same sex fantasies

Avatar for debra1016
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
same sex fantasies
12
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 4:04pm
I need some feedback. I have a female friend, I have known her for over ten years. Many years ago (before I was married) she and I had two sexual encounters. Both of us had been curious and I guess we were comfortable enough with eachother to experiment. I think we both enjoyed it but soon after that we lost touch and have recently been talking again. We don’t usually bring it up, but we both have husbands with low sex drives and often talk about our frustrations. Anyway a few weeks ago, she said that she and I should just get together to help relieve some of our frustrations since neither of us were getting enough at home and we didn’t want to have affairs. (she has cheated on her husband many times. I have not). I kind of laughed it off, knowing that she would definitely do it. Since then, I’ve found myself thinking about it a lot. I know cheating is cheating. I know it’s wrong, and I’m sure plenty of you here will tell me so. I know I need to work on the sexual problems DH and I are having – and we ARE working on them, making progress slowly, but I guess it’s just something about the touch of a woman that excites me. I most likely will not go through with this, but it’s fun to think about. I don’t often see this friend, but we are supposed to get together in the next few weeks. I am going to try not to put myself in the position for anything to happen though. I do not consider myself bisexual at all. I wouldn’t want to do this on a regular basis, and I��m sure some of my desire for it right now comes from the fact that I am frustrated from not getting enough from DH. I was just wondering if any other women out there have had thoughts about another woman? Thanks for the feedback!

 

 

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 4:55pm
No,I don't personally have thoughts about other women. But it sounds like you're missing the interest, affection, sensuality and tenderness you got from your friend, from your DH. Women bring something different to sex than men.

I don't think you should feel bad about it but realize a repeat of the experience won't make your marriage more satisfying. In fact, it will probably only underscore how neglected you really are.

I think you and your friend would do well to try and solve the problems with your respective husbands rather than complicate your lives by having another affair. Have either of you considered marriage counseling to deal with these problems?




Edited 6/18/2004 5:01 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 1:11pm
Yes I have had thoughts about another woman. We are friends - not close, but we walk our dogs on the beach together. She would like to get together with me again also (we tried a threesome once - didn't really work out because of other reasons), but the touch between two women is something I wasn't expecting. I, too, feel that if I spend too much time with this woman, something will probably happen - so we stick to walking the dogs, lol. If you are curious and somewhat interested in getting together with this woman (even just once) - that seems normal to me. We all have fantasies and desires (even when married).

In my mind, being with another woman isn't cheating on my hubby. Isn't that weird? I just don't think it is. Being with another man would be.

I say, go see her (she is your friend anyway) and see how you feel. It could turn out that you don't feel any desire when you are actually around her now. You never know. Sounds like you have your head on straight about this and taking all the precautions.

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