rules of engagement

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
rules of engagement
7
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 10:44pm

My question is... what are the 'making out' rules of engagement?

My new bf and I had oral sex about 10 days after our first date. I was fine with it at the time. We did this twice. But for some unexplainable reason, I now feel like we might have gone too fast, and I would like to slow things down; perhaps return to the 'days of innocence' with him, at least for a little while.

We've talked about it, and he says that he's okay with just making out. What exactly do guys see as making out? Because when we do, he starts putting his hands down my pants, and I can feel him getting an erection. For some reason, I am confused as to where making out starts and ends. I just feel that if I were to give him a hand job, one thing would lead to another. Does the fact that he gets an erection mean that expects to have sex? Or is he just okay with kissing me and having an erection with no follow-through? I know that every situation is different, but I would like to a general opinion.

Another thing I would like to know... please give me an honest opinion. I don't see him very often in a place where things could get intimate (maybe once a week), but when I do, he starts kissing me, and I feel a bit of pressure to do more. He always tells me it's okay to take things slowly, but after a date he always asks me if I want to come up to his apartment, and I just know he's going to start kissing me. I can't really blame him considering we did have oral sex after barely a week of seeing each other. Is it fair of me to ask him to slow down after we have already gotten intimate?

What are the ROE's?

Thank you

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2003
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 10:59pm

In my opinion, I think making out consists of kissing and touching outside of the clothing .. and maybe touching underneath clothing, as long as there's no fingering or hand job action. That's a whole different category.

Now, you want to know if it's fair of you to ask him to slow down after you've been intimate? 110%, undoubtedly, yes! Your feelings are your feelings, and he should respect them if he wants you around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 11:55pm

There are no rules. Or I should say that everyone's rules are their own rules. You do what you want to do, and you don't do what you don't want to do. If he doesn't like YOUR rules...then he doesn't respect you very much.

At the same time, you know what they call girls who let a guy so so far, and then yell stop! If you don't want to be intimate with him, then don't start. When he starts putting his hands where you don't want them, then tell him not to do that. If you don't want to be intimate with him, then don't go to his apartment.

You've told him how you feel, and if he can't respect that, then he's not worth your time!

His erection, if he gets one, is his problem, not yours. He can always take care of it himself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 12:07am
I don't think the rules cover an about face....to me such a change is akin to mind games - which I find totally unacceptable. Personally, I wouldn't do it to a man - and I'd be offended if a man that did it to me.
Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 7:08am

Hi Ladies:


1-Oral sex after 10 days?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 11:54am

as for the guy getting an erection, that's his bodys natural reaction, kissing and touching turns him on. my bf said he doesnt think it's possible to have sex as many times as he gets an erection! does an erection mean he's looking for sex? no of course not, would he prefer it? likely. it is up to you though, and since you've decided to slow down, then you can make your rules, their are no set ground ones. talk to him and decide on what making out should mean to you both.

<3cari

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 1:18pm
Well, I've been out of the dating world for about 10 years now, but I can tell you that from a guy's perspective, it is hard to slow things down once you've had oral sex. If he really likes you and respects you then he will slow down, but that doesn't mean he's really happy about it. The fact is, with each make out session and erection he's remembering your oral sex session and hoping, if not praying, that it progresses to that again or even further.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 4:30pm

When will you accept that not all men are sleazes? Some men are really nice guys who can be both sexual and enjoying a woman's company at the same time - and hoping for a long term relationship.

Sure, some men are bad - but there are some great ones out there too - who happen to respect a woman who they've had sex with.

Please don't lump all men into one basket.




Edited 1/10/2005 4:43 pm ET ET by iv_aisha2004
Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace