Role playing

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Role playing
31
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 7:58pm
Coming out of lurkdom to ask a question: My husband and I have been together for 18 years. Our sex life has always been fulfilling and exciting, but we've never role played. I feel as though I'm maybe missing something. What exactly does it do and how often is it done? Whenever I would ask my husband if he wants me to dress up and role play, he just tells me that's silly. He says that I'm so sexy, he loves to look at me, as me. Are we missing some extra-arousal tool, or is it the same arousal as would be, were there not any role playing? I wouldn't want to be missing out, although I'd probably feel silly too, but I'd still give it a whirl. How many of you role play? How often? And does it give both of you extra, extra, arousal(wouldn't want to miss that!)?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 12:51pm
(sigh) I wish that I knew what that was like. I always have to wear some getup when my BF and I have sex. He's always pushing for a threesome with some other hot chick we know. Even when I don't feel much like dressing up and role playing, I do it because I want him to be happy. It's getting old. (sigh) Wish he were happy with just me as me. I really believe that it's the getups and role playing that turns him on not me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 1:02pm
Talk to your man. Don't let him treat you that way, thinking that you like it. Talk to him about it, and don't always do it, just to make him feel good. You need to feel good about it too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 1:08pm
We don't go out and buy the little costumes or anything. My hubby likes to dress me in beautiful revealing dresses when we go out and he likes to pick them out, we live on the beach so he likes me in my bikinis with his big shirts over them, tank tops, he likes me topless in the kitchen (when we're alone), sometimes he'll put a little lacey apron on me. Other than that, the only couple of things I have that we "role play" in is a bra and body strap that accentuates things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 1:18pm
I have. He simply says that it turns him on. That it's not much to ask. I want him to be happy. He dresses me by telling me what to put on. Lately, I feel like a paper doll with no mind of my own.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 1:42pm
Like I said, if you don't like doing it. Don't. I realize you like to make him happy, but not at the expense of yourself. Tell him you are tired of having to dress up, feeling like a pare doll. Etc. You need to have the courage and strength to stand up for your self, and your self image. You are a person, and deserve to be treated like a person, even in the bedroom. Just stop wearing things, and let him know you want to be attractive without anything on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 1:57pm
You don't get it. I WANT him to WANT ME to do what I want, I don't want to MAKE him want it. I want him to STOP wanting me to dress up, not simply agree that I shouldn't. I'd only feel a victor of a lost cause.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 2:10pm
>>You don't get it. I WANT him to WANT ME to do what I want, I don't want to MAKE him want it. I want him to STOP wanting me to dress up, not simply agree that I shouldn't. I'd only feel a victor of a lost cause.<<

ROFL, not to laugh at you but geez you sound like a stereotypical woman. Life doesn't alway work that way. If this is something he enjoys and desires doing with you, he will probably *never* stop wanting you to do it. If he compromises, great. But don't expect to change his feelings about this.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 2:13pm
I do get it, and I do understand, but you need to do for you sometimes in your life. He should not control it. You are allowing him to control it. If it made you happy, I would not see the problem, but since it is doing so much harm to you, I would have to advise taking control yourself. Do what you want, and expect him to accept it, rather than him expecting you to get dressed for sex. You don't get it, you need to feel good about whatever you decide to do, and if it does not make you feel good, then do something about it. You need to do it, but if you don't you will always be miserable and feel exactly the way you do now, until you either leave him, or he is tired of you. One or the other. I am simply giving you some advice, from me to you. Take it or leave it, it is after all your choice. I understand what you want, but I am afraid you will never get it without doing something for yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 2:26pm
You misunderstood. I just want him to value me more than his desire, not the other way around. I want him to do it on his own, not because I make him. Right now, his desire is obviously more important than I am because he was not willing to compromise. I guess then, in essence, I do want him to change his desire.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 2:30pm
Then you are fighting a losing battle. That will take a lot longer to change, if it is possible to change it. Whats next?? You need to feel like he desires you, for you, not for what you wear, right??? Then make him make a choice. And feel better about yourself, or continue to do what he wants, and feel like your not what he wants. Either way it is up to you, but it is very sad IMHO that you cannot be happy.