Role playing

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Role playing
31
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 7:58pm
Coming out of lurkdom to ask a question: My husband and I have been together for 18 years. Our sex life has always been fulfilling and exciting, but we've never role played. I feel as though I'm maybe missing something. What exactly does it do and how often is it done? Whenever I would ask my husband if he wants me to dress up and role play, he just tells me that's silly. He says that I'm so sexy, he loves to look at me, as me. Are we missing some extra-arousal tool, or is it the same arousal as would be, were there not any role playing? I wouldn't want to be missing out, although I'd probably feel silly too, but I'd still give it a whirl. How many of you role play? How often? And does it give both of you extra, extra, arousal(wouldn't want to miss that!)?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 2:36pm
Maybe we're just not compatible. I want a man who doesn't need for me to do anything but show up and be the sexy person I am inside and out naturally. Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 2:38pm
>>I just want him to value me more than his desire, not the other way around. I want him to do it on his own, not because I make him.<<

If he makes a compromise, then that shows he *does* value you more. Nobody has to make compromises if they don't want to, it's always going to be his choice if he does. You can't make anybody do anything, and there is nothing wrong with explaining your feelings and ask him to make a compromise for you.

>>Right now, his desire is obviously more important than I am because he was not willing to compromise.<<

You know, men aren't mind readers. You have been playing along all this time, so why should he want to change? He thinks you fully enjoy this! Have you sat him down and told him straight forward everything you feel about this situation? What was his response? Men don't usually take hints, you really need to be staright forward about your feelings if you want to inspire any kind of change.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 2:45pm
Didn't you read my posts. I already told him how I feel. He just brushed it under the rug. He feels that it's a minor thing for me to do this for him. I don't want to convince him to change his mind, I want him to want to change his mind. I think I just want a different kind of man. A man who wants me to be happy, not just one who wants me to make him happy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 2:53pm
Very good Mia. If that is what you need then that is what you need, But I am afraid it is a lot more complicated than you think. I have to echo another post and say that we men cannot read your mind. So, no matter what the problem you are having, we will never know until you tell us, and some of us have a really hard time getting the hint, so stopping is the way to go. There is no need to leave him over something this simple, unless there are problems else where in your relationship. If you love him, and want to be with him, then you will have to make things BLUNT. Don't wear anything to bed tonight, or next time you are together with him. See how he reacts. If that makes him not interested, or even worse, asks you to put something on, then I would suggest leaving him, but if he gets into it, and enjoys you, then that is a good sign that he does find you sexy, attractive etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 3:13pm
Do you think I haven't tried that? I try all of the time to just be myself. He eventually pleas with me and goes into my closet and picks out what to wear. He tells me to "Do it for him. It turns him on." Makes me feel horrible. Same with the threesomes. He knows that I'm not interested, and he keeps bringing it up whenever he sees a hot chick. I told him no over and over again. When I read the other women's posts about NOT having to do these things, and just be themselves, I realized that is what I want too. A man that loves me that much. Thanks again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 3:25pm
Then I would say leave him, and find another man you are more willing to compromise with. Someone who meets your needs as much as you meet his. I don't know what you have or have not tried, so I am trying to throw out ideas for you. Sorry. I like my girl to wear something for me too, but not all the time!!! I love her body, bare as the day she was born, or with sexy attire on. It makes no difference to me. If that is what you want, then find another man. It is your happiness that matters here in this situation, not his.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 3:42pm
Yes. I want a man who gives me freedom of expression. Who allows me to wear what I want when I want, and appreciates all of me- and who gets aroused by me not what I'm wearing/not wearing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 7:55pm
You DESERVE a man who gives you the freedom of expression, who loves you in gym clothes, a suit, sexy dress or sweat pants. I doubt you are going to find Mr. Right while you are changing into yet another outfit to try to please of Mr. Wrong.

Leave him. You deserve better. You deserve a man who will love you for being you, not because he can control you. If you don't believe that, then you aren't going to fool someone else into believing it. You are better than him and you know it.

Sara

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 1:49pm
Well, what if your guy wanted to wear something in public that embarrassed you or offended your sensibilities? What if he wanted to expose himself to your mother and your friends because it made him feel sexy? We ALL have our boundaries and limits....even you.

I just don't think this is a one-way street. IF you want to be in a relationship, then your partner's feelings, concerns and personal standards must be considered and respected as well. It's all about compromise and understanding. You have to willing to give to get. IF you want everything YOUR way, all the time, then don't be in a relationship because that's unrealistic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 2:29pm
I did consider his wants/needs. I just want to be "left" to decide how and when to apply them. Freedom to express them. Making me feel that I had no choice but to comply made me resentful and took all of the joy out of even wearing it occasionally. I didn't like feeling as though without the garb,I wasn't worth the time of day.