Or he could just be a selfish one!

My suggestion would be to buy unlubricated condoms or dental dams and have him use them when he performs oral on you. You can cut the condom in half (make sure to use a little lubricant on the side that he places against you) and use it or the dental dams are already in squares to use. That will block both any smell or taste but not the sensation and he won't have a reason to complain!

Good luck!

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