SCARED HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2008
SCARED HELP
9
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 10:53pm
I have no idea this may sound weird but my boyfriend is preesuring me to give him oral sex and I go to do it then I get scared...??? I don't understand whats stopping me. HELP!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
In reply to: nikifbabii215
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 11:49pm
Simple: he's pressuring you to do something that you don't really want to do. You freeze up because you feel that you are doing this because this what he wants and not what you want. Can you sit him down and discuss this with him and explain that you aren't ready yet and that you feel pressured into this? How long have you been with him? And how long has he been pressuring you to give him oral sex? Have you had intercourse with him already? Even if you have had i/c with him, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're ready for oral sex.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2008
In reply to: nikifbabii215
Sat, 07-19-2008 - 12:19am
I
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
In reply to: nikifbabii215
Sat, 07-19-2008 - 12:32am

Honey, you are obviously VERY young, and I have news for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
In reply to: nikifbabii215
Sat, 07-19-2008 - 9:31am

Welcome to the board, Niki.

I agree with the other things that have been said here already. For your benefit, please stop thinking that you need to compete with other women for the attention of any man. Solid relationships are definitely not built on that, and your own self-worth is so much more valuable than a lousy relationship. You're going to find that every guy you're ever with has been with someone else -- are you going to try to keep up with all of them? Every single sexual relationship is unique; just as every single person is unique. Talking with your current partner about past partners is something that should be done delicately too. You don't need to know every detail of what he's done sexually -- asking those sorts of things just sets you up to wonder if you're keeping up with past lovers. Create your own sexual identity and WOW him with that.

Now, if you want to give oral sex a try for your own satisfaction, then you need to figure out what you're afraid of. Are you afraid that he will be comparing your skills to hers? Are you afraid that you won't know what to do? Are you afraid that you won't like the taste? In most respects, your mind is what controls what you will or will not like about oral sex, so that's the first sex organ you need to get in line.

Here's an article that you might find helpful in getting started:

Oral Sex: A Step-by-Step Guide
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexoral/0,,traceycox_88pqgx19,00.html

The question also comes to my mind .... Has he performed oral sex on you? If he hasn't, then doing so might help you get your mind in the right frame as well.

There are a lot of resources here on iVillage. I think it's great that you're seeking advice on this, and it's a great way to prepare yourself. There's really no way to know whether or not you'll like it until you give it a try, but you still have the right to set your own boundaries. It may be that you're just not interested in trying it for whatever reason. Feel free to keep asking questions here. You can also do a search in the "find messages about" box above. Just type the word "oral" in there, and you'll get lots of hits. There's also a message board for oral sex. Here's the link: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rloralsex.

Keep us posted on how things are going.

















iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2008
In reply to: nikifbabii215
Sat, 07-19-2008 - 12:38pm

Maybe one more piece of advice from a man's perspective might help. You've just gotten some really great advice from some very smart women who I'm sure have had a great deal more experience than you. LISTEN TO THEM.

If sex isn't fun for BOTH of you, then something is wrong. If you don't respect yourself enough to stay within your own limits, how can you expect him to.

Last, if he would leave you because you're not comfortable giving oral, he's doing you a favor. Why on earth would you want to be with someone who is that self-involved anyway?

As you get older, you'll probably find that there are many things where you'll have to do things that make you uncomfortable. Recreational sex isn't one of them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2008
In reply to: nikifbabii215
Sat, 07-19-2008 - 6:28pm
I don't wanna be anything like her I'm just saying...he's not with her anymore because he got tired of getting treated like crap. He's told me that if I don't want to I don't have to but, I mean like I said he hints at it an awful lot. But, Yeah I understand that I don't have too but sometimes I want to then I chicken out I don't get it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
In reply to: nikifbabii215
Sun, 07-20-2008 - 2:29am

You might not think that his hints are him pressuring you, but subconsciously you know they are.


I used to have a BF that I hated giving oral sex to.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2008
In reply to: nikifbabii215
Sun, 08-24-2008 - 11:59pm
thanx 4 everythin i finally got over my i guess you can say "phobia" and gave him oral sex thanx 4 all the help everyone!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
In reply to: nikifbabii215
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 7:09am

Sounds like things worked out well for you, Niki!

Thanks for letting us know ;-)







Click a Blinkie!







Oral Sex ~ Bridesmaids